So far, Hailey has submitted the only 2 comments for the Wednesday Winner giveaway of the Mother Teresa goodies.  Really?!  I find it hard to fathom that she is the only one that has anything to say. I was just informed that it wasn’t delivered automatically to in boxes. Phooey on mail servers.  Comment until Tuesday evening at 8:00 PST and you could still win. In keeping with Friday’s theme 9 you’ll have to go back and read it, I guess)…a dear friend shared with me twice this week that her profession is suffering from “compassion fatigue.” Sadly, I find it ironic that I think I was born with it.

When you discuss Leadership Education…

people tend to want to rush to get to the significant stuff.

You know…

the things you can see…

and measure.

The character traits, qualities…

and personal behaviors that validate…

and prove the success of methodologies.

Much of the time…

the greatest things produced in this life…

are built through practices…

and efforts…

that simply can’t be quantified.

This gets scary.

Because, you see…

when we really get down to it…

life is full of variables.

And interruptions.

And unpredictable things.

In fact…

it’s made up of them.

Leadership Education…

as defined by Oliver DeMille…

in “A Thomas Jefferson Education”…

has 4 Phases…

and 7 Keys.

People tend to aim for the one titled Scholar.

But reality suggests…

that we live a lot of life…

in Core.

My dear friend Rebecca Brandt…

writes at  MomsMustardSeeds.com.

Today…

and for the next 2 weeks Mon.-Fri. …

she is highlighting Leadership Education.

They are excellent pieces…

and she was mentored on a conference call…

with myself and Dr. Shanon Brooks.

They are wonderful…

and I encourage you to read them.

Perhaps “I read Rebecca”…

could be one of your quick contest comments here?

Just a thought.

Because you see…

when life hits you hard…

and you honestly don’t know if you can go on…

with faith, vision…

and hope that healing will occur…

you can pause…

breathe…

build Ferris Wheels for Little Green Men…

from scratch with no pattern…

and have your mom marvel that he doesn’t tip over…

even when the wheel is cranked because he’s so balanced.

If you’re ten…

you don’t have to be brave when grief hits you…

and can lay on your mom’s bed and let tears freely flow…

while you ask really tough questions about life…

and death and people you love leaving this earth.

And if you’re 17…

and have a huge life milestone coming up this week…

along with a 20 page thesis that’s due…

you’re secure enough in your relationship with her…

that you can be very vulnerable about your personal strengths…

weaknesses, disappointments…

and what you’ve learned and are still learning through all of them.

As the “Mom”…

you realize that this journey…

is different for every individual…

and that Core phase…

done properly guarantees that things will turn out right…

because physical and spiritual relationships are healthy…

and always what matters most.

And as the “Mom”…

you realize that vulnerability and raw honesty…

are two way streets…

and that those who are broken…

can’t help to heal others in the same place.

So you step back into Core.

And breathe.

And agree with the 17-year-old ( Son #3)…

to type said thesis…

if he will submit his mind map.

While you’re typing away…

and randomly discussing really deep things…

you look over to see this…

and then this…

and you realize that life may go on.

Later…

with many pages still to go…

and Son #3 begging for a break…

you see that the punk…

has uploaded this last photo…

where he’s “pierced” with paper clips…

to one of your friends…

complete with text messages…

stating that he went out today…

and came home looking like this!

Her opinions are clearly expressed…

and you stop and realize still further…

that life will go on…

time softens the sharp edges of grief and pain…

and Uncle Tim is laughing.

It also rings true…

that nothing truly great is accomplished..

whether through learning or executing in life…

without solid…

open…

honest relationships.

Yep, we’re going to make it.
Much thanks and appreciation to Dr. Shanon Brooks for investing in both Rebecca and me to mentor us in Leadership Education principles this past week.  Your passion for these principles, and the use of them to invest in people is always humbling and something I personally never tire of listening to you teach about.

When I started TommyMom, I had no idea the direction it would ultimately take and how it would evolve.

Some days, I still wonder if I’m any more enlightened…and that’s okay. It really is.

I am not out to be the expert on anything…other than my own family…and what I offer you, is always done so…with the hope and intent that from my crazy life and world, you will perhaps glean something that will be of inspiration, use, and assistance on your own path and journey.

That being said…today’s offering is made up of some insights I’ve learned along the way…in parenting my 5 boys, while living life.  It is by no means comprehensive…Lordy sakes, no!…nor is it an end-all.  These things are shared in the hopes that I remain real, vulnerable, and helpful.

As you read this…I am in Cedar City, Utah…with Sons #2-#5.  Yes, I did just return from a family wedding Sunday evening…more on that Friday…and yes I’m tired.  However, Cedar City hosts a fabulous Shakespearean Festival…and Sons #2-#3 desired to attend.  Son #2 is passionate about him.  There is a time frame of opportunity.  Enough said.

I remember one particular seminar I had the privilege of attending with Dr. Oliver DeMille.  As he was laying out some tenets of Leadership Education, a woman in the audience..who apparently became rather shell-shocked as to the level of commitment…raised her hand and exclaimed,”Excuse me, but this methodology does not appear to be at all convenient!” Dr. DeMille chuckled and replied, ” Ya think?!”  Which brings me to…

1.  Any relationship worth cultivating, will not be built primarily on convenience.

Parenting has many “looks and styles” in today’s Dad/Mom market.  Decide what you want, and how you want it.  Unlike my blog…Hero Hubby and I didn’t wait for a style or methodology to “just evolve.” It’s easy to get into a mode of coasting along, and it pays to check in with one’s self regularly in regards to objectives, goals, and methodologies being used. It keeps things running well, in spite of what is going on in life.

At each phase of development, there are things to celebrate and things to work through.  It’s a fact.  Choose to develop, celebrate and work. There won’t be a magical time…when the people in your charge and care…choose to wake up…and confide in you and choose your company.  In fact…children emulate and model what they see.  We all give our lives for something.  Make it count.

2.  Be intentionally vulnerable.

There is nothing admirable about portraying an image that you are invincible. You’re not.  Get over it.

Because the sooner you do, the deeper your relationships will go. Sometimes, you just have to trust this process.

When my brother-in-law died…life stunk.  It stunk for quite awhile.  In fact, surrounding every milestone…every major accomplishment…every deeper life commitment…there are tears.  We cry for what could have been and isn’t. Yet in the midst of that…there is gratitude as well…for what has been defined and refined through tragedy.

My sister-in-law Nancy…is an inspiration and incredible resource for choosing a life of joy rather than bitterness.  I reference her frequently and love for my kids to spend time with her.  Part of choosing vulnerability, is knowing when you should outsource certain skill sets and examples…because someone else has been called to live them in ways that you possibly have not.  Be grateful for this, look for the strengths in people around you, and utilize and leverage them.  It maximizes your daily efforts and gives credibility and insight into what you’re building every day that will stand as your legacy.

3.  You can’t ever go wrong…investing in people.

Yes, it will be inconvenient in comparison to pursuing your own interests.  It is worth it.  Press on.

People are complex creatures.  It will be messy.  It is worth it. Press on.

Relationships that are deep and genuine trump performance and accomplishment in the final analysis.

In the final analysis…I want my sons to know…that people are always a great place to expend time and resources…for they are what really matters in this life and for eternity.

It takes time to cultivate…mold…and shape.

Relationships…like Rome…aren’t built in a day.

As Americans…we want a “quick everything.”

Legacy and quick aren’t well acquainted with one another.

Purpose or re-purpose…

to invest in…

build…

and pursue…

what can’t readily be seen…

today.

Because within families…

as the fruit begins…

to become apparent…

and legacy unfolds…

there’s simply nothing like it!

Friday…

I’ll be sharing some of ours.

“We Have a Winner Wednesday Monday!”  The winner of the fall candle is Maureen Feist!  Congratulations, Maureen!  Maureen lives in Oregon, in the cutest vintage house…complete with white picket fence!  I have known Maureen for over 20 years, and am privileged to call her my friend.  She home educated all three of her now-adult children.  Send me an e-mail at helms.teri@gmail.com with your address, Maureen, and the candle is on its way!  XO, Teri ;0)

“A good mentor will most likely turn down the individual seeking to be mentored, the first time they make the request.  Quite possibly, the second inquiry will be met with a “no” as well.  It is a wise individual that continues to pursue the mentor that they know will help them to further their mission and goals.”  ~ Olivcr DeMille

I remember it as if it were yesterday.

Son #3 requested that I take him to our church…

so that he could participate…

in music auditions.

For those of you that may not be “of the church going persuasion”…

or have a differing “religious worldview”…

you need to understand something here.

My brother Tim..

affectionately refers to our church…

as the “church of Costco.”

It’s huge.

Depending on the time of year…

there are 3,000-6,000 people…

that come and go on any given weekend.

It’s a sprawling expanse…

of “building…

parking lot…

and lawn”…

that takes up…

a gigantic corner in town.

“Auditions” then…

mean that everyone desiring…

to play in any of the bands…

or for any of the events needing musicians…

“show up” on the given day…

in the given month…

to “strut their stuff.”

This particular day…

happened to fall…

on what I recollect as…

“one of the most sweltering”…

days in August.

I grudgingly trudged to my vehicle…

Son #3 happily in tow…

for the fifteen minute drive.

Upon arriving…

we were informed…

that the auditions were upstairs.

This experience was going to continue to be swell. (tering)

In order to conserve electricity…

only the rooms…

being occupied by church staff…

are air-conditioned.

The upstairs room we were ushered into…

was not one of them!

Do I need to remind you that heat rises?

I didn’t think so.

In spite of the heat…

the process was quite professional.

There was a microphone up front…

and each candidate…

was called forward…

when their time slot was “up.”

Son #3 is extremely musically inclined.

Hero Hubby…

growing up in The Salvation Army….

has had a standing rule in our home.

Two years of piano…

and theory…

and then afterward…

you may decide to pursue…

whatever instrument you’d like.

At the time of this audition…

Son #3 was deep in the throes…

of strumming the mandolin.

We won’t go into the two years of piano…

but suffice it to say…

that they were nearly the death…

of not only him…

but the three teachers…

that had him over this time span!

Sadly…

the teachers were also all in the same family!

And we like to think that they are our friends.

While they are not Roman Catholic…

it is my personal belief…

that they will…

at some point in their lives…

be receiving…

a special dispensation for sainthood…

for surviving the experience.

“Fate” would have it…

that one of said “sainthood candidates”…

was on staff at the church…

during the time of “this incident.”

She happened to “be passing through the room”…

right as Son #3…

was called to the stage.

She and I were now seated together…

at a table near the back…

as he walked (with extreme confidence)

towards “the goal.”

As he got up to go…

I noticed that the mandolin…

was strangely absent.

Me: “Psst…where is your mandolin?!”

Son #3: “I didn’t bring it.  I’m not playing the mandolin.”

(nearly) Saintly Teacher: ” Oh nooooo.”  (with that futile whistling tone)

It was then that we both spotted the drumsticks…

standing up in his back pocket!

I think that at this moment…

the beliefs of reincarnation…

and out-of-body-experiences…

endorsed by Shirley MacClaine…

flashed through my mind with accelerated speed.

“Did this son PLAY the drums?!”

“Was I gone for long periods of time with no recollection?!”

“Was he moonlighting somewhere while we were all sleeping?!”

At this particular juncture of time…

I did what any mature…

confident…

capable mother and mentor would do.

I ducked under the table…

to call Hero Hubby!

Son #3 was now in the drum cage.

There was no turning back.

The moderator of the auditions…

was giving instructions…

that were talking about beats…

and time signatures…

how the drummer would cue the rest of the team…

and now, quite frankly….

my profuse sweating had absolutely no correlation…

to the temperature in the room!

Hero Hubby was  ZERO HELP.

Zip.

Nada.

Zilch.

“I think it’s phenomenal that he’s giving it a try.  More power to him!”

No one but me…

(and it is, quite frankly all about me)…

seemed to be concerned with the fact…

that we hadn’t really ever seen him play the drums!

There was no doubt about it…

(nearly) Saintly Teacher got it.

ST: “You haven’t really heard him play, have you?”

Me: (still under the table) “NO!”

ST: “Well, listen up!  Because you’re hearing him now…

and he’s really good!”

To be continued on Wednesday…

when…

both stunned and floored…

I come back up from under the table…

to the land of the living…

to learn more life lessons as the mentor…

and recognize thriving musicianship!