May 7th, 2010
It was a dark and stormy night when I met Katherine McCauley. Okay, it was dark…but I so love the way that Snoopy starts every one of his novels that I couldn’t resist capitalizing on the opportunity!
She and I were backstage in a huge convention center, preparing to receive tremendously public recognition for a leadership level we both achieved in our direct sales company. Admittedly, it was a bit daunting…in that there were 10,000 of our “closest friends” beyond the stage…and while we waited for our names to be called..we could hear them all screaming with excitement.
I felt something bumping against my back, and upon turning around, came face to face with a pasty white Katherine, who, by this time, had tears streaming down her face. I had never recalled seeing her before. I’m West Coast, she’s East. Her knees were locked, and she was “fixin’ to faint!”
Me: “Hey, what are you doing?!:
Katherine: (in a faint whisper) “I simply can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. I’m terrified.”
Me: (grabbing her by the shoulders) “Okay, listen…you’ve worked for years to earn this privilege. You can do this and you will.”
Katherine: “No, really, I just want to go home. Do you hear that crowd?”
Me:”Yes. And it’s full of individuals…mostly moms…that you have led. They are waiting to celebrate with you. We’re going out there. I’ll go first.” ( H is before M…there was really nothing heroic about the offer…)
Katherine: “What if I can’t?”
Me: “Don’t make me come back here and get you after I’ve been recognized…because I will.” ahh…the “warm, fuzzy approach” that I so often use!
Today, as she shares one of the most personal pieces of her heart with you, please know one thing…
I’d go back for her with no hesitation…
in whatever life situation we happen to share!
That night she “bumped” in to me…
was the beginning of a wonderful friendship that spans two coasts…
but in which two hearts are very close… despite the miles.
I love you to pieces woman!
And with that…
ladies and gentlemen…
meet Katherine McCauley!
Well, I guess some things never change, because I’m nervous today as well!
I don’t want to babble on and on and sound stupid.
I came to TommyMom when I saw on Teri’s Facebook page that she had a blog.
My initial reaction was that since I didn’t home educate…
it wasn’t for me.
I was wrong!
The things I love about Teri were really evident.
Humor…
and a good dose of it after something bitingly honest…
the invitation to be loved and accepted unconditionally while being yourself…
I signed up and I’m really enjoying the ride!
I love to think and to learn new things.
In fact, we moved our son, Will, from a “regular” private school last year
to this Jesuit high school.
The academics are very leadership based…
and he is having to think and evaluate more than ever.
We love that!
It’s challenging us to a more rigorous learning curve as well.
I think that in this way, TommyMom is for anyone.
It encourages you to think outside of the box while having fun.
I was born in Texas, but moved when I was only a few months old to Alabama.
My folks have lived in the same house in Birmingham since I was a kid.
Growing up, I just knew that I would have four children…
three boys and a girl.
My husband and I married a lot later than most of our friends…
I was 28 and he was 30.
A year into our marriage, I began having a lot of physical issues…
that pertained to my reproductive system.
We initially joked about it, saying that my warranty was up…
and I had surgery.
When I finally became pregnant, I was elated!
Being the personality that I am…
I took this news full cycle!
I had kids, could see the school years and graduation laid out before me…
college, marriage and grandkids!
And then I miscarried.
Bill and I had built a huge home in rural New York on 6 acres.
We just knew that we were going to have a house full of kids…
entertain both them and their parents…
hosting many a social event.
I became pregnant again.
Another miscarriage.
And again.
The feelings of pain, isolation, and failure on my part…
were beyond devastating.
I became jaded, in that I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
I quit telling people that I was pregnant…
because I feared failing yet again.
The fourth time I became pregnant…
I braced myself.
When I went to the doctor, and he checked my hormone levels…
I was 1/10th of a point above what it takes to maintain a pregnancy in the first trimester!
Our son Will was born May 13, 1995.
When he was 2, I miraculously became pregnant again.
I was hosting an event in my home for my direct sales business…
and thankfully, my primary care giver was present.
I didn’t feel well, and she asked me to go in and get checked.
By the time I got to the office, they had taken their last ultrasound patient for the day.
Mercifully, I was sent to the local hospital, where they discovered an ectopic pregnancy.
While the surgeon was finishing a break…
and I was on a gurney in the hallway awaiting surgery…
I hemorrhaged.
Looking back…
I thought I was taking a nap, when in reality…
I lost 2 liters of blood and had gone unconscious.
I was fortunate to be alive.
They informed me that there was a 1 in 1,000,000 chance…
that I could ever maintain a pregnancy again.
This news was so devastating and crushing that I had to seriously take stock of my life.
I had to give up my plan…
and trust that God didn’t need me to dictate how things should be done.
I needed to rest in His plan…
and find contentment for what my life’s purpose was supposed to be!
People often assume so many things about a single child family.
They think that somehow, your life is so much easier than the lives of others.
I remember when Will was about 15 months old…
and he was struggling with anxiety separation in a setting that he was quite familiar with.
A father came by and saw our struggle and stated to me…
“I don’t know why you don’t just “go”and stop this emotional nonsense.
You’re not a real parent until you have multiple children anyway.”
I still marvel at the insensitivity and judgment that so many well meaning people wield!
Yet, for me, those were fighting words!
I came to realize that I could choose to be bitter and play the part of a victim…
or I could use my gifts, talents and potential to do great things.
People have asked why we didn’t adopt.
There were strict age limitations on adoption in New York at the time…
and we honestly weren’t ever on the same page…
where this option was concerned.
Instead, I set about to offer my life and my family to serve others.
I built a very large direct sales business…
in spite of the fact that people said it was easier for me because “I only had one child.”
I learned to ignore that statement pretty early on and love them anyway.
I want to know who said it, but she wasn’t specific…
I desired to slap them…in love of course…
because I built that same size business and am here to tell you…
that that idiot misinformed individual needed a reality check!
We were always challenged in a healthy way to provide our son with social interaction.
We wanted him to be around all ages…
all profiles…
of people.
This was challenging!
We orchestrated play dates and social events…
that aligned with our goal for him to be well rounded.
He began to swim at age 5…
and very competitively by 8.
I became a certified U.S.A. swimming official.
This way…
I could be on deck…
and have the opportunity to travel to all of the meets…
both to hug and encourage not only my own son…
but other kids as well!
I spent years designing and creating elaborate sets like this one…
for our community summer vacation bible school.
This took a huge investment of time and personal resources…
and Will would be right there with me…
interacting with others…
while helping to build, create and finish!
We have hosted many, many Chinese students through an international exchange program.
My husband has traveled to China on business a few times…
and we have developed a love and connection with these people.
It has been such a blessing to watch them experience so many things in our Western culture…
for the very first time.
Currently, I am working on a project very near and dear to my heart.
I have vacationed since the age of 15 months on the northwest Florida panhandle.
I am heartbroken to think about the devastation of the oil spill…
and that it is headed this way.
Teri said that I could share the following address with you…
(at the time of this writing, we’re still getting that for you and will post on Monday…)
in the hopes that many of you would choose to help.
If you have panty hose that you could send..
or know of individuals that do…
they are being used, along with human and pet hair from barbers, salons, and animal groomers…
to make buoys!
Hair soaks up oil…
and if we all do something...
we may very well divert the spill and its potential to damage.
hello….GREAT community service project that benefits our nation! Collect pantyhose and hair and send them!
how simple is THAT?!?!?
They are also accepting Home Depot cards for any amount to purchase the PVC.
I wanted to go and help…
but there are restrictions as to the procedures and volunteer profiles.
This is something we could all be involved in.
My husband Bill and I also made a point of reaching out to our neighbors…
by hosting a community barbeque years ago.
I bake things for neighbors in need…
and check in with them regularly.
We were shocked to find out…
that until we spear headed this effort years ago…
our neighbors, who also live on acreage…
didn’t even know one another!
There is so much to be said for the diminishing art of genuinely caring for your fellow man.
I’m sharing my meatloaf recipe here.
It’s great for a “quick” help when someone is in need.
( ahhh…you can take the girl out of the South, but you’ll never take the South out of the girl!…She did give me a wonderful idea!…there is a new tab on the main page entitled “Let’s Eat!” Forever more… when you are spotlighted on TommyMom, if you feel so inclined to share one of your recipes with all of us…we will all cherish this act of benevolence…and think of you when we eat!)
In closing, I would like everyone to please consider this.
We are a nation full of quips and trite sayings.
When someone is hurting or in need…
if you can’t think of anything to say…
it really is okay to just hug them…
and say, “I’m sorry.”
No one is expected to be a fount of wisdom.
Especially when people lose a child…
at any stage.
I came to realize that what I wanted and needed most during my own pain…
was a hug…
and comfort that was spiritually good.
I found a booklet that I have purchased by the hundreds…
to give to those that I meet along the way that have been in my position.
Perhaps it would be helpful to someone here.
It’s entitled, “I’ll Hold You In Heaven” by Jack Hayford.
I think that that’s about it.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!
Did I do okay, Teri?
you are kidding me, right?! I’ve half cried my way through this!
Thank you for being willing to share!…even the Meatloaf! XO
p.s. And might I just add..I knew we were destined to be friends when I saw one of her favorite quotes…
“You’d better dip those words in chocolate, baby, because one day you might have to eat ‘em!” ~her Daddy
This certainly hits uncomfortably close to home…for some of us!
Dambisa Moyo colloquia begins Monday on Facebook! Keep reading! You’re not behind…just jump in where you are!
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