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Change

October 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment

On Friday, September 16, 2011, my family experienced devastating change.  I received a phone call that my brother and only sibling had passed away.  He was 5 days shy of his 46th birthday. I hesitated to state this in a public forum this large, not because of pride; but rather because things tend to immediately become awkward. Tense. No one knows what to say or do. It is my sincere hope that you will move past that and read on.  I know that you are deeply sorry, just as I would be for you, upon hearing of such sudden change in your mostly normal life.

The looming question, is what are we going to do with it?

Today, I am honored to be a guest post on Hip Homeschool Moms.  Click on the HHM title link to finish this article.
TeriSig

 

Filed Under: Leadership Education, My Brother Tim, Real Life

Dos and Don’ts for your Freshman Year of College

October 28, 2011 By 2 Comments

Today, we are going to have Driver’s Ed!  Many of you know that my brother, Tim, contributed regularly here on TommyMom.  He passed away very suddenly on September 16th.  Yes, I am heartbroken; but I am also grateful for over 100 articles that have been found that he had written.  In September, I had the privilege of watching more than one punk that I dearly love go off to college.  In honor of those individuals, I am publishing today’s article.  Remember when I shared about the fact that since Tim is gone, there would be work in finding nuggets?  They’re here.  Whether you’re a college freshman or a seasoned adult, wisdom is wisdom.  And it’s always refreshing to be reminded.  Thanks for speaking the truth, Tim.  I love and miss you, along with so many others who were privileged to know you.
TeriSig

Congratulations on starting your college career! As new freshman, you are most likely excited and nervous, just as you were when you entered high school for the first time, and just as you will be when you enter into your chosen field after graduating college. Looking back, I’m sure there are many little “tips and tricks” that you wished you had known ahead of time that would have made your high school experience go more smoothly. Those same tips and tricks are true for college life as well. Here are just a few.

Here are some things to definitely DO:

1. Get to know upperclassmen- They “know the ropes” about which professors to take, the best paths through campus, and even the best social activities to attend. Keep in mind that you want to ask advice from those who are successful and not those who are struggling to make it. Find a subtle way of asking how they are doing in their studies etc. to make sure you have chosen your information resources well.

2 . Know how far behind you are- It is unrealistic to say “don’t fall behind” because it is inevitable. The key is to know just how much work you have to finish in a particular time window. This will help you avoid having to read all of War and Peace in one night, with a 15 page paper assigned to accompany it. Budgeting your time is a skill that will take you far beyond college, but your freshman year is a GREAT time to master the skill. Learn from your mistakes and minimize the academic damage that comes from putting work off.

3. Take at least a couple of “exploration” courses- Even if you have your career path all mapped out, and know exactly what you want to major in, take at least a few courses just to broaden your knowledge base. Breaking the monotony of the “required” courses helps to rejuvenate your mind, and some even find a passion for a field of study they never knew existed. If you are UNsure of what you wish to do after college then DEFINITELY this advice will not steer you wrong.

Here are some things to AVOID:

1. DON’T assume that your study habits from high school will get you through.- If you were a “straight ‘A’ student” in high school, it might be possible that you have good habits. The college courses however, involve more intensive study over shorter periods of time. This can be an adjustment even for the best of students. If you were someone who was unorganized, unmotivated, and relied on your memory or last minute cramming to get you through, you may have quite an adjustment to make. It is not impossible, but the sooner you realize that some old habits need to be adjusted, the more successful you’ll be.

2. DON’T be afraid to get involved:  Clubs, Fraternities/Sororities, student government, athletics, or any other opportunity that presents itself is a great way to not only get acclimated but also to connect with others who are either in the same boat you are, or have experience that could be most helpful. In addition, you know what they say about “all work and no play”. So get involved and be more than just a number that goes through your freshman year.

3. DON’T let alcohol destroy your education: Chemical abuse runs rampant. By the time you should say “when”, you are mentally unable to do so. You must know ahead of time where the line is between having some harmless college fun, and jeopardizing your enrollment. If you find yourself worrying more about where the next party is, than when the next exam is, you’ve crossed the line. Don’t ruin a 40 year work career in order to have a 4 year party career.

College freshman can have a great experience if they have balance between fun and study, involvement and commitment to excellence, and exploration and goal definition. These elements will take them well through college and into their adulthood successfully.

Best,

Tim

Filed Under: Driver's Ed., Leadership Education, My Brother Tim, Real Life

Does an American Have the Right to Choose?

October 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

In a day and age, where we click, read a few words, and move on to “the next best thing”, I am asking for a favor. 

If you are an American that is grateful for the freedoms that we have been afforded since the founding of our great nation, then please  read this article in its entirety, and consider passing it on.  It affects all of us.  We owe it to those who have gone before us, as well as future generations to engage.

Freedom is totally and completely dependent upon an informed citizenry.
TeriSig

 

Filed Under: Georgics, Leadership Education, Real Life

Autumn Offering

October 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I shall be Autumn
this Halloween,
with leaf draped skirt,
and folds of
boysenberry velvet wine
flowing to the ground.


Brown stained face,
eyes rimmed in gold,
nails dripping sunset,
a crown of twigs
to cover my head.

 


You may gather from me
the spring of my youth,
my summer of maturity,
and hold onto with me,
the solace of these days
of remembering
before the frost.


©2008, Judith A. Lawrence

Filed Under: "It's All In a Day...", Real Life

A Profound Silence

October 10, 2011 By 6 Comments

We went to the beach yesterday.

There is honestly something extremely comforting about watching the waves form, swell, crash…

and dissipate into frothy foam that oozes out onto the sand, and then pulls back…

to start the process all over again.

We are a family that is seriously spent.

It has been three weeks since my brother’s passing.

There are times that it seems like yesterday…

and others where eternity appears to have taken over.

Here is what I know.

That both grief and pain have their own ominous silence and space…

in this journey of life…

and the eventual sounds they make and lessons they teach…

cannot be ignored.

Much like the waves…

they swell…

(albeit in their case, unexpectedly)…

they seem to pound…

beat…

ebb…

and dissipate.

And like the predictable nature of ocean tides…

they are inevitable in this life.

How we process…

respond to…

and deal with them…

will either cause our spirits to erode…

producing clusters of bitterness and pain…

that are as sharp and impenetrable as barnacles…

or produce a shift that harnesses…

the potential for even greater strength, power…

and effectiveness.

I’m still sometimes in silence…

embracing sounds…

and feel pounded and beaten often.

But nestled inside of the turmoil is hope.

Even now…

as profound and raw as the loss of my brother is…

I am looking forward to sharing him on an even deeper level with all of you.

I’m confident that were he still living…

there wouldn’t be the need or the ability to do so.

Even in his profound physical silence, he still has so very much to offer and to teach.

It will be my honor and privilege to have you join me in this new journey.

I’m anxious to share more.
TeriSig

 

 

Filed Under: "It's All In a Day...", Leadership Education, My Brother Tim, Real Life

Family: There’s Simply Nothing Like It!, 2

August 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment

When I started TommyMom, I had no idea the direction it would ultimately take and how it would evolve.

Some days, I still wonder if I’m any more enlightened…and that’s okay. It really is.

I am not out to be the expert on anything…other than my own family…and what I offer you, is always done so…with the hope and intent that from my crazy life and world, you will perhaps glean something that will be of inspiration, use, and assistance on your own path and journey.

That being said…today’s offering is made up of some insights I’ve learned along the way…in parenting my 5 boys, while living life.  It is by no means comprehensive…Lordy sakes, no!…nor is it an end-all.  These things are shared in the hopes that I remain real, vulnerable, and helpful.

As you read this…I am in Cedar City, Utah…with Sons #2-#5.  Yes, I did just return from a family wedding Sunday evening…more on that Friday…and yes I’m tired.  However, Cedar City hosts a fabulous Shakespearean Festival…and Sons #2-#3 desired to attend.  Son #2 is passionate about him.  There is a time frame of opportunity.  Enough said.

I remember one particular seminar I had the privilege of attending with Dr. Oliver DeMille.  As he was laying out some tenets of Leadership Education, a woman in the audience..who apparently became rather shell-shocked as to the level of commitment…raised her hand and exclaimed,”Excuse me, but this methodology does not appear to be at all convenient!” Dr. DeMille chuckled and replied, ” Ya think?!”  Which brings me to…

1.  Any relationship worth cultivating, will not be built primarily on convenience.

Parenting has many “looks and styles” in today’s Dad/Mom market.  Decide what you want, and how you want it.  Unlike my blog…Hero Hubby and I didn’t wait for a style or methodology to “just evolve.” It’s easy to get into a mode of coasting along, and it pays to check in with one’s self regularly in regards to objectives, goals, and methodologies being used. It keeps things running well, in spite of what is going on in life.

At each phase of development, there are things to celebrate and things to work through.  It’s a fact.  Choose to develop, celebrate and work. There won’t be a magical time…when the people in your charge and care…choose to wake up…and confide in you and choose your company.  In fact…children emulate and model what they see.  We all give our lives for something.  Make it count.

2.  Be intentionally vulnerable.

There is nothing admirable about portraying an image that you are invincible. You’re not.  Get over it.

Because the sooner you do, the deeper your relationships will go. Sometimes, you just have to trust this process.

When my brother-in-law died…life stunk.  It stunk for quite awhile.  In fact, surrounding every milestone…every major accomplishment…every deeper life commitment…there are tears.  We cry for what could have been and isn’t. Yet in the midst of that…there is gratitude as well…for what has been defined and refined through tragedy.

My sister-in-law Nancy…is an inspiration and incredible resource for choosing a life of joy rather than bitterness.  I reference her frequently and love for my kids to spend time with her.  Part of choosing vulnerability, is knowing when you should outsource certain skill sets and examples…because someone else has been called to live them in ways that you possibly have not.  Be grateful for this, look for the strengths in people around you, and utilize and leverage them.  It maximizes your daily efforts and gives credibility and insight into what you’re building every day that will stand as your legacy.

3.  You can’t ever go wrong…investing in people.

Yes, it will be inconvenient in comparison to pursuing your own interests.  It is worth it.  Press on.

People are complex creatures.  It will be messy.  It is worth it. Press on.

Relationships that are deep and genuine trump performance and accomplishment in the final analysis.

In the final analysis…I want my sons to know…that people are always a great place to expend time and resources…for they are what really matters in this life and for eternity.

It takes time to cultivate…mold…and shape.

Relationships…like Rome…aren’t built in a day.

As Americans…we want a “quick everything.”

Legacy and quick aren’t well acquainted with one another.

Purpose or re-purpose…

to invest in…

build…

and pursue…

what can’t readily be seen…

today.

Because within families…

as the fruit begins…

to become apparent…

and legacy unfolds…

there’s simply nothing like it!

Friday…

I’ll be sharing some of ours.

Filed Under: Leadership Education, Love to Learn, Real Life, Uncategorized

Bronte’s Smokin’!: A Follow Up

August 17, 2011 By 4 Comments

1.  Great mentors believe in freedom- in the world and in one’s personal education.

2.  Great mentors believe in individualizing the process and content of each student’s learning.

3.  Great mentors believe that each student has a unique and vital mission in life.

4.  Great mentors believe that students learn more and better when they are inspired and intrinsically motivated than when they are compelled by requirements. – From The Student Whisperer’s Creed, “The Student Whisperer”, DeMille and Earl

I have received…

some lovely, affirming communication…

from TommyMom readers of late.

TommyMom readers…

are incredible people.

I don’t state that often enough.

The timing of this…

could not be more appropriate.

Nearly every piece of correspondence…

has thanked me for being real.

I must admit…

that the affirmation of reality…

is a huge indicator…

on my compass.

I am really leary…

of portrayals…

of near-perfect/perfect…

family life.

You know…

where the children…

are in perfect sync…

while mom is…

baking whole grain bread…

from wheat she ground fresh…

that morning?

Um…

we’re not that family.

Let it be clearly stated…

yet again…

that there’s plenty of reality…

over here…

and at times…

it’s rather biting.

Why yes…

this was the preface…

to an update…

about the progress…

that Son #3…


has made in Jane Eyre!

Why do you ask?

I broached said subject…

while driving with him…

last week.

Me: “So…how’s Jane Eyre coming along?”

Out of the corner of my eye…

I witnessed the distinct change of countenance.

#3: in a tone resembling nails on a chalkboard…

“She’s left the home/orphanage/school.”

His voice fell flat.  I knew he was gearing up.

“Might I be brutally candid here?”

And before I could respond…

“There are many things wrong so far…

and I’m not that far.”

Referring of course…

to his location within the book.

“Seriously. There is something…

very very wrong…

with you people…

for liking this book…

and something even far more serious…

about recommending it to others!

What’s up with the friend…

that dies in the bed next to her?!”

A reference to “you people”….

tends to be a common default…

I’ve noticed…

when he is passionate about a topic.

Or… disgusted.

Me: “Are you kidding me?

I was deeply moved.

Can you imagine?

Historians believe…

that this book…

could very well be…

an account…

of her personal life!”

He’s throwing me no bones.

His countenance is placid.

#3: “You could need help…

and possibly not know it.”

Me: “Are you sticking with it?”

#3: “Yes! I’m making progress…

while looking for the point.

Do not panic, Madre!”

Fast forward to today…

and its finding.

Allow me to give you a better view.

Jane Eyre…

is indeed there…

under the latest…

um “classic.”

She’s coverless.

I didn’t even have to ask.

#3: “I took the liberty…

of removing the cover…

on Jane Eyre because…

that chick on the front…

gave me the creeps.

Besides…

she looks absolutely nothing…

like the Jane Eyre I’m envisioning.”

Me: doing the best I can to remain emotionless…

“Exactly where is the Jane that you’re envisioning?

Please, please tell me…

she’s beyond the home/orphanage/school.”

#3: “She is.

In fact, she’s making her way…

towards the home of Mr. Rochester.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

And might I add…

she’s taking her own sweet time?

She manages to do this quite well.

I hope this is going to pick up.”

Me: “Are you honestly reading…

this book about cigars?”

#3: “Absolutely.

while this may very well be interpreted…

as a shallow, insecure act…

I would very much like to clarify here…

that no one in our family smokes.

We never have.

Thank you for listening…

and understanding.

#3: “In fact…

here are some things I’ve learned so far:

1. Cigarettes have gun powder and/or chemicals…

that help them stay lit.

A cigar will go out…

if you do not provide the air to keep it going.

2. Even though there are more online purchase options…

you are better off to shop with a tobacconist in person…

because there, you can properly screen your cigars.

3.  The tobacco beetle can live in cigars…

so if you see trails or holes, the tobacco beetle is present.”

It is my sincere hope…

that armed with this incredibly pertinent information…

both you and I will sleep better tonight.

Me: “Is this information relevant?”

with zero hesitation…

Son #3: “I’ll have you know…

that pivotal people in the history of the world…

utilized finer tobaccos.

Winston Churchill, a famous cigar smoker…

Son #5 innocently interrupts:

“Don’t you need to make your mouth…

into an “O” so that you can make rings?”

#3 continues:

“C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien…

both preferred pipes.

There is a lot of information here.

May I go now?”

Me, as he is leaving…

“What happened to the Bad Ass book?

#3: exuberantly…

“Oh, I’m still reading that too!

And when I’m finished…

and put all 3 of these together…

you and I are going to have…

the most incredible colloquium…

you’ve ever experienced!”

Help me, Jesus.

The picture above…

was taken in Santa Monica last summer…

where he met…

this flavorful individual on the beach.

He was enamored.

I had visions of him living…

in a retro VW bus…

while earning a living…

in a similar fashion…

singing…

while encouraging people…

to revisit the art of hoola-hooping.


Last week…

we attended a Leadership Summit together.

It was simply incredible.

Son #3 loved it…

took interesting notes…

while also doodling non-stop.

“Mom”, he said at the end…

“I absolutely love Seth Godin.

I so relate to him!”

Whew!

Slowly at times…

but surely…

we’re making progress.

It really is…

far less beneficial…

to shout…

rather than whisper.
TeriSig





 


Filed Under: Leadership Education, Real Life

Servant Leadership Equals Powerful Leadership

May 2, 2011 By 2 Comments

When you decide…

to yack blog…

you are faced with dilemmas.

We are all aware…

of current events.

Rehashing them…

is often not only redundant…

but a real downer…

for all involved!

That said…

I simply cannot…

go about…

in a “blog fog”…

failing to acknowledge this.

It represents seven states…

within our union…

that were mercilessly beaten…

bruised…

and battered…

by relentless…

angry…

devastating storms.

And the aftermath?

It’s daunting at best.

As is the thought process…

that questions…

how we can…

truly make a difference.

“Private charities, as well as contributions to public purposes in proportion to every one’s circumstances, are certainly among the duties we owe to society.” ~ Thomas Jefferson To Charles Christian March 21, 1812

I believe this.

Yet…

to add to the challenge…

we are currently…

a society…

that is media driven…

and image assaulted.

It can certainly produce…

calloused people…

that look…

see to an extent…

and move on…

to the next thing…

until or unless…

it directly affects us.

What I desire…

to mentor…

exhibit…

and influence…

most heavily…

in my commitment…

to Leadership Education…

is what I believe…

to be the most…

powerful and effective…

model of all.

That of being a servant.

Stating that…

produces a gamut…

of feelings and thoughts…

does it not?

Servants…

tend to be seen…

as weak…

confined…

bound to duty.

It’s definitely…

an upside down…

economy…

in many ways.

But I firmly believe…

that the opportunities…

for the greatest influence…

and power…

indeed lie…

in servitude.

It’s a concept…

that must be modeled…

and is most effective…

when it begins with you.

No one’s children…

wake up one day…

with an epiphany…

coupled with desire…

to serve for the heck of it.

It is a quality…

best “caught”…

not “taught”…

that involves…

lots of precept…

upon precept…

and line upon line.

Faithful…

consistent…

often small…

and seemingly unnoticed…

gestures and acts…



are where charitable movements…

causes…

and accomplishments…

are initially forged.

There isn’t a curriculum…

worksheet…

or multiple choice test…

that can be added…

as a pass/fail…

to a portfolio.

Opportunities…

to practice Servant Leadership…


are woven into…

the fabric of daily life…


crisis situations…

and do or die moments.

These are accompanied…

by blood…

sweat…

tears…

and personal sacrifice.

All of which draw…

upon what has become…

a part of an individual…

with practice…

patience…

and time.

Begin now.

Determine what…

regardless of how seemingly small…

or insignificant…

you can do…

to feed…

clothe…

and bring

physical…

spiritual…

and emotional…

healing to others.

And then…

for the sake…

of mankind…

and all…

that is decent…

pure…

beautiful…

and holy…

begin to practice it!

It will change the world!
TeriSig

My apologies for the blurry nature of the photos of my youngest nephew, giving his buddy “Leo” a lunch and playing the guitar with “Jeff.”  Leo and Jeff are a part of a homeless community.  My nephew loves to visit with them.

I have also been asked more than once, how I personally broach the subject of current events with my younger children without an intensity that frightens, depresses, and produces anxiety.  This is an excellent question.  On Wednesday, I will share with you what I am doing with Sons #4 and #5 where the tornadoes are concerned.  I am only an expert on my family. ( And some days, even this expertise can be “iffy!”)  All I can do is invite you to share in our personal experience, with the hope that it will benefit and help you and your family in some way. ~ XO ;0)


Filed Under: Leadership Education, Real Life

You’d Better Shape Up!, part 2

April 20, 2011 By 1 Comment

Monday’s post…

was all about…

our family’s…

newly found…

torture. Bikram Yoga practice.

So far…

still so good.

But not without…

pain…

sacrifice…

and observations.

Here they are.

Not in any particular order.

Just a reminder…

Bikram Yoga…

is executed…

in a room…

that is 105 degrees…

with 40 percent humidity.

Please keep that in mind.

I can testify…

to the fact…

that I certainly do!

At.All.Times.

1. Any time change is executed…the heat gets turned up.

While I am aware that the main focus of this blog are the experiences of Leadership Education within my own family and those attempting to execute it within their daily lives: I hope you will apply #1 to anything you are currently changing or taking on as a new venture.

None of us enjoy change. We don’t yell “PICK ME!” when it happens to come along.  I believe in part, this is due to the fact that with change comes an increase in temperature…regardless of what that change is!  It’s not comfortable to step out of the norm of one’s “own zone!”

2.  While this change most likely won’t include the masses, there will be those also on the journey, who will keep you company!

The room in which we execute our yoga moves at the studio, will hold roughly 25 people at once.  This isn’t a huge number, but at the same time, this isn’t for everyone. Whether referring to Leadership Education, or perhaps some other “out of the box” practice or way of thinking, far less angst will be experienced the sooner one realizes that it’s easier and far less painful to be grateful for the camaraderie that you have, rather than seek approval from the masses.  That approval rarely, if ever, exists.

It is equally beneficial to note that within the same community of people, there are diverse levels of accomplishment.  Wisdom chooses to observe and learn rather than compare and lament.  The latter two generally start the spiral of doubt and defeat.  Everyone is working regardless of their level of expertise, to execute better, understand more, and gain greater strength.

3.  It’s going to cost you something to be different, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

Most everything that is met with determination and resolve can be accomplished.  If you think about it, all accomplishments cost something in the process of achievement. It is also interesting to note, that once you’ve paid the price for what you’ve accomplished;  you will likely become “lucky” in the eyes of many that didn’t pay that same price themselves!

4.  Heat, along with change, produces a lot of desirable things!

I can’t believe the difference that 6 days can make!  Interestingly, in this particular case, the heat produces greater flexibility, helps the body to release harmful toxins, and strengthens stamina.  Pretty much like every day life.  Wouldn’t you agree?

In conclusion…

Whatever you’ve decided to pursue, change, or practice comes with heat, sweat, increased flexibility and growth.

There will also, quite possibly be new friends, greater lessons, and even greater endurance and strength in the end.

Not everyone is going to value your priorities, choices, and practices.  This doesn’t mean that those things are necessarily wrong.

They may just be different.

If you and your family are flourishing and the fruits of your efforts benefit your family, then don’t doubt!

Stretch, bend, and breathe!

You really will reap precious rewards, strengthened relationships and a resolve that is pure if you will endure!

And an additional “sweet spot” will be the community…with all of its varying skill levels and diversity that encourages, mentors,  and celebrates with you, in addition to challenging along the way.
TeriSig

It is my hope that this post strengthens and encourages you before a weekend of celebration for Easter and Passover, in which Great Aunt Mabel, in the course of requesting that you pass a dish her way, begins to ask “those annoying, trying, and downright rude” educational questions!



Filed Under: "It's All In a Day...", Leadership Education, Love to Learn, Real Life

Hindsight: In Need of Lasik Surgery

April 1, 2011 By 11 Comments

I think it is particularly fitting, on the day of the big “Student Whisperer” giveaway, to feature a post, penned by a “Student Whisperer.” Tim Driver has impacted thousands of lives during his teaching and mentoring career.  Part of what makes him such an effective Whisperer is the transparency that he exhibits both with those he mentors in the classroom and through the written word. His honesty is so appreciated.  I hope you enjoy and benefit from this as much as I did.
TeriSig



When one has a lot of experience at something…

sometimes the tendency can be to predict how things “should” happen…

and then to try and make them a reality.

When things don’t go as planned…

it can lead to frustration and resentment…

because the rest of the universe is unaware of the plan…

and therefore circumstances and powerful forces are uncooperative.

Such was my plight with Nathan and Austin.

A quick profile:

Nathan- Mostly A’s and B’s…

a year ahead of the “standard track” in math…

and very articulate in speech and written communication as well.
Austin-  Mostly…okay…

ALL F’s… a year ahead of most 3rd grade math tracks…

and…

well dude…

like not very…good at talking…

and stuff like that.

For some unknown reason…

both ended up in my at-risk program.

Nathan didn’t belong there.

He could be a little squirrely at times…

but what 9th grade boy isn’t?

Nathan had a knack for helping Austin with his work…

explaining it in ways that only Austin would understand.

It was admirable.

After the better part of 2 years with us…

it was time for both to move on to high school.

The good news was that our program…

was on the campus of the high school…

they were going to attend…

so I could track their progress.

Much to my shock…

Austin must’ve accidentally…

gotten into a batch of mental steroids…

because he actually earned…

enough credits to graduate…

on time.

To my further jaw dropping dismay…

Nathan quit just one semester short of graduating…

lacking only minimal work…

which for him should have been so easy to accomplish.

I was so proud of Austin!

His giant hug for me…

after walking across the platform…

was a paycheck that supported me…

for years to come.

In fact…

I’m still living off of it a bit.

I was internally angry at Nathan, however.

If I had been honest with myself…

I was angry that he hadn’t accomplished…

“something that even Austin could do.”

Shame on me.

I also had a bit…

of the classic teacher guilt…

thinking maybe there was more…

I could have done.

He seemed like such…

a success “slam dunk”…

that perhaps I coasted a bit…

when I could have accelerated.

Almost a year…

after he should have graduated…

Nathan and I crossed paths.

He was my waiter…

at an Italian restaurant.

When he saw me…

he hung his head.

“Hi Mr. Driver…

I know what you’re going to say.”

“What might that be Nathan?”

“You’re disappointed in me for not graduating.

But I am going back to finish and I’ll be done in a few weeks.”

“Good for you, Nathan.”

( I outwardly lied )

He knew how I felt.

Just as I…

could read those kids…

like a book…

they had the equal book…

on me…

without a word needing to be said.

“I’m sorry I let you down.”

“No, Nathan…

I thought you let yourself down.

You are a very talented young man.

I want you to become someone great.”

“I promise you I will.”

I tipped him well…

since I thought…

he might be stuck…

in that job for awhile.


Now fast forward about 10 years.

There had been no headlines…

of a cure for cancer…

with Nathan’s name on them…

no missions to the moon…

not even a sign of him…

in the new teacher pool…

as he had been quite adept…

at helping Austin…

out of the muck of Moron-opolis.

Nothing.

Until…

I ran into Nathan again…

this time at 7-11.

I was praying to God…

that he was buying a slurpee…

and not servicing the machine…

as I approached him with caution.

I looked down…

and saw…

that he had…

two little kids with him.

“Nathan…

it is great to see you!”

“Mr. Driver…

I’d like to introduce you…

to my kids.”

Cuter kids…

they could not have been!

We chit-chatted…

and he told me about his career…

how he had finished his diploma…

gone on to college…

and  was now working…

as a project manager…

for a very high end company.

I started to feel my guilt lift…

as though Nathan…

had finally…

lived up to my expectations.

Clearly once and for all…

the universe was back…

under my jurisdiction.

That’s right about the time…

my world got rocked.

After Nathan left the store…

the person behind the counter…

asked me how I knew him.

I told him …

he was a former student…

and that I was very proud…

to see his success.

“I imagine…

you’re extremely proud of him…

for overcoming such a tragedy.”

“What tragedy?”

“Nathan’s wife…

was killed by a drunk driver…

and he has raised those kids…

by himself for the last 3 years…

doing an incredible job of it.

We held a fundraiser here…

for the family…

but he put the money…

into a fund for his kids…

since he is doing fine financially.

I have never heard him…

complain once…

about his circumstances.

He brings his kids…

in here all the time…

and I’m telling you…

he is an amazing dad.

He is…

very well respected…

in this entire community.”

Immediately…

I heard the ghost of Nathan past…

say to me…

“I promise you…

I will become someone great.”

Promise kept…

and expectations exceeded.

Here I thought in hindsight…

I had been right…

about Nathan all along…

since he had lived up to…

what society would call successful.

I was blind to the fact…

that he had always been a caregiver…

getting his caring residency…

with Austin…

which was preparing him…

for that huge challenge…

for which he was destined.

I was heartbroken…

that I couldn’t go hunt him down…

hug him…

and tell him how sorry I was…

for my blurred foresight and hindsight.

He had success in his soul…

and I had underestimated him.

I am hopeful…

we will cross paths again someday…

and I will let him know…

student to teacher…

the lessons I learned from him.

In the meantime…

never underestimate…

the kids you have…

under your charge and care.

Treat them with respect and optimism…

for one day…

the roles might be reversed…

and they will teach you…

some very valuable lessons.

Best,
Tim

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