January 27th, 2010
I love, love, love Debbie Hardesty!
I first met her on the phone, when she called to ask some questions about Leadership Education. When we had finished, she had made the decision to attend a #2 in the Face to Face With Greatness Series here in Southern California; and flew here from Arkansas. That’s commitment!
I am well aware that this post is longer than what you’re normally used to. However, it is wonderful and full of things that people attempting to practice Leadership Education can identify with and relate to quite well. You’ll be glad you invested the time to read it. And besides…you have until Friday to “Get-Er-Done!”
I currently reside in West Fork, AR which has a population of about 2000, not including chickens or cows.
West Fork lies about 10 miles south of Fayetteville in the northwest corner of the state.
My wonderful husband, Brian, and I met at church in Fayetteville.
Four months prior to our meeting, I had just moved to Fayetteville to work on my Masters at the University of Arkansas. Brian and I dated for six weeks before we were engaged, married about 4 months after that time, and currently have been happily married for over 17 years. No need to waste time.
Before having children, I was on a career path. My goal was to earn my PhD in something in order to teach at the college level. I didn’t really care which subject area my doctorate focused on, the bottom line was the degree so I could teach. Furthermore, I had an issue that I wanted to prove I was somebody and thought a title would do that. Approximately two and half years into my doctorate everything changed.
In the book A Thomas Jefferson Education for Teens, it states “that when God wants to change the world, he sends a baby…” That is exactly what God did to change my world, he sent me a son. Against popular opinion, I left being in charge of a lab, cultivating cow pituitary cells in an incubator, and the once coveted three letters (PhD.) for a different set of three letters and the title—M-O-M. I still get to teach, just not in front of a classroom of college students. Instead, it is the realm of multiple arenas—living room, kitchen, van, grocery store, or park and to only four students—three boys, ages 14, 10, & 9 and one daughter, age 2.
We always held to several goals as we began the process of home education. First, we want our children to understand themselves—their own strengths and weaknesses. Also, we try to help our children understand others from many angles—gender, temperament type, love language, situations and culture. Serving and loving others takes on a deeper meaning where there is understanding. Furthermore, we hope our children will grow up to be leaders and to love to learn. Last, yet most important, we are trying to cultivate a heart that loves God with all their heart, soul, and mind.
So many times I could see the purpose or target in home educating our children, but my aim was totally off.
I would shoot at the target, but the arrow would veer off course. Instead of my children saying they loved to learn, they complained. Instead of thinking learning was a privilege; they thought it was a punishment. One child even stated he was stupid and would never “get it”. Those words would ALWAYS rip my heart! I knew that sending them to a typical public school was not the answer and would not achieve the desired goals. So, I did what any mother would do in that situation. I got down on my knees, tears in my eyes, and begged God for answers. Have you been there?
I have always searched for answers. So when I ran across a package on Andrew Pudewa’s site, The Institute in Excellence in Writing, concerning leadership education, I stopped, explored, and bought. In the mail came two CDs (The Seven Keys of Great Teaching and A Classical Approach to Art, Math, and Science) and two booklets (Core and Love of Learning: A recipe for Success and Scholar Phase). I had them all read, listened to, and notes scratched in the margins before the end of the week. Was what I read and listened to possible? Was this the answer? Two months later, I ordered and read A Thomas Jefferson Education by DeMille I wanted my children to have a leadership education! This is what I had been looking for.
Yet, the simplicity did not resonate within my mind—I did not get the “how to”. It is extremely difficult to change over 22 years of conveyor belt and professional educational thinking. Plus, my temperament type tends to be goal orientated. It was always about the bottom line and not the process. I was going to have them from diapers to college in record time. I was trying to force and pour into my kids what I thought they should learn, instead of drawing out their interests and what they wanted to learn. It wasn’t working. This is exactly why I was missing the target! (Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding as bells go off.) Now what?—More books!!!
In the mail came A Thomas Jefferson Home Companion and Leadership Education: the Phases of Learning. Now I had it—55 steps to a leadership education. Here we go…I had a walk-in closet upstairs full of “school books”. These were MY school books that I would take down one at a time to force to let my kids read grade by grade, book by book, according to the curriculum design. I had the books arranged in the upstairs closet accordingly. Deep Breath…I was going to take the books from upstairs, place them on bookshelves downstairs according to Ingredient #19 in The Phases of Learning. During the entire process, I was fighting with myself. I felt this sense of panic come over me as I took everything out of “sequential” order.
One part exclaimed, “Trust the process?”
The other part interjected, “What is the process that I’m supposed to trust?”
“You’re doing this for your kids.”
“Now, you won’t be able to find anything. It will take you forever to find a book.”
“This is supposed to help inspire your kids. Trust the process.”
“What are those Lamaze breathing techniques—Hee, Hee, Who! I think I’m getting dizzy. Is it the taking the books out of order or the walking up and down the stairs?”
(I know. I needed help. “Hi, my name is Debbie, and I’m a conveyor belt junkie.”)
In the mean time, my boys are watching me walk up and down the stairs. About the third time down, they stop me. “Mom, who are you talking to?”
“No one, why?”
“You keep shaking your head yes and no and getting funny looks on your face.” If only they knew the battle going on inside.
After the last trip down the stairs, the boys start pulling out and looking at all these books. Sitting down, flipping through the pages, reminiscing over some we had read and exploring others we hadn’t. I sat back with tears trickling down my face. “Trust the process!!”
I did figure out that I did not need all 55 ingredients to implement a leadership education. They are very helpful as shown with the above story; but after 10 TJEd books or booklets later, and a trip to CA to a Face to Face with Greatness Seminar the process is as easy as read, discuss, write, and apply. Simplicity, not complexity. (I did say I was trying to break over 22 years of bad conveyor belt habits!)
I think “inspire, instead of require” will always be the hardest key for me. But I’m getting better! My kids already knew I spoke to myself. Well, I have also begun to read out loud to myself. I had been so tired of trying to get everyone into the living room to read to them—driving them by force. So instead, I sat in the living and began to read a story to myself—laughing and throwing out comments as “wow”, “cool”. Within minutes, I had one son sitting on my lap; another son pulling a chair up beside me; a third son, who was surfing ESPN on the internet, making comments about the book; and my husband engaged in another project but grinning as I read. It was easy and SOOO much less stress. I wonder what will be the next book I will read “to myself”.
Teri asked me what my favorite thing was about TJEd. It is the fact I know what I’m doing is right! If Teri or Dr. Brooks lost their mind…okay, any more than they have…and decided to shun leadership education, I would still pursue it wholeheartedly. (But, Teri and Dr. Brooks, PLEEEEEASE don’t abandon me now!!) I know this is right for the individual, the family, and for our nation to maintain its freedoms.
I told you I have a two year old daughter.
What I did not tell yet is that we adopted her from Vietnam when she was 8 months old. It was one of the hardest and most rewarding things we have ever done. We fought over 2 years of bureaucracy from two countries and mounds of paper work; we have been child abuse checked, FBI checked, local and county police records checked; we flew one way over 23 hours with me spending 16 hours of those in an airplane bathroom because of airsickness. (Oh, the stories I could tell.) Our reason for doing this was to bring freedom, especially religious freedom, to a child who would not otherwise have it. We did not fly halfway around the world to bring a child home for her to lose her freedom here on American soil!!! TJEd is right because it is the type of education that will save our Republic! I’m moving forward and not looking back! I’m fighting for my kids’ freedom!
Right before we adopted our daughter I wrote the following:
THE TAPESTRY
I believe that God has been creating a tapestry since the beginning of time, and He is still weaving His plan today. In this tapestry is the life of every person that lived, is living, and will live. Each of those people is represented as one string. There are strings from people like the pharaoh during Moses time whose heart was hardened so God showed his power through the ten plagues. Or the people of Babylon or Assyria, who were wicked themselves, but God used them to destroy a rebellious people. Then there is the string of Abraham who went from being scared to claim Sarah as his wife in Egypt to a man who was willing to sacrifice Isaac because God told him to do it, and it was accounted to him as righteousness. Weaved also is the string of Esther, an orphan once herself, who put her life on the line and saved her people. My prayer is that someday when I get to look at this tapestry that I see two strings, Brian’s and mine, running from my home to Vietnam. Then three strings coming back across the ocean. Then a little later I hope to see one of those strings heading back to Vietnam, taking a nation the Word of God. Furthermore, God only knows what other strings we will see wrapped around this process of us trying to bring God to a child and possibly others within a nation. Individually we are only a string. Together, even if we are for God or against Him, we make a tapestry. I hope God sees us working for Him.
I would march forward by myself on this road of a leadership education, but I’m thankful I do not have to! I’m thankful Teri has created this blog to weave us together to hopefully make a tapestry that screams again that America is a land of virtue, courage, and liberty for us and especially for our children!
A side note: Make sure to get a copy of A Thomas Jefferson Education for Teens.
WOW, what a book! Dr. DeMille and Dr. Brooks took a lot of resources and made them applicable to daily life. Every sentence has a nugget of gold wrapped in it. So, do not casually skim by the text. I wish that I had this book at a younger age! Then maybe I would have realized sooner the process is just as important as, or more so than the bottom line. Furthermore, maybe I would have learned quicker that the mission is more important than the title. Just because I couldn’t read by the time I was in 3rd grade did not mean I had to spend a big chunk of the rest of my life proving I was somebody. So, I highly encourage everyone to read this book!
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