The Olympics: ala Helms

I honestly had something…

far more profound…

scheduled for today.

But I’m going for levity instead.

Because we all need it.

I frequent blogs…

for mothers of boys.

I frequent others…

where mothers are lamenting…

their lack of ability to cope with boys.

I have 5 boys.

Just a reminder.

I also get regular feedback…

from very gracious individuals…

regarding how “well mannered”…

“studious” and “wonderful”…

my boys are.

While they are all of the above…

they are also rowdy, rambunctious…

and very, very real.

Allow me to share this evening’s Olympic coverage…

with a running Helms commentary…

thus proving…

there is, indeed, nothing extraordinary…

about the Helms…

other than our wackiness.

Gymnastics:

(for sake of both time and space…

just randomly guess which number said what…

because there were infractions on all fronts.)

“The Russians are divas AND whiners.

I’ve been watching how much Kleenex they’ve needed.”

Me: “That’s terrible, boys.

But then, so is the eyeshadow on that one young lady.”

Boys: “We KNEW you would hone in on that!”

Me: “Well, it makes one look angry and tired.”

Boys: “Look at that strength!  The mount on the beam…

INCREDIBLE!  Those toes could crush rocks!”

Me: “Why is the music playing?  We’re on beam.”

Son # (I’ll let you guess.)  “With my ADD…

I’d be an epic fail for our country! THE MINUTE…

that ANYTHING became distracting whatsoever…

look out!”

Cut to Swimming…

where we all agreed that watching Michael Phelps…

and Ryan Lochte swim side-by-side in competition…

for the last time…

was simply amazing!

Soni’s gold medal and World Record…

Fabulous!

Also in unison on the factoid…

that Andrea Kremer or Kramer…

reporter poolside…

needs to poll the American public…

for better questions.

“What was your strategy?!”

Sons in unison: “TO WIN, ANDREA!”

Andrea: “Why do you look so happy?!”

Sons: “GEE, ANDREA, WE DON’T KNOW…

BUT MEDALING AT AN OLYMPIC GAMES…

COULD BOLSTER THE HAPPINESS FACTOR.”

Love you, Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps!

Back to Gymnastics…

(yes, my head is now spinning, but WAIT!)

A Son: ” I don’t get the arm motions and toe things.”

Tries them out while expounding..

thus blocking my view somewhat.

Me: “Move your legs!”

Random Son: “Speaking of legs…

those gymnasts muscle bundles…

above the knees look like cantaloupes!”

A kid randomly walks in from the kitchen…

sporting a BOWL (thankfully smallish)…

of raw cookie dough.

The fuel of Olympic Gods.

Yet another kid/son: “Hey, where did you get that?!”

The floor routines continue.

Me: “Even a blending brush at the edges…

would work wonders!”

Sorry, rut mentality.

A large-no-longer-a-child-kid…

catapults over the back of the couch…

and throws arms into the air.

Me: ” You honestly just did that?!”

Response: “Sticking the landing, Madre.”

A gymnast, already Diva status from over here…

pushes her coach out of the way.

The verdict: “I really, really don’t like them.

And those jackets look like Willy Wonka’s bedspread.”

Calling all mothers:

Is there any Willy Wonka movie…

in which his bedspread was up for speculation?!

I missed that one!

And then…

Gabby Douglas wins.

Medal ceremony…

her single mom and brother…

hugging in the stands…

tears…

both on the part of the Russians…

and me…

clearly for very different reasons!

Love these games!

In closing…

I ask…

“So, was it Kramer or Kremer, boys?”

Son #5: “They blocked it out.

Someone let her know…

you were going to blog about her later.”

How are your Olympic evenings looking?

Here’s to a gold medal weekend…

and Son #1 coming home…

to add to this eccentric mix!

You know we’ll be watching!