Update: Alicia has been released from the hospital and is home; continuing to heal! Thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers on her behalf. Clearly a full recovery both physically and mentally is going to take time.
I’m concluding the subject of tension today.
This certainly isn’t meant to imply…
that it won’t always be with us.
Krista Blaxton left an amazing comment.
I encourage you to read it.
It beautifully sums up a portion of my intent…
in my decision to broach this subject.
You see…
when we don’t differentiate between problems and tensions…
we really sell ourselves short in the process.
This results in missing out on greatness…
both in ourselves…
and others.
When we see everything…
as a problem to be solved…
we often throw in the proverbial towel…
and give up entirely.
But when we learn to recognize tensions….
we can get better and better…
at making progress in our journey…
to lead effectively and with impact.
And that’s all any of this really is.
A journey…
A process…
on the road…
to the development of leaders.
The reaching of God-given potential.
Let’s look at some final ideas.
A great place to begin recognizing tensions…
is to identify those…
that exist within your organization.
For our purposes…
we’ll assume that the organization…
is the family.
Another great step…
is to create terminology.
What we see as tensions…
how we will identify what we see…
and consistently and effectively…
communicate that with one another.
Next…
You need to inform your core.
I love this one.
Within a Leadership Education context…
we could certainly see this as a double entendre!
The core group that you influence…
and that influences in return.
Again, in this case…
members of the family.
But it could also easily mean “inform your core.”
I took this as a serious challenge.
There are a lot of things that I need to assess often….
that have to do with my CORE!
And nearly every tension requires…
that you act from your core…
to identify…
analyze…
and address it!
An example?…
Well, this past week.
I desire to be real with all of you…
my virtual community…
but at the same time…
healthy tension would dictate…
that I not frequently “dump” on you.
We all have problems and adversity in this life.
And when I look at those that others own…
I realize much of the time…
that mine are small in comparison.
Then there is the tension between “sappy”…
and appearing calloused.
For instance…
In the case of Alicia…
I don’t want to dwell for too long…
on why tragedy ends…
in the loss of human life for some…
and the reinforcement of its truly fragile state…
and what a precious gift it is…
for still others.
Yet…
this really has a lot to do with “informing my CORE.”
For me…
I have to revisit those values at times like this…
and remind myself…
that I trust the Sovereignty of a loving God…
that I personally use the Bible…
to navigate the CORE of my existence…
and that there are many things…
this side of eternity…
that require faith, trust, and hope.
Otherwise…
I’d most certainly go nuts…
trying to “figure it all out.”
My point?
You must identify, inform, and develop…
A CORE based on strength and absolute truth…
or it becomes difficult…
to move on to other levels of learning…
with one hundred percent effectiveness.
Next…
Continually recognize and give value…
to both sides of tensions.
This is so important…
in the process of developing individuals…
that know how to think…
rather than conditioning them…
regarding what to think.
Another important aspect…
as those that you mentor…
grow and mature…
is to start watching…
how heavily you weigh in with personal bias.
I’m not talking compromise of your core values.
Rather…
I’m encouraging the nurturing…
of time and space…
that is required to learn and hone the skill…
of knowing how to think independently…
as well as interdependently.
And…
at the end of the day…
don’t always allow the strong personalities…
within the family…
to win the day.
Finally…
Don’t think in terms of balance…
Think rhythm.
And remember…
there’s no doubt about it.
One of the greatest things…
that you can do…
for your family…
or organization…
is differentiate between…
tensions you will always need to manage…
versus problems that need to be solved.
Thanks for being here.
You’re all blessings to me…
and definitely help…
many times…
to bring relief to the tensions!
Until Wednesday,
Teri,
I’m so glad that Alicia is doing well and back home with her family. What an eye opening heart wrenching reality check for all of us as parents. You do your best you work hard to raise them right and then something like this terrible accident happens and you realize they are vulnerable and you can’t shelter them from everything and everyone. It gives me a little panic attack sometimes.
Okay so on to the topic of tension and I am struggling to wrap my mind around this… I don’t know if I can’t let go of the word and what I think it means or what but this one has had me baffled. I get the definition of tension but I feel like that definition is for objects and that as people the tension that is created in relationships is different. So if tension is not meant to be solved then what purpose does it serve in our lives? If stress about finances, education, relationships, family are addressed as problems in regard to how we are approaching them and whether we are focusing on the right thing ie. discipline vs. punishment then where does tension fit into this scenario and how does it help or benefit me not to try and reduce tension? I think I have missed the aha moment that would clarify this for me.
PS. I received my book and it is wonderful:) Thanks Tommy Mom I plan to give several copies away for Christmas to family and friends.
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So you had to go and hit me with another whammy on the way out of this Tension series. “Don’t think in terms of balance…think rhythm.” Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that “Balance” has been my catch phrase for the last few years. I’ve been striving for balance in every area of my life but I think the effectiveness of this life lesson has run its course. I’m ready to move beyond balance. I think the problem with balance is that it implies that life is fair. Unfortunately there is not always immediate vindication in life. A bad deed can appear to go unpunished, while a good deed is not often, instantly rewarded. I love the bean counter game for illustrating this.
Rocky’s catch-phrase lately is, “That’s not fair!” We usually have differing opinions on what is fair. My response is usually, “Life just isn’t always fair. Isn’t that a bummer!”
So finding your rhythm. As a musician this really speaks to me. There are times I feel like I’m hitting all the notes right in time and life is great. Other times my response feels out of sync, like I’m missing something important. I think being sensitive to God might be the key. There is something to learn from every experience if we’re open and teachable.
I’m so glad Alicia is doing better. We’ll continue to pray for her recovery.
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