Click on the link below my signature, to enjoy this short, thought provoking YouTube video.
It is a beautiful example of what Leadership Education is all about.
Here’s to continuing to create cultures that produce leaders!
Until Wednesday,
Culture: Define, Model, Shape, and Reinforce
August 27, 2010 By 8 Comments
Tim Driver is Co-Principal of Insight School of Washington; which has an enrollment of just under 4,000 high school students. Mr. Driver has done notable work in the field of At-Risk Youth for 20 years, and has coached multiple sports at the high school level for over 25. He speaks to parents and students regularly on character and virtues that are needed for ultimate success in life.
He is also my “little” brother, and an “uncle extraordinaire” to my sons; as indicated by the picture below from “days gone by.”
Let me start by saying that in my conversation with my sister, I mentioned facing forward in an ELEVATOR, not an ESCALATOR.
I’m sure this syntax error was due to too much time spent in malls by my sibling.
With that said, I am happy to discuss culture, and the complexities that can surround it. My desire is to try and simplify the concept, making it a skill to be used in your coping toolbox!
Let’s dig in!
Culture in a sentence: “This is the way things are done here (in this family, in this company, etc.)”
Creating a culture from scratch: Starting a new family, organization etc. is exciting and scary!
All too often we wait until things are not going well before we realize….”We should have thought about that back when we started.” (Guilty, your honor)
So within this culture building model, the process is to “Define, Model, Shape, and Reinforce”.
Regardless of whether you are starting from scratch or drastically trying to change course and save the SS Minnow from shipwreck…
( hopefully the Gilligan’s Island reference isn’t lost on this crowd)
the best way to initiate a culture is to agree upon a set of “core values”and DEFINE them.
Much like the pillars of TJEd, ( Yes, I’ve done a little homework…..probably more than I did in high school, actually) core values should be broad in nature, so that they cover multiple situations and limit the number of “rules” that are necessary.
For instance, if “Integrity” is one of the core values you want your family to stand for, then there is no need to have “honesty” as another, because honesty is part of having integrity.
When a situation comes up involving telling the truth, it can be dealt with this way: “Because this family is about integrity, we are always honest, even when it doesn’t serve our best interest.”
In doing so, a reminder is given of the core values, and a connection is made that gives a child the “why” where honesty is concerned.
We don’t have to have rules for every situation.
When a cashier gives us too much money back, we don’t have to consult the rulebook to Category 4, subsection 4.23.33 paragraph 11. ( is it any wonder why government has lost all sight of any core value?)
Instead, we simply say, taking money that isn’t ours lacks integrity.
You can see why the definitions of the core values are so critical.
Keep the definitions brief and understandable, but sturdy.
Imagine if Enron, AIG and others had defined values from the get go. (More on this in another segment)
The next step in the process is to MODEL these core values.
Live them.
Wow, that was easy.
Be aware that those who you are installing the culture FOR, will be MORE than willing to point out when YOU do not live up to the core values yourself.
NOTHING kills a culture faster, giving everyone the right to make excuses or exceptions, than leaders who don’t follow their own rules.
Believe it or not, part of the Columbine disaster was due to administration not holding the more popular kids accountable. (double standard)
By the same token, NOTHING gives more STRENGTH to these life skills, than watching the leaders hold themselves accountable to them, and to all those who have committed to the same guiding pillars.
I was a horrible art student. Stick people were a challenge.
The culture at Tommy Mom is “artsy fartsy” with the colored lettering and photo montage pieces………..that ain’t me.
In pottery, specifically clay…
ashtrays were a pinnacle for me.
I was more the “I can roll a snake” kinda student.
But when it comes to people, correction/evaluation should take the mentality of SHAPING.
Correction is a process.
Situations are used to trim a little here, pinch a little there, and sculpt a bit on the back end perhaps. ;0)
Regardless of your discipline philosophy, it should be used to “change behavior”.
One way to keep correction positive is to state what you want rather than harping on the negative.
Rather than saying, “You complain a lot, and you have a bad attitude”, it is more effective in reinforcing the culture to say, “We are about joy in this family, and I need your actions to reflect that.”
Be careful however…
that very phrase will be spit back at you the next time you’re in a foul mood.
Obviously there are times where we have to identify what the negative behaviors are, so that a connection can be made, but spend more time stating what the standard is, rather than how it wasn’t met.
You’ll be amazed at how those “bad attitudes” happen less often.
REINFORCING is the last piece of culture creation.
By reinforcing, you motivate others to continue the positive things they are doing, and allow for further training, modeling, shaping, etc.
The biggest thing to consider when reinforcing is NOT to wait for perfection before encouraging.
ANYTHING closer to the desired outcome should be recognized.
You don’t have to throw a parade and bring in a petting zoo, but even a “that’s better than last time” will quash discouragement.
The second most important thing with regards to reinforcing is “reward effort”. If you only praise and scold based on “results”, your culture will struggle or at best, be erratic.
Sometimes kids get results without putting forth the effort they should. This breeds lazy intellectuals. ;0)
Other times, people work extremely hard, only to find the results less than satisfying.
For example, you tell a child to clean the yard. They work for 3 hours, but leave little swaths unmowed, and weeds here and there. If you point out, “you missed these spots”…
what they will hear is, “It doesn’t matter how hard I try”.
You will get less EFFORT next time.
Instead, if you say, “I know you put a ton of time in and worked really hard on this yard, let me help you finish some of these spots”…
what they will hear is, “EFFORT MATTERS, my technique just needs to be shaped a little.”
Always reward effort and you will get more effort.
Hopefully this gives a little start to installing or recreating a culture.
There are more things to consider, such as how to defend your culture against outside attacks…
what to do when members refuse to live by the core values…
and other fun items for party discussion.
If anyone is interested in these topics, I can write again.
Otherwise I’m going back to sweating over my clay ashtray construction.
Best
Tim
What’s your “Culture” lookin’ like?
August 25, 2010 By 2 Comments
And the winner is…Tammie Lewis! (raucous applause and cheering…)
Tammie is now equipped with both really cute “To Do” and “What’s Cookin?” wipe off household boards courtesy of Christy Gandara at One Creative Bug. I apologize for the brain lapse where this giveaway was concerned, folks! And thanks to everyone that commented! Your input helps to continue to reinforce and build the virtual Leadership Education Community here on TommyMom.
I was talking with a friend last week…
that has chosen public education…
for her children.
They are a remarkable family.
It’s one of those…
in which leadership is defined…
by being servant-based…
quiet…
but very strong.
She and I concluded…
that culture…
is honestly…
the key to success…
or failure…
in most everything.
Culture as defined in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary is…
“The application of labor or other means to improve good qualities in, or growth;
as the culture of the mind:
the culture of virtue… Any labor or means employed for improvement, correction or growth.”
So often…
people focus…
primarily on method…
and methodology.
Reality dictates…
that cultures…
both created…
and non-spoken…
are powerful influences…
in outcome.
For instance…
when people ask Hero Hubby and I…
“how did we achieve…
(fill in the blank) with our children?”
Many times…
the answer stems from the culture…
that we have consciously created for our family.
And again…
we really must also consider…
the power of influence in what we don’t say…
where culture is concerned as well.
I was discussing this…
with my punk …
quite-possibly-overly-qualified brother today.
As always…
he had multiple insights…
going many directions…
with tremendous examples…
that left me thinking…
thinking…
thinking.
He generally has that effect on me…
when we’re having conversations like this.
Follow along if you will…
Text: “Are you at football practice?”
“No.”
“May I call you?”
He calls.
Tim: “What’s up?’
Me:”I’m wanting to discuss “culture”…
for the next few days on TommyMom.
Will you write an article?”
Tim: “Sure…
That’s a mighty wide open topic….
that could go so many different directions.”
Me: “Which is why I’d like you…
to take it in a couple of different ones”…
(proceeding to name the ones I had in mind.)
Tim: “Well, yes…
but what about all of the other directions…
that come to mind?
What about majority culture…
that influences…
the minority one you’ve created?”
Or…
“How do you change an undesirable culture?”
Then there is always…
“Unspoken Culture.”
“For instance…
why do we always ride escalators facing forward?
No one told us we had to do that.
It’s an unspoken given in our culture.”
See, readers…
this is what takes up valuable time!
It’s simply one more thing to ponder!
When I ride the escalator…
on any given “trip”…
I may or may not be facing forward…
due to several notable articles of fashion…
that are possibly traveling the other direction!
Oh, yes, indeed….
we are very different people.
With nearly identical values.
Hello, Andy Stanley tension…
on a very regular basis!
So…
start thinking about…
and noticing…
“cultures.”
I promise you…
really…
truly…
when Friday…
and several other intermittent days…
come rolling around…
and “Driver’s Ed” is posted…
you’re in for a real treat!
Until then,
A Deep Breath
August 23, 2010 By 8 Comments
“Well, now I am not going! Child #4 has been throwing up since about 11 p.m. and #5 was complaining of an upset stomach earlier and is now in pain.”
This was the text that I received…
at midnight on Friday night…
as I was finally beginning to doze off.
It was from a very dear friend…
and “fellow mom of 5″…
that was supposed to be…
taking a “mental health day”
Saturday with myself and others.
Unfortunately…
for me personally…
it really had become…
necessary to define the day…
as one that would…
hopefully…
restore the “health”…
to the “mental.”
Or at least….
some perspective…
to a tired…
and spent…
wife, mother…
daughter and friend.
Have you ever noticed…
that often…
the very best of each of us…
is accompanied by a slant or side…
that can all-too-quickly…
become our very worst?
I am an extremely driven individual.
I’ve been asked many times…
by several of you…
“How DO you do it all?!”
There’s a simple answer.
I don’t.
It may appear as if I do…
from time to time…
and mothers are certainly known…
for giving this impression…
but I come up short…
just like everyone else.
I over schedule..
under plan…
fight feelings of desperation…
that come from both a lack of that planning…
or the neglect of sufficient margin…
between activities…
that urge us to…
go, go, go.
The unusual urgency and fast pace…
of this entire summer…
has taken my breath away.
Fact is…
everyone needs periods…
of introspection…
and rest.
Where opportunity to ruminate…
on the things of life…
provides a clear vision of…
its responsibilities…
opportunities…
pressures…
joys…
successes…
challenges…
and privileges.
These sometimes become a blur…
if we aren’t careful…
to demand margin…
reasonable amounts of space…
healthy boundaries.
Lately..
I’m “there.”
So…
I will step back…
settle in to the Fall season…
steep myself in Family Culture…
as I’m taking serious note…
of several things.
For instance…
this initial inspiration into the world of motherhood…
is transitioning once again…
into the world of full blown…
responsible…
capable…
young adult.
He is teaching me…
what it entails to effectively “parent”…
an adult child.
We are watching our first born son…
shoulder more and more responsibility…
embrace amazing opportunities…
mature on an even deeper level…
in his personal relationships…
commitments…
and skill sets.
I make mistakes…
flounder at times…
with what to say…
how to effectively guide…
and find my footing in his world…
so that we are rewarded with healthy…
mother/son adult relationships.
This delight…
just turned 1-1.
When I think about it…
I swear he was just 1.
And this week…
this child…the “end of the line”…
will enter year #9 of life on this planet…
thus beginning his last anniversary of birth…
still in single digit numbers.
This son…
with these deliciously…
soft…
warm…
dimpled…
little boy hands…
will in a mere instant…
exchange these books…
for a finer…
more cultured set.
Oh yes, dear friends…
it’s time to breathe.
And in taking in those deep breaths…
to gratefully embrace…
and then savor…
the potpourri of scents…
that make up an ever evolving…
changing…
emerging…
Leadership Education based…
family culture.
It’s time to reacquaint myself…
with my family’s…
growth…
strengths…
weaknesses…
and triumphs.
Yes…
strong…
deeply intoxicating…
breaths…
are definitely in order.
I’m looking forward to it!
Hello, Fall!
What about you?
Feelin’ Good!
August 20, 2010 By 2 Comments
Even though we’ve left the topic of tension behind ( it was really getting tense!)…Some more excellent comments and insights have been added. And I’ve chimed in, per a couple of loyal reader requests, to try and settle the topic “once and for all!”…Which you know never “really” happens over here! Check out the comments section…
The past few weeks have been insanely busy.
Actually…
I think I blinked in June…
and here we are.
How does this happen?
Two weeks ago…
I entered a “contest” on Facebook.
I was to state in 100 words or less…
what my “favorite feel good” movie was…
and why.
I have several of those…
but narrowed it down…
per the request.
I was notified last Tuesday…
that I was the winner…
of two tickets…
to the Opening Night…
of the “Feel Good Film Festival!”
It was located here…
on this boulevard of the same name…
in this historic theatre.
The Hero Hubby was already scheduled…
to work in Malibu all day Saturday.
With a bit of re-arrangement…
to our schedule…
I was able to procure a hot date…
with Son #2…
a reasonable hotel room close by…
and we were off!
Kristen Ridgway-Flores…
pictured here on the right…
(with a big hug for Laura-on-the-Left…
our new favorite Brit!)
co-founded the Feel Good Festival…
three years ago…
with her friend America Young…
as a purposeful way…
to combat all of the darkness…
and evil…
that pervades our daily lives.
The festival featured 64 films, including 14 features, 39 shorts, and 11 student films. Along with the films offered throughout the festival, highlights included a lively Opening Night intro from Host Cheryl Hines; a New Media panel “Why Web Series Suck” presented by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce Community Foundation discussing some hot-button issues prevalent in the web community and highlighted by the world premieres of a handful of web series, an outdoor bazaar highlighted by “green” and health-oriented vendors, and nightly after parties in the Egyptian Theatre Courtyard. ~ The Los Angeles Times
We admittedly had other reasons to attend as well.
We are in love with this family…
that the “Hero Hubby” has known…
and grown up with…
pretty much his entire life.
Stephen married Kristen…
and makes his living in Hollywood…
doing “all kinds of cool things”…
most of which pertain to acting.
We hadn’t seen them in a long time…
and the “winning entry”…
provided opportunity…
and motivation all around!
I’ve told you before…
Los Angeles…
is quite a mecca of diversity…
and creativity…
without any room for doubt!
Need inspiration for a new hair style?…
look no further!
How about that special outfit…
or personal fashion statement?
(these shoes looked like real ruby slippers off of the Wizard of Oz set!)
There is simply no end…
to the people watching opportunities!
Ever wondered why most everyone…
is the “same height” in movies and television?…
Here’s your answer!
In addition to Friday’s Opening films…
We attended all day Saturday.
Many of them were simply brilliant!
This one…
was profoundly moving…
as well as thought provoking.
Entitled…
“That Doesn’t Look Like Me”…
it was the documentary…
of an artist that solicited…
other artist friends…
to go into a senior residence…
and paint or draw…
some of the individuals there.
They interviewed…
and got to know these people in the process.
As the credits rolled…
it was revealed…
that some of these beautiful individuals…
had since passed away.
There was also a challenge…
to engage in a community project of this nature.
We came out to…
some of the actual portaiture.
Powerful beyond belief.
It was an enriching experience!
We plan on going again…
should Kristen…
and her colleagues continue.
Here’s what Leadership Education…
has to say about this experience.
“Young people need to learn to think and lead before they start dividing themselves into campes of allies and enemies…A deep respect for all good ideas, people and organizations, and the ability to identify both the good and the error in all things is an important part of Transition. This is where the child notices differences and draws conclusions that will either lead to a life of bias or respect…Leaders will remember lessons of Core and “trust the process,” knowing that its fruits are worth its labors. And in the process, they will enjoy life, have a lot of fun, and learn to bring the best feelings and experiences into their lives. Leadership can be challenging, but it should also be joyful.”~ Leadership Education, Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 170 and 266
We definitely had a lot of fun…
met some amazing folks along the way…
(hello again to Laura…
the exceptionally fun...
witty…
and “Brilliant Brit!)…
and definitely broadened our horizons…
while experiencing joy!
There is a lot of genius…
and amazing creativity out there..
floating around in the form…
of “the arts!”
How do you…
tap into them?
Through big city Productions?…
Festivals?…
Local theatre?…
High school performances?…
Regardless of the source…
I hope you’re tapping them…
to promote brain development…
deep thought processes…
and to build and strengthen…
all areas of learning.
Perhaps the “Bus Stop” Quip…Wasn’t far off!
August 18, 2010 By 7 Comments
Some of you recall…
that awhile back…
I wrote a post…
on community responsibility.
It involved a trip…
to LifeStream…
which is our local…
as well as our county…
blood bank.
The shortened version of the events that followed…
is that they read the post…
approached me…
and asked if they could use our family…
in an upcoming campaign…
that was to be entitled…
Blead By Example.
I loved the title of this campaign…
and have also considered it a privilege…
to share with the employees…
that have contacted us…
about Leadership Education.
What it involves…
why it’s great…
what it is!
It’s been a fun…
enlightening…
journey.
Many of you also recall…
that on the eve…
of our scheduled photo shoot…
Son #3 wanted to know…
exactly where and how…
these photos would be used.
I will readily admit at this point…
that perhaps I was tired…
and lacking sleep…
when I shot back with…
“Maybe if you’re lucky…
you’ll be in a bus stop somewhere.”
I got the reaction I wanted…
and we proceeded to our photo opp.
I promised to keep you updated…
as to the progress of this project.
Here is a synopsis…
of the conversation…
that Son #2…
had with LifeStream…
at the end of last week…
when he called to reschedule his appointment.
LS: “Hello, LifeStream. How may we help you?’
Son #2: “Yes, I need to reschedule my appointment, please.”
LS: Your name?
(Son #2 complies.)
LS:” Oh my word! As in the individual…
that is currently on our vehicles?”
Son #2: “Um…well, I guess so.”
Oh yes, indeed!
Later that day…
Son #1 went in to give blood and came home with these…
making it official.
My two eldest children are zipping back and forth on freeways…
all over Southern California!
I believe they said they are on 14 vehicles…
but don’t quote me.
Here’s the best part!
When I called the corporate office…
and spoke to Piper…
my new…
peppy…
perfectly professional…
and popping-with-excitement friend…
here’s what she had to say.
P: “Hello, Teri! The vehicle wraps look great!
People are embracing this campaign…
and the feedback has been wonderful!
Thanks so much again for helping us”
Me: “Are you kidding?
We feel privileged to have been asked!”
Piper: “I have more exciting news!
Towards the end of September…
there are plans to use Sons #1-#5…
to wrap two of our buses! ”
Me: Stunned silence.
Piper: “We’re going to use the three older boys…
on one side…
and the two little ones on the other.”
There was simply no denying…
that I had some serious “splaining to do”…
where Son #3 was concerned.
His response when I told him?…
“No, really Mom…
feel free to exploit us for however long…
you feel is necessary.”
Okay, so maybe some of us are grateful.
I know he really is as well.
He’s just supressing it…
for a later release.
Don’t worry, friends…
I will keep you posted.
Tension, The Conclusion
August 16, 2010 By 2 Comments
Update: Alicia has been released from the hospital and is home; continuing to heal! Thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers on her behalf. Clearly a full recovery both physically and mentally is going to take time.
I’m concluding the subject of tension today.
This certainly isn’t meant to imply…
that it won’t always be with us.
Krista Blaxton left an amazing comment.
I encourage you to read it.
It beautifully sums up a portion of my intent…
in my decision to broach this subject.
You see…
when we don’t differentiate between problems and tensions…
we really sell ourselves short in the process.
This results in missing out on greatness…
both in ourselves…
and others.
When we see everything…
as a problem to be solved…
we often throw in the proverbial towel…
and give up entirely.
But when we learn to recognize tensions….
we can get better and better…
at making progress in our journey…
to lead effectively and with impact.
And that’s all any of this really is.
A journey…
A process…
on the road…
to the development of leaders.
The reaching of God-given potential.
Let’s look at some final ideas.
A great place to begin recognizing tensions…
is to identify those…
that exist within your organization.
For our purposes…
we’ll assume that the organization…
is the family.
Another great step…
is to create terminology.
What we see as tensions…
how we will identify what we see…
and consistently and effectively…
communicate that with one another.
Next…
You need to inform your core.
I love this one.
Within a Leadership Education context…
we could certainly see this as a double entendre!
The core group that you influence…
and that influences in return.
Again, in this case…
members of the family.
But it could also easily mean “inform your core.”
I took this as a serious challenge.
There are a lot of things that I need to assess often….
that have to do with my CORE!
And nearly every tension requires…
that you act from your core…
to identify…
analyze…
and address it!
An example?…
Well, this past week.
I desire to be real with all of you…
my virtual community…
but at the same time…
healthy tension would dictate…
that I not frequently “dump” on you.
We all have problems and adversity in this life.
And when I look at those that others own…
I realize much of the time…
that mine are small in comparison.
Then there is the tension between “sappy”…
and appearing calloused.
For instance…
In the case of Alicia…
I don’t want to dwell for too long…
on why tragedy ends…
in the loss of human life for some…
and the reinforcement of its truly fragile state…
and what a precious gift it is…
for still others.
Yet…
this really has a lot to do with “informing my CORE.”
For me…
I have to revisit those values at times like this…
and remind myself…
that I trust the Sovereignty of a loving God…
that I personally use the Bible…
to navigate the CORE of my existence…
and that there are many things…
this side of eternity…
that require faith, trust, and hope.
Otherwise…
I’d most certainly go nuts…
trying to “figure it all out.”
My point?
You must identify, inform, and develop…
A CORE based on strength and absolute truth…
or it becomes difficult…
to move on to other levels of learning…
with one hundred percent effectiveness.
Next…
Continually recognize and give value…
to both sides of tensions.
This is so important…
in the process of developing individuals…
that know how to think…
rather than conditioning them…
regarding what to think.
Another important aspect…
as those that you mentor…
grow and mature…
is to start watching…
how heavily you weigh in with personal bias.
I’m not talking compromise of your core values.
Rather…
I’m encouraging the nurturing…
of time and space…
that is required to learn and hone the skill…
of knowing how to think independently…
as well as interdependently.
And…
at the end of the day…
don’t always allow the strong personalities…
within the family…
to win the day.
Finally…
Don’t think in terms of balance…
Think rhythm.
And remember…
there’s no doubt about it.
One of the greatest things…
that you can do…
for your family…
or organization…
is differentiate between…
tensions you will always need to manage…
versus problems that need to be solved.
Thanks for being here.
You’re all blessings to me…
and definitely help…
many times…
to bring relief to the tensions!
Until Wednesday,
Tension, part 2
August 13, 2010 By 3 Comments
Many thanks and update: The outpouring on the part of TommyMom readers where thoughts, prayers and well-wishes are concerned for Alicia, have been both inspiring and overwhelming. I cannot thank you enough. At the time of the last update, she and her parents are all exhausted. She, of course, from the physical aspects of the accident itself; her parents from the enormity of finding out the details from her rescuers, that surrounded that accident. They are so grateful and awed that she is alive. Alicia will be starting physical therapy very soon; and has suffered a broken arm, severe concussion, severe laceration to the right leg, and burns.
Her mother and one of her sisters spent the entire day yesterday removing glass from her hair as a result of the impact. It was actually in the form of dust! They are hoping that she will be stable enough to be released by the end of this week to go home and continue recuperating. Obviously one of the main concerns for the future, would be the psychological aftermath from a trauma such as this. She was in the front passenger seat of the van that was hit.
Again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They are much appreciated. ~ Teri
I was speaking to a dear friend and reader yesterday morning…
that expressed how much the “tension” post was making her think…
and re-think many things.
“It’s like a huge adjustment, Teri.
To be able to access issues as “tensions” that shouldn’t “go away”…
versus “problems” that should be solved…
is a major paradigm shift.
I’m thinking about it.”
So…
We will continue to discuss some of this…
probably into part of next week.
Because I’m going to assume here…
(knowing full well what that can do to “U” and “ME”)
that you are all somewhat quiet…
because you are thinking as well.
I would encourage you to read the comments…
that have been left…
because they are good, solid thoughts.
As a refresher to Monday’s post…
Andy Stanley stated that if you “resolve” tensions…
that should be leveraged…
you create a barrier to progress.
I think that it would be helpful…
to realize that the family unit…
is the foundational “organization” in any society.
One of the most significant steps, then…
would be to distinguish between the problems that need to be solved…
and the tensions that need to be managed.
Here are some questions that you can ask…
in order to determine these two categories successfully.
1. Does this problem or tension keep resurfacing?
2. Are there mature advocates for both sides?
3. Are the two sides really interdependent?
You can see where defining these two environments successfully…
could lead to lots of progress!
Here are some tensions…
that present themselves to all of us…
Family Culture vs. Education
School vs. Education
Young, Inexperienced Adulthood vs. Mature, Experienced Adults
Micro-Managing vs. Effective Mentoring That Helps To Structure Time
Discipline vs. Punishment
Expected “Norm” vs. Quality Time
Your thoughts on these tensions…
or input of others?
Here is the picture of our current fabulous giveaway…
which will be announced next week sometime!…
So keep those comments coming!
We interrupt our previously scheduled programming…
August 11, 2010 By 5 Comments
There’s no doubt about it.
This has been one of the most emotionally taxing months that I can remember…
and I’m not referring to a “day one of one month”…
to “day one of the next” scenario.
In fact…
it seems like all too recently…
I shared with you that I was emotionally spent…
and wanted to be candid and up front.
That the last thing that I ever want to convey…
is that I have somehow…
“arrived”…
Circumstantially or otherwise.
I have shared with you more than once…
that the “Hero Hubby” and I…
have worked with youth of all ages…
for over 20 years.
It has been both a privilege and an honor.
We have helped to develop some pretty amazing ones…
that will most definitely lead, move and shake their generation.
In fact…
the punks stellar young people pictured here…
were given a national honor…
thanks to the mentoring of their coach/mom!
She’s also pictured.
Last evening…
near Bishop California…
there was a tragic accident involving three vehicles.
One of the vehicles…
one of three vans full of athletes from California Baptist University…
suffered a fatality…
and serious injuries.
One of “our kids” was in that van.
She is in serious condition in a hospital in Mammoth…
to which she and others were air lifted.
She is currently stable.
I opened a discussion about tension Monday.
There have been some great contributions.
I hope that there will be more.
One of the tensions that wasn’t even on my radar…
but is currently in the forefront…
is this…
(and if you have young children…
listen up anyway…
because you WILL “get there!”)
That’s a promise.
Not a possibility.
There is the tension between young adults and parents.
It’s a healthy tension…
but often a delicate one.
You raise your kids…
Leadership Education model especially included…
to be independent…
self-sufficient…
responsible adults.
And yet…
what about the tension of naivete’…
on their part…
versus the “life experience”…
and exposure to “impossibilities”…
on yours?
Without the experience that you have…
they can’t be as mature and objective…
as they often need to be.
Because “society at large”…
sees and acknowledges them as adults.
Life is…
for the most part…
all that is delightful and good in their world.
They’re on a perpetual upswing…
for now.
You…
on the other hand…
have experienced the bittersweet balance…
that exists between what-if-I-don’t-get-that-position…
(or whatever you’d use to fill in the blank)…
and can’t provide what is needed?
Tension between idealism and reality…
and knowing how to leverage…
the relationship that you worked so tirelessly…
to cultivate with your “child-that-is-now-an-adult”…
for the ultimate good and benefit of all…
is a significant tension, for sure!
Their infallibility would normally be included somewhere in there as well.
But not today.
Or even this week.
Possibly not this month, either.
Because “our girl”, Alicia…
is lying in a hospital…
fighting a lot of things.
Both physically and mentally.
Won’t you please remember her and her family…
in your thoughts and prayers?
And Alicia…
for all the times that you went at me or Mr. Helms…
with full gusto…
and your toes-on-the-line…
the times you laugh hysterically…
even when you should have chosen silence…
the joy…
the now seemingly benign “defiance”…
that is often misplaced by zealous..
well-meaning..
up-and-coming young leaders…
could you use all of that robust energy…
and get well?
And while your at it…
know with all your heart, mind and soul…
that there is a God that loves you…
cares for you…
and miraculously spared you?
Thanks.
Oh…
and one last thing…
I don’t think I’ve told you since January…
how much I love you…
and how proud I am of you!
Now get busy, okay?
Moms, Dads, Mentors, Friends…
Brothers, Sisters…
and everyone in between…
a hug and a soft answer…
go a long way in easing negative tension…
while validating and enforcing the necessity of its presence.
By all means…
go practice!
A special thanks to my brother, Tim Driver…
who is not a biological parent…
but yet a parent-figure, friend, and extraordinary mentor to many…
including his big sister.
Thanks for leveraging tension so beautifully this afternoon…
like you always do…
and for giving me the inspiration for this blog post…
when I was grieving too deeply to do it alone.
I love you bunches.
Until Friday,
Tension, part 1
August 9, 2010 By 4 Comments
Feel yourself getting uptight simply looking at the title?
It’s not exactly a word that conjures up positive connotations!
This past Thursday and Friday…
I had the privilege of attending an incredible Global Leadership Summit.
It was telecast from Chicago.
The speaker line-up was simply amazing!
Jim Collins, Terri Kelly, Tony Dungy, Daniel H. Pink, Blake Mycoskie…
and THE Jack Welch…
to name a few.
That’s right.
I’ve attended a lot of conferences in my day…
and this one is hands down…
THE best investment of my time and money EVER.
Another speaker was a gentleman of less renown in the secular world…
by the name of Andy Stanley.
Andy is the senior pastor of a church in Alpharetta, Georgia…
that has a weekly attendance of more than 28,000 people.
He just turned 51.
The talk that he shared was not without huge epiphanies…
impact…
effectiveness.
It’s title?
The Upside of Tension.
This week…
all week…
we are going to talk about several of the things that he shared.
They are thought provoking…
conversation stimulating…
paradigm shifting…
principles.
And they couldn’t apply more…
to leaders…
and a Leadership Education environment.
I have thought so very much…
about what he had to say…
as it applies to my life as a wife…
mother…
mentor…
friend…
community leader.
Tension is defined in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary as…
1. The act of stretching or straining;…2. The state of being stretched or strained to stiffness; or the state of being bent or strained…3. Distension.
The premise is this…
Every “organization” has problems that shouldn’t be solved…
and tensions that shouldn’t be resolved.
Why?
Because in the resolve…
you simply create new tensions!
Real progress depends not on the resolution of those tensions…
but on the successful management of those tensions.
Here are an example of two tensions…
that we all need to manage regularly.
Schooling…
which according to the 1828 is…
instructing; teaching; reproving.
And Educating…
which is…
instructing; enlightening the understanding, and forming the manners.
He went on to explain…
that “problems to solve”…
are often mistaken for the tensions in life…
that need to be leveraged and managed!
Talk about thought provoking!
This week…
it is my hope…
that we will engage in interesting..
thought provoking dialogue together…
about all of the ways that we could make progress…
as leaders and mentors…
if we will learn to distinguish between problems and tension!
So…
put on your thinking cap…
even start taking the time to write down examples of “tensions”…
and we’ll meet up on Wednesday to begin discussing!
Don’t hesitate to share these in the comments section!
It will most likely broaden our options!
See you Wednesday!
And no…
I didn’t forget!
This week’s giveaway is also courtesy of Christy Gandara…
It is a set of two plexi-glass-like boards.
One is a “To Do” list…
the other is a “What’s Cookin’?” week day schedule- at- a-glance.
They’re convenient…
in that you use a wipe off Vis-a-Vis marker on each of them…
and start fresh both daily and weekly respectively.
They are decorated, of course…
and I will post a picture on Wednesday!
My brain has been going non-stop since Thursday…
and admittedly…
it is a refreshing change from my mouth…
is it not?!
I’m tired…
and I’ll see you Wednesday!
XO,
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