This was the text that I received…

at midnight on Friday night…

as I was finally beginning to doze off.

It was from a very dear friend…

and “fellow mom of 5″…

that was supposed to be…

taking a “mental health day”

Saturday with myself and others.

Unfortunately…

for me personally…

it really had become…

necessary to define the day…

as one that would…

hopefully…

restore the “health”…

to the “mental.”

Or at least….

some perspective…

to a tired…

and spent…

wife, mother…

daughter and friend.

Have you ever noticed…

that often…

the very best of each of us…

is accompanied by a slant or side…

that can all-too-quickly…

become our very worst?

I am an extremely driven individual.

I’ve been asked many times…

by several of you…

“How DO you do it all?!”

There’s a simple answer.

I don’t.

It may appear as if I do…

from time to time…

and mothers are certainly known…

for giving this impression…

but I come up short…

just like everyone else.

I over schedule..

under plan…

fight feelings of desperation…

that come from both a lack of that planning…

or the neglect of sufficient margin…

between activities…

that urge us to…

go, go, go.

The unusual urgency and fast pace…

of this entire summer…

has taken my breath away.

Fact is…

everyone needs periods…

of introspection…

and rest.

Where opportunity to ruminate…

on the things of life…

provides a clear vision of…

its responsibilities…

opportunities…

pressures…

joys…

successes…

challenges…

and privileges.

These sometimes become a blur…

if we aren’t careful…

to demand margin…

reasonable amounts of space…

healthy boundaries.

Lately..

I’m “there.”

So…

I will step back…

settle in to the Fall season…

steep myself in Family Culture…

as I’m taking serious note…

of several things.

For instance…

this initial inspiration into the world of motherhood…

is transitioning once again…

into the world of full blown…

responsible…

capable…

young adult.

He is teaching me…

what it entails to effectively “parent”…

an adult child.

We are watching our first born son…

shoulder more and more responsibility…

embrace amazing opportunities…

mature on an even deeper level…

in his personal relationships…

commitments…

and skill sets.

I make mistakes…

flounder at times…

with what to say…

how to effectively guide…

and find my footing in his world…

so that we are rewarded with healthy…

mother/son adult relationships.

This delight…

just turned 1-1.

When I think about it…

I swear he was just 1.

And this week…

this child…the “end of the line”…

will enter year #9 of life on this planet…

thus beginning his last anniversary of birth…

still in single digit numbers.

This son…

with these deliciously…

soft…

warm…

dimpled…

little boy hands…

will in a mere instant…

exchange these books…

for a finer…

more cultured set.

Oh yes, dear friends…

it’s time to breathe.

And in taking in those deep breaths…

to gratefully embrace…

and then savor…

the potpourri of scents…

that make up an ever evolving…

changing…

emerging…

Leadership Education based…

family culture.

It’s time to reacquaint myself…

with my family’s…

growth…

strengths…

weaknesses…

and triumphs.

Yes…

strong…

deeply intoxicating…

breaths…

are definitely in order.

I’m looking forward to it!

Hello, Fall!

What about you?

The past few weeks have been insanely busy.

Actually…

I think I blinked in June…

and here we are.

How does this happen?

Two weeks ago…

I entered a “contest” on Facebook.

I was to state in 100 words or less…

what my “favorite feel good” movie was…

and why.

I have several of those…

but narrowed it down…

per the request.

I was notified last Tuesday…

that I was the winner…

of two tickets…

to the Opening Night…

of the “Feel Good Film Festival!”

It was located here…

on this boulevard of the same name…

in this historic theatre.

The Hero Hubby was already scheduled…

to work in Malibu all day Saturday.

With a bit of re-arrangement…

to our schedule…

I was able to procure a hot date…

with Son #2…

a reasonable hotel room close by…

and we were off!

Kristen Ridgway-Flores…

pictured here on the right…

(with a big hug for Laura-on-the-Left…

our new favorite Brit!)

co-founded the Feel Good Festival…

three years ago…

with her friend America Young…

as a purposeful way…

to combat all of the darkness…

and evil…

that pervades our daily lives.

The festival featured 64 films, including 14 features, 39 shorts, and 11 student films. Along with the films offered throughout the festival, highlights included a lively Opening Night intro from Host Cheryl Hines; a New Media panel “Why Web Series Suck” presented by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce Community Foundation discussing some hot-button issues prevalent in the web community and highlighted by the world premieres of a handful of web series, an outdoor bazaar highlighted by “green” and health-oriented vendors, and nightly after parties in the Egyptian Theatre Courtyard. ~ The Los Angeles Times

We admittedly had other reasons to attend as well.

We are in love with this family…

that the “Hero Hubby” has known…

and grown up with…

pretty much his entire life.

Stephen married Kristen…

and makes his living in Hollywood…

doing “all kinds of cool things”…

most of which pertain to acting.

We hadn’t seen them in a long time…

and the “winning entry”…

provided opportunity…

and motivation all around!

I’ve told you before…

Los Angeles…

is quite a mecca of diversity…

and creativity…

without any room for doubt!

Need inspiration for a new hair style?…

look no further!

How about that special outfit…

or personal fashion statement?

(these shoes looked like real ruby slippers off of the Wizard of Oz set!)

There is simply no end…

to the people watching opportunities!

Ever wondered why most everyone…

is the “same height” in movies and television?…

Here’s your answer!

In addition to Friday’s Opening films…

We attended all day Saturday.

Many of them were simply brilliant!

This one…

was profoundly moving…

as well as thought provoking.

Entitled…

“That Doesn’t Look Like Me”…

it was the documentary…

of an artist that solicited…

other artist friends…

to go into a senior residence…

and paint or draw…

some of the individuals there.

They interviewed…

and got to know these people in the process.

As the credits rolled…

it was revealed…

that some of these beautiful individuals…

had since passed away.

There was also a challenge…

to engage in a community project of this nature.

We came out to…

some of the actual portaiture.

Powerful beyond belief.

It was an enriching experience!

We plan on going again…

should Kristen…

and her colleagues continue.

Here’s what Leadership Education…

has to say about this experience.

“Young people need to learn to think and lead before they start dividing themselves into campes of allies and enemies…A deep respect for all good ideas, people and organizations, and the ability to identify both the good and the error in all things is an important part of Transition.  This is where the child notices differences and draws conclusions that will either lead to a life of bias or respect…Leaders will remember lessons of Core and “trust the process,” knowing that its fruits are worth its labors.  And in the process, they will enjoy life, have a lot of fun, and learn to bring the best feelings and experiences into their lives.  Leadership can be challenging, but it should also be joyful.”~ Leadership Education, Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 170 and 266

We definitely had a lot of fun…

met some amazing folks along the way…

(hello again to Laura…

the exceptionally fun...

witty…

and “Brilliant Brit!)…

and definitely broadened our horizons…

while experiencing joy!

There is a lot of genius…

and amazing creativity out there..

floating around in the form…

of “the arts!”

How do you…

tap into them?

Through big city Productions?…

Festivals?…

Local theatre?…

High school performances?…

Regardless of the source…

I hope you’re tapping them…

to promote brain development…

deep thought processes…

and to build and strengthen…

all areas of learning.

On Monday, I asked a series of questions.

I so appreciated the comments…

made by faithful readers…

Christy Gandara and Stephanie Howells.

Your input and insights help others to see…

that everyone struggles…

makes mistakes…

and is ever changing and growing.

Often…

by learning from those mistakes!

I hope that I never give the impression that I’ve ever arrived!

Lordy!…

wouldn’t that be a crock!

Our family has been at this Leadership Education thing awhile…

so any errors and insights from our journey that I can share…

will hopefully save you the same personal experience!

One thing that we had to establish early on…

was that everyone has a cause…

a project…

a mission…

that, to them, is important and noteworthy.

And they’re all looking for reliable…

trustworthy…

able-bodied individuals…

to help them move the cause!

What happens…

when you are uncertain of your “why” in many cases…

is that you commit to “everything”…

in the hopes of looking like you’re doing “something!”

Been there…

done that…

have several t-shirts!

In establishing clearly…

and firmly identifying what you want…

as a family…

as a mentor to your children and others…

as an individual…

you naturally “weed out” things that may be good…

thus more easily identifying what can be “better”…

and open up your line of vision and opportunity…

to ultimately see what is best!

This also helps to strengthen family identity…

because you can plan…

strategize…

and determine what needs to be done…

together!

This helps everyone to be on the same page…

especially when the going gets tough!

This doesn’t happen over night for anyone.

In fact…

it takes practice!

Which is why it is important…

to read…

study…

form a community…

of like-minded individuals and thoughts…

from which you can learn…

benefit…

and draw strength.

Some other things that have been helpful along the way?…

Look carefully and constructively…

at the leadership that heads up “the cause” or “event.”

Is it stable?

Strong?

Does it have a proven track record?

There is nothing more disheartening…

than being “on board” with an event or cause…

only to find out midstream…

that people are looking to you or others…

for the ultimate decisions or worse yet…

leadership!

This can be most unfortunate.

The larger the event or cause…

the more uncomfortable this situation gets!

Yes, I am speaking from personal experience.

It is frustrating and demoralizing…

not to mention in many cases…

a waste of both your time…

and the time of the individuals you set out to be a blessing to…

when upper level leadership is weak or non-existent.

Another thing that you must clearly establish…

is a direct intent to think outside “the box.”

In this case…

I’m talking about an actual classroom.

For many…

the “DEFAULT” button defines learning…

by actual subject…

in a desk…

void of practical application…

through actual life experience!

You must determine…

to begin practicing and seeing…

“the classroom”in the world around you…

complete with actual subjects that are ever present!

It will revolutionize how you define…

see…

and clearly identify…

real education!

For example…

here is a small…

yet significant list…

of a few of many things that the “Hero Hubby” and I determined long ago…

were skill sets and attributes…

that we wanted our children to see modeled…

to understand for themselves…

and then ultimately “own”…

in their journey to adulthood under our mentorship.

1. A complete understanding of their faith base and the ability to articulate and defend it.

2. A global awareness that includes an understanding of the needs and challenges of others.

3.  The ability to work with all types of individuals, to see where they are coming from, to seek to understand their worldviews, and to value them as people above all else.

4.  To problem solve when things don’t go as planned, and be a part of a workable solution.

5.  To serve with an attitude of gratitude for all that they have been given.

6.  To bless others with their God-given talents, gifts, and abilities.

7.  To practice powerful, servant leadership that produces successful, effective results.

8.  To have a broad based awareness of other people’s vocations, professions and even personal entrepreneurial pursuits.

Did we come up with these overnight?

No.

Were each and every one of these clear from the day Son #1 was born?

Again, no.

Leadership Education as a lifestyle is honestly a life-long pursuit…

precept upon precept…

line upon line.

It’s a journey…

full of discovery…

success..

failure…

lessons.

Come back Friday…

to see how we applied all of this…

in choosing Summer Spectacular…

as a way to minister and bless others!

In the meantime…

I hope you continue to think about…

and ultimately find…

your place of blessing where others are concerned!

Yesterday, we celebrated fathers.

I trust you had a great day doing it!

For many people it is a wonderful day…

laden with gratitude for a man that led and taught them well…

and possibly continues to do so.

Still others…

struggle with painful not-so-swell memories and a nearly nonexistent figurehead.

For some…

there simply wasn’t a father present at all.

I happen to be blessed with the greatest Dad ever!

And a husband that is equally impressive.

Whatever your personal experience…

know that fathers and father figures are integral.

Those that don’t have a healthy model…

can certainly think of a teacher…

a coach…

a neighbor…

a friend…

that helped to fill the gap and stepped up to the calling.

I hope that not only yesterday…

but each and every day…

you express gratitude for these individuals.

They work hard…

sacrifice much…

stabilize always.

I will be talking more about fathers in August…

the month of my dear Dad’s birth!

Now for the rest of today…

this week…

and possibly next…

SUMMER SPECTACULAR!

Several of you e-mailed…

asking if I was “really going to share HOW to do something like this.”

The answer is yes!

It’s always yes, by the way…

what needs to happen in addition to being given information…

is your personal, introspective look…

at how this applies to you…

and what you need to do to adjust, change, grow.

We all have to evaluate these things…

regularly.

Regardless of the event…

and the level of commitment that is being requested or required…

the tyranny of good vs. better vs. best…

is ever present.

Sometimes you fail to choose the wisest option.

In which case…

you simply learn whatever you can from your mistake

and get ready to engage again!

One of the things that you must know…

is your “why.”

Why are you doing this…

why do you feel that you should…

why are you committing time and effort to this event…

or venue.

What happens…

especially in the case of many home educators…

is that a “crisis” of sorts…

causes you to choose the home education option.

And in many cases…

you never get to the point where you evaluate…

the “why” behind your decision to do what you do.

The same really does hold true for other educational choices…

and most of LIFE!

Developing a family culture and identity is inclusive of evaluating choices…

events…

commitments.

“Parents must get off the conveyor belt twice; once, mentally/emotionally and the other time, physically/behaviorally.  Unfortunately, many people attempt to do the second one first, and then wonder why their results are not what they hoped.  In other words, they teach the concepts to their children but fail to fully live and exemplify them.  They say and do things that undermine the phases and other important principles of Leadership Education because they do not intrinsically trust the process, and are not fully implementing it.” ~Oliver and Rachel DeMille, Leadership Education

So…

before we really get “into the throes”…

of evaluating involvement and contributions…

to events and causes…

let’s start here.

Why do you want to “get involved?”

What are your gifts and talents?

What types of life experiences do you possess?

Do these experiences meet a need…

that is currently looking to be filled?

How will this affect the entire family?

How long will the commitment be?

Does this align with my dreams…

my objectives…

my goals…

where educating…

and modeling for life are concerned?

Again…

each and every one of us must ask these questions.

Asking them before we actually commit…

ultimately saves a lot of time…

energy…

and possible frustration!

Have you asked yourself any of these questions lately?

How about now?

I’d love to hear you thoughts!

By the time you all read this…

we will be in the throes…

of what is literally the busiest week of our family’s year.

You know, it’s funny…

I used to think, back in the days…

when I was a mom with very young children…

how much “easier” things would be when they “got older.”

This, folks, is nothing more than a myth!

The “issues” are more intense…

complicated…

diverse.

But so are the rewards…

the proofs of abilities grasped…

concepts understood.

It’s nothing more than a trade off, really.

One form of  “busy” exchanged for another.

We are participating in an event…

run by our church…

entitled “Summer Spectacular.”

The last day of school here in our desert…

was Friday.

Every day this week…

at least 1,000 children…

will converge on our campus…

to celebrate life…

the beginning of summer…

and a tremendous…

over-the-top event…

that really is…

well…

SPECTACULAR!

This year…

every one in our family over the age of 10…

was asked to commit to at least one key role.

Mine is to chair an area called “Shepherds”…

which are the individuals that work with the kids directly.

They move them from rotation to rotation…

build relationships…

and have a lot of fun.

I am also simultaneously debuting a new program…

for the Junior Shepherds.

It teaches Leadership Education principles…

and assumes that they signed up because they really want to be there!

So far, it’s going well…

but as always…

there are interesting situations.

I’ll share more about this with you next week…

if I live.

There are 105 junior high and high school age kids that signed up.

And over 200 adults.

The beautiful thing is…

Leadership Education works.

Every time.

If you will simply practice the 4 Phases…

and the 7 Keys.

It doesn’t really matter what the atmosphere…

or situation.

And given effective implementation…

the numbers can even be somewhat irrelevant.

You’re going to have success.

I keep telling myself these things over and over again.

Much like a mantra.

Because upon referencing the opinion of Socrates…

I think I recognize a few of those youth…

but we’re working on it.

I’ll keep you posted!

” If you are joyful, it will shine in your eyes and in your look, in your conversation and in your countenance.  You will not be able to hide it because joy overflows.

Joy must be one of the pivots of our life.  It is the token of a generous personality. Sometimes it is also a mantle that clothes a life of sacrifice and self-giving.  A person who has this gift often reaches high summits.  He or she is like a sun in a community.” ~ Mother Teresa

How’s your joy barometer these days?

Graceful, soft spoken…

one of those people that could pull off being a runway model on twenty minutes notice because of the way that they always carry themselves…you get the idea!

She also happens to be a very talented jewelry designer…

and an almost-from-day-one avid supporter of TommyMom.

She made this beautiful necklace last year, and I simply “had to have it!”

I can’t tell you how many people stop me and ask me where I got it.

I believe that most Americans are really exceptional people.

And that they define patriotism.

“Patriotism means to stand by the country.  It does not mean to stand by the President.” ~ T. Roosevelt

I think that we’ve fallen into a trap of  taking freedom for granted…

and not thinking that it always costs us something.

We’ve become a nation of polarized people…

with a chasm between “both sides of the aisle.”

Whatever that “aisle” means.

The next time you’re tempted to blurt something out…

without really thinking…

how about asking yourself if it is honestly in the best interest of our country?

I’m not talking about taking stands for what is right…

I’m talking about honestly seeing the person next to you as an American…

that more than likely loves this country as much as you do…

and making an effort to not polarize them as a human being.

We the people…

make or break our country.

Michelle has generously donated this necklace to TommyMom as a giveaway!

All you have to do is read the articles in the two links below…

and leave your comments.

Each and every comment…

from any and all posts this next week…

counts towards an entry to win this beautiful sterling and hammered copper necklace.

It doesn’t get any easier than this!

You have until next Wednesday to get it done!

I read this article over the long weekend…

as well as this one.

The first had really interesting, thought provoking information and statistics; as well as interesting points of view.

The second is one opinion…

but is undeniably in favor of Leadership Education principles being practiced.

Actually, they both are.

The need for; as well as the practice of, Leadership Education principles is all around you.

You just need to look and continue your own journey and pursuit…

through personal study and application.

I’m anxious to hear your comments after you’ve taken time to read the articles as well!

They’re not lengthy…

but give great opportunity for thought.

And I want to hear yours!

Happy Reading!

You are amongst my greatest treasures.  Today’s interview highlights one such individual.

I met Amy through TommyMom and asked her if she would agree to be interviewed.  She said “yes!”  One of the reasons that this is so significant, is because Amy and her husband Steve have 18 children!  You are not reading a typo. E-i-g-h-t-e-e-n.

We conducted our interview on Facebook with one another, as it is difficult for her to talk on the phone.

Please put your clicking keyboards together, and welcome Amy Maus!

And don’t forget to leave a comment…

Hey, Amy!  How are you?

Just heading the kids off to quiet–just a second.  Okay–ready.

I’m good!  How are you?

Just finishing a post to the Dead Aid colloquia, and I’m good, thanks!

I wanted to read that, but I have too many other books piled up that I am reading right now…

It’s a very thought provoking read…

I do understand; but hope that you will come over and see the discussion.

I will do that–thanks!

Amy, when I first started getting to know you and I read that you had 18 children, I thought that I was reading a misprint!  Did you start giving birth at 12?!

We have 5 biological children that are 17, 15, 5, 3, and 1.  We began adopting in 1996; following that path because I was briefly in foster care as a child and God gave me a burden for kids in that situation.

We have adopted four times, all sibling groups but 1; so 13 of our children have come to us through state foster care.

We have various special needs ranging from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome to Reactive Detachment Disorder; along with various medical issues.

Fifteen of our children are still living at home, and the age range spans from 21 years down to 17 months.

I have always wanted to ask someone in your particular circumstance; what having the diversity of background does to affect the family dynamic that you and your husband have in place.

It’s good in ways and hard in ways.  We had a major crisis two years ago because of some behaviors a new group of kids brought in that was pretty damaging–it took a long time of recovery for all of us.  But, our kids are all learning the meaning of giving up your life to help someone else.

My brother, Tim, has a long history of working with at-risk youth.

That is awesome!  So many adoptive families that I know are in crisis because the system is pretty messed up…It’s great that Tim has dedicated himself to that.  So many kids have no advocates.  When birth parents are abusive early in life or the kids are taken away who shouldn’t be; the damage is life long.

I so admire what you have done!

Thanks.  It is hard, but it’s what God gave to Steve and I as our mission…

We haven’t always had support from those around us.  I think mainly because they have realized the pain involved in our decision.

That’s an excellent point!

Okay, so you’re “going along” in life, and God is adding “groups” of people to your family. How do you adjust?  I’m asking from the standpoint of scheduling and also, if your large family was an impetus for your agrarian push on life?

Well, Teri, God blessed me by making me very organized.  I schedule everything!  This is a huge bonus.  Adjustment always takes at least 6 months.  The last adoption that we did was nearly 8 years ago, so we haven’t been through that in awhile.  Our agrarian life came about in a strange way.  I have always been very interested in nutrition and healthy eating.  In fact, my husband and I met in a health club where I worked.  After I read Jordan Rubin’s book, “The Maker’s Diet”, I wanted to try some dairy goats so that we could have raw goat’s milk.  At the same time, one of our adopted sons wanted some chickens.

The farm work ended up being so good for the kids and they all loved the animals so much; that we have just grown from there! Now we raise goats, cows, pigs, chickens and turkeys; all mainly heritage breeds.

I was excited when I read “Leadership Education” and I realized how important they thought agrarian life was
to this model of education!

How did you come to the Leadership Education model, Amy?

We have home educated almost from the beginning–nearly 16 years now.  In the last couple of years, our children became involved in the Trivium/Classical model of education; but I still felt that something was missing.  I have always felt that you can’t make a child learn something that he or she wasn’t interested in.  I remember from my own school experiences.  I was an excellent student because I had a good memory.  Not much of what I learned really stuck with me! Last year a friend told me that I should read “A Thomas Jefferson Education.”  We loved it, and it put into words so much of what I had already been contemplating!

I want my kids to always keep learning…just as I do now.  I have learned so much in the last 5 years or so because I wanted to learn it.  I want my kids to know that graduation never happens around here! We believe that our main purpose as parents is to do as Deuteronomy 6 says about guiding your children.

Then, so much of what they learn will be what God is directing them to learn for their life purpose.

So…how do you do all of this?

Well, our children really do love the security of “rules.”  And Steve and I have the same family rules for ourselves.

Every child has a schedule that they must follow, as do I.  All of the kids have chores.  Some teach younger kids subjects they have mastered; or subjects they need extra help on.  Our older children have jurisdictional areas; of which they are completely in charge.

For example…

One daughter plans and makes dinners for all of us and also has a paying farm job.

Two other girls are responsible for house cleaning chores each day, etc.

I have a mandatory 2 hour quiet time during the afternoon; and this is a must for me.  It’s when I read my Bible and also read the books that I am studying.  I write in my journal then as well.

I also rise an hour before everyone else does; so that I can read some blogs I enjoy and Facebook entries.  Finally, quilting and sewing are a passion of mine and I fit them in wherever possible.

May I ask what Steve does for a living?!

He is a special operations helicopter pilot in the Air Force.

Holy Cow!  You live with Jack Bauer!

We own our little farm, but realized after we got here, that it is too far from Steve’s work and isn’t quite enough land; so we are selling it and looking for a bigger one.

What are you currently reading?

“Table Talk” by Martin Luther, “Christianity and the Constitution” by John Eidsmore, “The Mother at Home” by John Abbott, and “The Sovereignty and Goodness of God” by Mary Rowlandson.  Oh!  And I am quickly reading Ira Stoll’s book on Samuel Adams so that I can get it back to the library on time!

May I ask how in the world you found TommyMom?

I think it may have been through “TJEd for Teens.”

Have you ever been to hear Dr. Brooks speak or attended Face to Face?

No, but I’ve taken a Great Books course with him.  He hasn’t come to our area…yet.

It’s no secret how much I love and admire him and his family.  Talk about organic TJEd in action!

And if you can find time for a Great Books class….who can’t?!

What it is that you particularly love about the Leadership Education model?

I love that Leadership Education does several things–it frees me to allow the children to follow their natural bent without feeling guilty.  I love that it allows me to study without feeling guilty.  I like that its main purpose is in teaching the love of learning, because as I said; there is no graduation.  You should always be learning.  Most of all, I love watching my children be excited about what books they are going to put on the library list next…

Beautiful.

Anything else?

Just remember that children are a blessing and God has given them to us for such a short time.  Make the most of every day, love them lots; and above all guide them in His paths.

I want to know what time you get up and what time you go to bed!

Wake up and bed time?  6 a.m. for the kids… 5 a.m. for Steve and I.

And 8:30 is bedtime for us all!…I’m usually fried by that time!

I can’t even imagine!

May I ask what steps you take to “cement’ your family identity?  Especially with the diversity of backgrounds in your kids.

We all attend church together. No breaking up by age groups for us.  And Steve leads the kids in a nightly study and Psalm sing.  They love that leadership from their dad.

Amy, you are honestly one of my heroes!

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, Teri.

Thank you for being willing to be interviewed!  And will you please thank Steve for defending our freedoms?  I appreciate his willingness to do that so very much!

Well, thank you for considering me–I’ve never done an interview before.

Gee!…

I wonder why?!

She and I were backstage in a huge convention center, preparing to receive tremendously public recognition for a leadership level we both achieved in our direct sales company.  Admittedly, it was a bit daunting…in that there were 10,000 of our “closest friends” beyond the stage…and while we waited for our names to be called..we could hear them all screaming with excitement.

I felt something bumping against my back, and upon turning around, came face to face with a pasty white Katherine, who, by this time, had tears streaming down her face.  I had never recalled seeing her before.  I’m West Coast, she’s East.  Her knees were locked, and she was “fixin’ to faint!”

Me: “Hey, what are you doing?!:

Katherine: (in a faint whisper) “I simply can’t do this.  I thought I could, but I can’t.  I’m terrified.”

Me: (grabbing her by the shoulders) “Okay, listen…you’ve worked for years to earn this privilege.  You can do this and you will.”

Katherine: “No, really, I just want to go home.  Do you hear that crowd?”

Me:”Yes.  And it’s full of individuals…mostly moms…that you have led. They are waiting to celebrate with you.  We’re going out there.  I’ll go first.”  ( H is before M…there was really nothing heroic about the offer…)

Katherine: “What if I can’t?”

Me: “Don’t make me come back here and get you after I’ve been recognized…because I will.” ahh…the “warm, fuzzy approach” that I so often use!

Today, as she shares one of the most personal pieces of her heart with you, please know one thing…

I’d go back for her with no hesitation…

in whatever life situation we happen to share!

That night she “bumped” in to me…

was the beginning of a wonderful friendship that spans two coasts…

but in which two hearts are very close… despite the miles.

I love you to pieces woman!

And with that…

ladies and gentlemen…

meet Katherine McCauley!

Well, I guess some things never change, because I’m nervous today as well!

I don’t want to babble on and on and sound stupid.

I came to TommyMom when I saw on Teri’s Facebook page that she had a blog.

My initial reaction was that since I didn’t home educate…

it wasn’t for me.

I was wrong!

The things I love about Teri were really evident.

Humor…

and a good dose of it after something bitingly honest…

the invitation to be loved and accepted unconditionally while being yourself…

I signed up and I’m really enjoying the ride!

I love to think and to learn new things.

In fact, we moved our son, Will, from a “regular” private school last year

to this Jesuit high school.

The academics are very leadership based…

and he is having to think and evaluate more than ever.

We love that!

It’s challenging us to a more rigorous learning curve as well.

I think that in this way, TommyMom is for anyone.

It encourages you to think outside of the box while having fun.

I was born in Texas, but moved when I was only a few months old to Alabama.

My folks have lived in the same house in Birmingham since I was a kid.

Growing up, I just knew that I would have four children…

three boys and a girl.

My husband and I married a lot later than most of our friends…

I was 28 and he was 30.

A year into our marriage, I began having a lot of physical issues…

that pertained to my reproductive system.

We initially joked about it, saying that my warranty was up…

and I had surgery.

When I finally became pregnant, I was elated!

Being the personality that I am…

I took this news full cycle!

I had kids, could see the school years and graduation laid out before me…

college, marriage and grandkids!

And then I miscarried.

Bill and I had built a huge home in rural New York on 6 acres.

We just knew that we were going to have a house full of kids…

entertain both them and their parents…

hosting many a social event.

I became pregnant again.

Another miscarriage.

And again.

The feelings of pain, isolation, and failure on my part…

were beyond devastating.

I became jaded, in that I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I quit telling people that I was pregnant…

because I feared failing yet again.

The fourth time I became pregnant…

I braced myself.

When I went to the doctor, and he checked my hormone levels…

I was 1/10th of a point above what it takes to maintain a pregnancy in the first trimester!

Our son Will was born May 13, 1995.

When he was 2, I miraculously became pregnant again.

I was hosting an event in my home for my direct sales business…

and thankfully, my primary care giver was present.

I didn’t feel well, and she asked me to go in and get checked.

By the time I got to the office, they had taken their last ultrasound patient for the day.

Mercifully, I was sent to the local hospital, where they discovered an ectopic pregnancy.

While the surgeon was finishing a break…

and I was on a gurney in the hallway awaiting surgery…

I hemorrhaged.

Looking back…

I thought I was taking a nap, when in reality…

I lost 2 liters of blood and had gone unconscious.

I was fortunate to be alive.

They informed me that there was a 1 in 1,000,000 chance…

that I could ever maintain a pregnancy again.

This news was so devastating and crushing that I had to seriously take stock of my life.

I had to give up my plan…

and trust that God didn’t need me to dictate how things should be done.

I needed to rest in His plan…

and find contentment for what my life’s purpose was supposed to be!

People often assume so many things about a single child family.

They think that somehow, your life is so much easier than the lives of others.

I remember when Will was about 15 months old…

and he was struggling with anxiety separation in a setting that he was quite familiar with.

A father came by and saw our struggle and stated to me…

“I don’t know why you don’t just “go”and stop this emotional nonsense.

You’re not a real parent until you have multiple children anyway.”

I still marvel at the insensitivity and judgment that so many well meaning people wield!

Yet, for me, those were fighting words!

I came to realize that I could choose to be bitter and play the part of a victim…

or I could use my gifts, talents and potential to do great things.

People have asked why we didn’t adopt.

There were strict age limitations on adoption in New York at the time…

and we honestly weren’t ever on the same page…

where this option was concerned.

Instead, I set about to offer my life and my family to serve others.

I built a very large direct sales business…

in spite of the fact that people said it was easier for me because “I only had one child.”

I learned to ignore that statement pretty early on and love them anyway.

I want to know who said it, but she wasn’t specific…

I desired to slap them…in love of course…

because I built that same size business and am here to tell you…

that that idiot misinformed individual needed a reality check!

We were always challenged in a healthy way to provide our son with social interaction.

We wanted him to be around all ages…

all profiles…

of people.

This was challenging!

We orchestrated play dates and social events…

that aligned with our goal for him to be well rounded.

He began to swim at age 5…

and very competitively by 8.

I became a certified U.S.A. swimming official.

This way…

I could be on deck…

and have the opportunity to travel to all of the meets…

both to hug and encourage not only my own son…

but other kids as well!

I spent years designing and creating elaborate sets like this one…

for our community summer vacation bible school.

This took a huge investment of time and personal resources…

and Will would be right there with me…

interacting with others…

while helping to build, create and finish!

We have hosted many, many Chinese students through an international exchange program.

My husband has traveled to China on business a few times…

and we have developed a love and connection with these people.

It has been such a blessing to watch them experience so many things in our Western culture…

for the very first time.

Currently, I am working on a project very near and dear to my heart.

I have vacationed since the age of 15 months on the northwest Florida panhandle.

I am heartbroken to think about the devastation of the oil spill…

and that it is headed this way.

Teri said that I could share the following address with you…

(at the time of this writing, we’re still getting that for you and will post on Monday…)

in the hopes that many of you would choose to help.

If you have panty hose that you could send..

or know of individuals that do…

they are being used, along with human and pet hair from barbers, salons, and animal groomers…

to make buoys!

Hair soaks up oil…

and if we all do something...

we may very well divert the spill and its potential to damage.

hello….GREAT community service project that benefits our nation!  Collect pantyhose and hair and send them!

how simple is THAT?!?!?

They are also accepting Home Depot cards for any amount to purchase the PVC.

I wanted to go and help…

but there are restrictions as to the procedures and volunteer profiles.

This is something we could all be involved in.

My husband Bill and I also made a point of reaching out to our neighbors…

by hosting a community barbeque years ago.

I bake things for neighbors in need…

and check in with them regularly.

We were shocked to find out…

that until we spear headed this effort years ago…

our neighbors, who also live on acreage…

didn’t even know one another!

There is so much to be said for the diminishing art of genuinely caring for your fellow man.

I’m sharing my meatloaf recipe here.

It’s great for a “quick” help when someone is in need.

( ahhh…you can take the girl out of the South, but you’ll never take the South out of the girl!…She did give me a wonderful idea!…there is a new tab on the main page entitled “Let’s Eat!”  Forever more… when you are spotlighted on TommyMom, if you feel so inclined to share one of your recipes with all of us…we will all cherish this act of benevolence…and think of you when we eat!)

In closing, I would like everyone to please consider this.

We are a nation full of quips and trite sayings.

When someone is hurting or in need…

if you can’t think of anything to say…

it really is okay to just hug them…

and say, “I’m sorry.”

No one is expected to be a fount of wisdom.

Especially when people lose a child…

at any stage.

I came to realize that what I wanted and needed most during my own pain…

was a hug…

and comfort that was spiritually good.

I found a booklet that I have purchased by the hundreds…

to give to those that I meet along the way that have been in my position.

Perhaps it would be helpful to someone here.

It’s entitled, “I’ll Hold You In Heaven” by Jack Hayford.

I think that that’s about it.

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!

Did I do okay, Teri?

you are kidding me, right?!  I’ve half cried my way through this!

Thank you for being willing to share!…even the Meatloaf! XO

p.s.  And might I just add..I knew we were destined to be friends when I saw one of her favorite quotes…

“You’d better dip those words in chocolate, baby, because one day you might have to eat ‘em!” ~her Daddy

This certainly hits uncomfortably close to home…for some of us!

Dambisa Moyo colloquia begins Monday on Facebook!  Keep reading!  You’re not behind…just jump in where you are!

Apparently, we all get a dose of flexibility together.  I’ve decided that yoga may need to be added to my “bucket list”…  Along with a ready supply of Prozac for moments “such as these.”  Then I realized, “Hey, wait a minute!  I have five children!…All of which are boys!…What is this in the scope of reality?!  Annoying. …Now let’s move on!

I had asked some questions when Son #1 “threw down the gauntlet” at the first of the week…

I am going to respond to those today, if that’s acceptable.

Even if it isn’t…

you’re here, I’m here…

(again)…but I’m not bitter…

so let’s “rap” it up, shall we?

Leadership Education in its truest form…

is a lot like poor Jay-Z standing there without a “studio.”

( Poor here being nothing more than a sentiment, I assure you.)

It’s based on the Seven Keys and the Four Phases.

Validated and fueled by things called relationships.

True education begins, continues and ends with those.

So when I ask “Why do I care?”…

The simple response is…

Because I must.

If I want this to work…

to be successful…

and to validate my personal mission…

then I build.

And I seek.

I seek after wisdom and truth.

Here in the “Household of TommyMom”…

we do our best to focus on the “dos” while minimizing the “don’ts.”

This isn’t always easy.

Simple, yes…

especially to write or speak.

It is the doing that becomes the litmus test, however.

I don’t tend to be a shouter of the mantra…

“Circle the Wagons!”…

when every little thing that comes my way…

in my children’s generation presents itself in my life.

There’s no way that I can honestly “understand”.

And the “more seasoned” I become in my life…

the more comfortable I am with this fact.

I wasn’t called to be in their generation…

I was called to participate in my own.

I wish more people understood this concept when “growing children.”

There appear to be a lot of inmates running the proverbial asylum so to speak…

for the sake of parental validation that presents itself as  “hip” or “cool.”

Rather, my job is to pursue after…

seek…

establish…

and confirm…

absolute truth.

So that when every little thing that comes along within the culture…

asserting consistent attempts to chip away at…

assault…

and invalidate that truth…

the children and students under my care…

see it for what it is…

process it in an effective way…

and then engage their generation and the current culture accordingly.

My job is to give them a stable and consistent home from which to do all of this…

that is grounded in the security of that truth…

and my own example in engaging as effectively as possible.

This produces true impact.

In your family…

your community…

and the world.

Can you recognize the “sound” of a true education?…

Or is the “studio mix” pulling you along with the tide?

Do you know which direction you’re going?…

Or does some of the noise in the form of a “backwards” percussion…

swirl around in your head…

manifesting itself in disappointing or poor decisions?

Take heart.

We’ve all been there from time to time.

The beautiful thing…

is that because Leadership Education is so organic…

being governed by nothing more than Keys and Phases…

you can “take to the stage” at any time!

You can restructure the definitions…

the environments…

the priorities…

the sound.

Today, I simply challenge you to make it your own.

Evaluate the “you.”

Model for the “them.”

You can do this.

The reward certainly may not be monetary…

but it is life changing…

and the results impact and change the world!

Take that, Mr. Gremlin!

Happy Friday!