I came across the following a couple of weeks ago.  While I am generally not this “snarky,” I must honestly admit, that many of the things addressed; I have not only thought over the years but have also verbalized!  I had to laugh.

If you home educate…please read.  If you don’t home educate…please read.

It helps to understand what other people are going through and “why they do what they do.”

On a personal note…I “hate” most uses of the word “hate”…

and when you’re a Helms, you are not permitted to tell anyone to “shut up.”

Whew!  Glad I got THAT off my chest!

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

by Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007

1 Please stop asking us if it’s legal. If it is — and it is — it’s insulting to imply that we’re criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we’ve got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don’t assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a “reality” show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You’re probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you’ve ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don’t look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they’re in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we’re doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we’re religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn’t have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don’t need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can’t teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there’s a reason I’m so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that you’re calling me an idiot. Don’t act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word “home” is right there in “homeschool,” we never leave the house. We’re the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it’s crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we’re into the “school” side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don’t have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, “But what about the Prom?” Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don’t get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I’m one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don’t ask my kid if she wouldn’t rather go to school unless you don’t mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn’t rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!” Even if you think it’s some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified. One of these days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you’re allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can’t, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as well as her parent. I don’t see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he’s homeschooled. It’s not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she’s homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won’t get because they don’t go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here’s a thought: If you can’t say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

Today, however, I have decided to go a bit of a different direction.

This past Thursday, I walked into the “T.V. room” at my parents…

to the sight of my father sitting before a news station…

with tears coursing freely down his cheeks.

Initially, I was horrified.

Upon inquiring of him as to whether or not he was okay…

he managed to emotionally choke out…

“Give me a few minutes to pull myself together…

and then I would love to tell you what I just saw.”

All of my attention was diverted to him…

as I waited patiently…

to hear what had caused this sudden flood of overwhelming emotion.

By now…

all of America is aware…

of the awful hostage situation…

that occurred this past week…

at The Discovery Channel building.

When the crazed individual entered that building…

security immediately issued a mandate…

for employees to lock their office doors.

Later…

they requested that all employees…

make their way quietly to the fire exit staircase…

which fed the parking structure…

so that they would be assured of exiting safely.

The reason my dad was crying so freely…

was because he had witnessed the interview of a woman…

that was employed by Discovery Channel…

and had…

just recently prior to this attack…

broken her leg.

She was in a cast.

Upon being instructed to open their office doors and exit…

she was met near her door by two young men.

She didn’t know either one of them.

With an understandable urgency…

they requested that she join them in the staircase.

She knew how narrow this staircase was…

and that it had switchback turns…

going down to the place…

where they were supposed to exit.

She also knew…

that although her life was in jeopardy…

she wouldn’t physically make it on her own.

She watched from her doorway…

as these same two young men…

headed down the hall towards their goal.

She said a few seconds later…

they both stopped…

turned around…

and came back.

They urged her to come.

She told them to leave her.

The one young man helped her…

get on to the other man’s back.

This young man…

carried her…

down numerous flights of stairs…

around switchback turns…

where the hall was so narrow…

that together…

they barely fit through.

He came to a point…

where he could go no further.

When the three of them stopped…

they came up with a plan…

where these same two young men…

positioned her arms over their shoulders…

and together…

they carried this woman to freedom.

No wonder my father cried!

It made me pause and reflect…

on a statement that I heard Oliver DeMille express…

while attending one of his seminars.

It went something like this:

“When looking back on times of crisis…

large or small…

the media tends to focus solely on the negative.

But I challenge you to find the heros.

The men and women…

who freely and willingly…

lay themselves down…

so that others will flourish and live.”

So today…

will you take a moment…

and reflect with me…

on these featured young men…

as well as others…

who have practiced…

labors of love on behalf of our freedoms?

How about this hero?…

Todd Beamer…

who circumvented even further disaster…

during 9/11?

Or these heroic individuals?…

You get the idea.

While these two images are from the same crisis…

what about wars…

and other times of stress in history…

when ordinary people…

accomplished extraordinary things?

Because they were independent thinkers.

They looked for the good in others.

They exercised faith.

They did what was right.

Don’t try to convince me that America…

is full of nothing but deadbeat…

selfish…

“capitalism-at-all-costs”…

“me and only me”…

individuals.

That is only propagandized…

over-blown…

exaggeration…

when I ponder…

both past and current events…

and reflect on Labor(s) of Love.

Happy Labor Day!

Tammie is now equipped with both really cute “To Do” and “What’s Cookin?” wipe off household boards courtesy of Christy Gandara at One Creative Bug. I apologize for the brain lapse where this giveaway was concerned, folks!  And thanks to everyone that commented! Your input helps to continue to reinforce and build the virtual Leadership Education Community here on TommyMom.

I was talking with a friend last week…

that has chosen public education…

for her children.

They are a remarkable family.

It’s one of those…

in which leadership is defined…

by being servant-based…

quiet…

but very strong.

She and I concluded…

that culture…

is honestly…

the key to success…

or failure…

in most everything.

Culture as defined in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary is…

“The application of labor or other means to improve good qualities in, or growth;

as the culture of the mind:

the culture of virtue…  Any labor or means employed for improvement, correction or growth.”

So often…

people focus…

primarily on method…

and methodology.

Reality dictates…

that cultures…

both created…

and non-spoken…

are powerful influences…

in outcome.

For instance…

when people ask Hero Hubby and I…

“how did we achieve…

(fill in the blank) with our children?”

Many times…

the answer stems from the culture…

that we have consciously created for our family.

And again…

we really must also consider…

the power of influence in what we don’t say…

where culture is concerned as well.

I was discussing this…

with my punk …

quite-possibly-overly-qualified brother today.

As always…

he had multiple insights…

going many directions…

with tremendous examples…

that left me thinking…

thinking…

thinking.

He generally has that effect on me…

when we’re having conversations like this.

Follow along if you will…

Text: “Are you at football practice?”

“No.”

“May I call you?”

He calls.

Tim: “What’s up?’

Me:”I’m wanting to discuss “culture”…

for the next few days on TommyMom.

Will you write an article?”

Tim: “Sure…

That’s a mighty wide open topic….

that could go so many different directions.”

Me: “Which is why I’d like you…

to take it in a couple of different ones”…

(proceeding to name the ones I had in mind.)

Tim: “Well, yes…

but what about all of the other directions…

that come to mind?

What about majority culture…

that influences…

the minority one you’ve created?”

Or…

“How do you change an undesirable culture?”

Then there is always…

“Unspoken Culture.”

“For instance…

why do we always ride escalators facing forward?

No one told us we had to do that.

It’s an unspoken given in our culture.”

See, readers…

this is what takes up valuable time!

It’s simply one more thing to ponder!

When I ride the escalator…

on any given “trip”…

I may or may not be facing forward…

due to several notable articles of fashion…

that are possibly traveling the other direction!

Oh, yes, indeed….

we are very different people.

With nearly identical values.

Hello, Andy Stanley tension…

on a very regular basis!

So…

start thinking about…

and noticing…

“cultures.”

I promise you…

really…

truly…

when Friday…

and several other intermittent days…

come rolling around…

and “Driver’s Ed” is posted…

you’re in for a real treat!

Until then,

This was the text that I received…

at midnight on Friday night…

as I was finally beginning to doze off.

It was from a very dear friend…

and “fellow mom of 5″…

that was supposed to be…

taking a “mental health day”

Saturday with myself and others.

Unfortunately…

for me personally…

it really had become…

necessary to define the day…

as one that would…

hopefully…

restore the “health”…

to the “mental.”

Or at least….

some perspective…

to a tired…

and spent…

wife, mother…

daughter and friend.

Have you ever noticed…

that often…

the very best of each of us…

is accompanied by a slant or side…

that can all-too-quickly…

become our very worst?

I am an extremely driven individual.

I’ve been asked many times…

by several of you…

“How DO you do it all?!”

There’s a simple answer.

I don’t.

It may appear as if I do…

from time to time…

and mothers are certainly known…

for giving this impression…

but I come up short…

just like everyone else.

I over schedule..

under plan…

fight feelings of desperation…

that come from both a lack of that planning…

or the neglect of sufficient margin…

between activities…

that urge us to…

go, go, go.

The unusual urgency and fast pace…

of this entire summer…

has taken my breath away.

Fact is…

everyone needs periods…

of introspection…

and rest.

Where opportunity to ruminate…

on the things of life…

provides a clear vision of…

its responsibilities…

opportunities…

pressures…

joys…

successes…

challenges…

and privileges.

These sometimes become a blur…

if we aren’t careful…

to demand margin…

reasonable amounts of space…

healthy boundaries.

Lately..

I’m “there.”

So…

I will step back…

settle in to the Fall season…

steep myself in Family Culture…

as I’m taking serious note…

of several things.

For instance…

this initial inspiration into the world of motherhood…

is transitioning once again…

into the world of full blown…

responsible…

capable…

young adult.

He is teaching me…

what it entails to effectively “parent”…

an adult child.

We are watching our first born son…

shoulder more and more responsibility…

embrace amazing opportunities…

mature on an even deeper level…

in his personal relationships…

commitments…

and skill sets.

I make mistakes…

flounder at times…

with what to say…

how to effectively guide…

and find my footing in his world…

so that we are rewarded with healthy…

mother/son adult relationships.

This delight…

just turned 1-1.

When I think about it…

I swear he was just 1.

And this week…

this child…the “end of the line”…

will enter year #9 of life on this planet…

thus beginning his last anniversary of birth…

still in single digit numbers.

This son…

with these deliciously…

soft…

warm…

dimpled…

little boy hands…

will in a mere instant…

exchange these books…

for a finer…

more cultured set.

Oh yes, dear friends…

it’s time to breathe.

And in taking in those deep breaths…

to gratefully embrace…

and then savor…

the potpourri of scents…

that make up an ever evolving…

changing…

emerging…

Leadership Education based…

family culture.

It’s time to reacquaint myself…

with my family’s…

growth…

strengths…

weaknesses…

and triumphs.

Yes…

strong…

deeply intoxicating…

breaths…

are definitely in order.

I’m looking forward to it!

Hello, Fall!

What about you?

The past few weeks have been insanely busy.

Actually…

I think I blinked in June…

and here we are.

How does this happen?

Two weeks ago…

I entered a “contest” on Facebook.

I was to state in 100 words or less…

what my “favorite feel good” movie was…

and why.

I have several of those…

but narrowed it down…

per the request.

I was notified last Tuesday…

that I was the winner…

of two tickets…

to the Opening Night…

of the “Feel Good Film Festival!”

It was located here…

on this boulevard of the same name…

in this historic theatre.

The Hero Hubby was already scheduled…

to work in Malibu all day Saturday.

With a bit of re-arrangement…

to our schedule…

I was able to procure a hot date…

with Son #2…

a reasonable hotel room close by…

and we were off!

Kristen Ridgway-Flores…

pictured here on the right…

(with a big hug for Laura-on-the-Left…

our new favorite Brit!)

co-founded the Feel Good Festival…

three years ago…

with her friend America Young…

as a purposeful way…

to combat all of the darkness…

and evil…

that pervades our daily lives.

The festival featured 64 films, including 14 features, 39 shorts, and 11 student films. Along with the films offered throughout the festival, highlights included a lively Opening Night intro from Host Cheryl Hines; a New Media panel “Why Web Series Suck” presented by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce Community Foundation discussing some hot-button issues prevalent in the web community and highlighted by the world premieres of a handful of web series, an outdoor bazaar highlighted by “green” and health-oriented vendors, and nightly after parties in the Egyptian Theatre Courtyard. ~ The Los Angeles Times

We admittedly had other reasons to attend as well.

We are in love with this family…

that the “Hero Hubby” has known…

and grown up with…

pretty much his entire life.

Stephen married Kristen…

and makes his living in Hollywood…

doing “all kinds of cool things”…

most of which pertain to acting.

We hadn’t seen them in a long time…

and the “winning entry”…

provided opportunity…

and motivation all around!

I’ve told you before…

Los Angeles…

is quite a mecca of diversity…

and creativity…

without any room for doubt!

Need inspiration for a new hair style?…

look no further!

How about that special outfit…

or personal fashion statement?

(these shoes looked like real ruby slippers off of the Wizard of Oz set!)

There is simply no end…

to the people watching opportunities!

Ever wondered why most everyone…

is the “same height” in movies and television?…

Here’s your answer!

In addition to Friday’s Opening films…

We attended all day Saturday.

Many of them were simply brilliant!

This one…

was profoundly moving…

as well as thought provoking.

Entitled…

“That Doesn’t Look Like Me”…

it was the documentary…

of an artist that solicited…

other artist friends…

to go into a senior residence…

and paint or draw…

some of the individuals there.

They interviewed…

and got to know these people in the process.

As the credits rolled…

it was revealed…

that some of these beautiful individuals…

had since passed away.

There was also a challenge…

to engage in a community project of this nature.

We came out to…

some of the actual portaiture.

Powerful beyond belief.

It was an enriching experience!

We plan on going again…

should Kristen…

and her colleagues continue.

Here’s what Leadership Education…

has to say about this experience.

“Young people need to learn to think and lead before they start dividing themselves into campes of allies and enemies…A deep respect for all good ideas, people and organizations, and the ability to identify both the good and the error in all things is an important part of Transition.  This is where the child notices differences and draws conclusions that will either lead to a life of bias or respect…Leaders will remember lessons of Core and “trust the process,” knowing that its fruits are worth its labors.  And in the process, they will enjoy life, have a lot of fun, and learn to bring the best feelings and experiences into their lives.  Leadership can be challenging, but it should also be joyful.”~ Leadership Education, Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 170 and 266

We definitely had a lot of fun…

met some amazing folks along the way…

(hello again to Laura…

the exceptionally fun...

witty…

and “Brilliant Brit!)…

and definitely broadened our horizons…

while experiencing joy!

There is a lot of genius…

and amazing creativity out there..

floating around in the form…

of “the arts!”

How do you…

tap into them?

Through big city Productions?…

Festivals?…

Local theatre?…

High school performances?…

Regardless of the source…

I hope you’re tapping them…

to promote brain development…

deep thought processes…

and to build and strengthen…

all areas of learning.

that awhile back…

I wrote a post…

on community responsibility.

It involved a trip…

to LifeStream…

which is our local…

as well as our county…

blood bank.

The shortened version of the events that followed…

is that they read the post…

approached me…

and asked if they could use our family…

in an upcoming campaign…

that was to be entitled…

Blead By Example.

I loved the title of this campaign…

and have also considered it a privilege…

to share with the employees…

that have contacted us…

about Leadership Education.

What it involves…

why it’s great…

what it is!

It’s been a fun…

enlightening…

journey.

Many of you also recall…

that on the eve…

of our scheduled photo shoot…

Son #3 wanted to know…

exactly where and how…

these photos would be used.

I will readily admit at this point…

that perhaps I was tired…

and lacking sleep…

when I shot back with…

“Maybe if you’re lucky…

you’ll be in a bus stop somewhere.”

I got the reaction I wanted…

and we proceeded to our photo opp.

I promised to keep you updated…

as to the progress of this project.

Here is a synopsis…

of the conversation…

that Son #2…

had with LifeStream…

at the end of last week…

when he called to reschedule his appointment.

LS: “Hello, LifeStream.  How may we help you?’

Son #2: “Yes, I need to reschedule my appointment, please.”

LS: Your name?

(Son #2 complies.)

LS:” Oh my word!  As in the individual…

that is currently on our vehicles?”

Son #2: “Um…well, I guess so.”

Oh yes, indeed!

Later that day…

Son #1 went in to give blood and came home with these…

making it official.

My two eldest children are zipping back and forth on freeways…

all over Southern California!

I believe they said they are on 14 vehicles…

but don’t quote me.

Here’s the best part!

When I called the corporate office…

and spoke to Piper…

my new…

peppy…

perfectly professional…

and popping-with-excitement friend…

here’s what she had to say.

P: “Hello, Teri!  The vehicle wraps look great!

People are embracing this campaign…

and the feedback has been wonderful!

Thanks so much again for helping us”

Me: “Are you kidding?

We feel privileged to have been asked!”

Piper: “I have more exciting news!

Towards the end of September…

there are plans to use Sons #1-#5…

to wrap two of our buses! ”

Me: Stunned silence.

Piper: “We’re going to use the three older boys…

on one side…

and the two little ones on the other.”

There was simply no denying…

that I had some serious “splaining to do”…

where Son #3 was concerned.

His response when I told him?…

“No, really Mom…

feel free to exploit us for however long…

you feel is necessary.”

Okay, so maybe some of us are grateful.

I know he really is as well.

He’s just supressing it…

for a later release.

Don’t worry, friends…

I will keep you posted.

I’m concluding the subject of tension today.

This certainly isn’t meant to imply…

that it won’t always be with us.

Krista Blaxton left an amazing comment.

I encourage you to read it.

It beautifully sums up a portion of my intent…

in my decision to broach this subject.

You see…

when we don’t differentiate between problems and tensions…

we really sell ourselves short in the process.

This results in missing out on greatness…

both in ourselves…

and others.

When we see everything…

as a problem to be solved…

we often throw in the proverbial towel…

and give up entirely.

But when we learn to recognize tensions….

we can get better and better…

at making progress in our journey…

to lead effectively and with  impact.

And that’s all any of this really is.

A journey…

A process…

on the road…

to the development of leaders.

The reaching of God-given potential.

Let’s look at some final ideas.

A great place to begin recognizing tensions…

is to identify those…

that exist within your organization.

For our purposes…

we’ll assume that the organization…

is the family.

Another great step…

is to create terminology.

What we see as tensions…

how we will identify what we see…

and  consistently and effectively…

communicate that with one another.

Next…

You need to inform your core.

I love this one.

Within a Leadership Education context…

we could certainly see this as a double entendre!

The core group that you influence…

and that influences in return.

Again, in this case…

members of the family.

But it could also easily mean “inform your core.”

I took this as a serious challenge.

There are a lot of things that I need to assess often….

that have to do with my CORE!

And nearly every tension requires…

that you act from your core…

to identify…

analyze…

and address it!

An example?…

Well, this past week.

I desire to be real with all of you…

my virtual community…

but at the same time…

healthy tension would dictate…

that I not frequently “dump” on you.

We all have problems and adversity in this life.

And when I look at those that others own…

I realize much of the time…

that mine are small in comparison.

Then there is the tension between “sappy”…

and appearing calloused.

For instance…

In the case of Alicia…

I don’t want to dwell for too long…

on why tragedy ends…

in the loss of human life for some…

and the reinforcement of its truly fragile state…

and what a precious gift it is…

for still others.

Yet…

this really has a lot to do with “informing my CORE.”

For me…

I have to revisit those values at times like this…

and remind myself…

that I trust the Sovereignty of a loving God…

that I personally use the Bible…

to navigate the CORE of my existence…

and that there are many things…

this side of eternity…

that require faith, trust, and hope.

Otherwise…

I’d most certainly go nuts…

trying to “figure it all out.”

My point?

You must identify, inform, and develop…

A CORE based on strength and absolute truth…

or it becomes difficult…

to move on to other levels of learning…

with one hundred percent effectiveness.

Next…

Continually recognize and give value…

to both sides of tensions.

This is so important…

in the process of developing individuals…

that know how to think…

rather than conditioning them…

regarding what to think.

Another important aspect…

as those that you mentor…

grow and mature…

is to start watching…

how heavily you weigh in with personal bias.

I’m not talking compromise of  your core values.

Rather…

I’m encouraging the nurturing…

of time and space…

that is required to learn and hone the skill…

of knowing how to think independently…

as well as interdependently.

And…

at the end of the day…

don’t always allow the strong personalities…

within the family…

to win the day.

Finally…

Don’t think in terms of balance…

Think rhythm.

And remember…

there’s no doubt about it.

One of the greatest things…

that you can do…

for your family…

or organization…

is differentiate between…

tensions you will always need to manage…

versus problems that need to be solved.

Thanks for being here.

You’re all blessings to me…

and definitely help…

many times…

to bring relief to the tensions!

Until Wednesday,

Her mother and one of her sisters spent the entire day yesterday removing glass from her hair as a result of the impact.  It was actually in the form of dust!  They are hoping that she will be stable enough to be released by the end of this week to go home and continue recuperating.  Obviously one of the main concerns for the future, would be the psychological aftermath from a trauma such as this.  She was in the front passenger seat of the van that was hit.

Again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.  They are much appreciated. ~ Teri

I was speaking to a dear friend and reader yesterday morning…

that expressed how much the “tension” post was making her think…

and re-think many things.

“It’s like a huge adjustment, Teri.

To be able to access issues as “tensions” that shouldn’t “go away”…

versus “problems” that should be solved…

is a major paradigm shift.

I’m thinking about it.”

So…

We will continue to discuss some of this…

probably into part of next week.

Because I’m going to assume here…

(knowing full well what that can do to “U” and “ME”)

that you are all somewhat quiet…

because you are thinking as well.

I would encourage you to read the comments…

that have been left…

because they are good, solid thoughts.

As a refresher to Monday’s post…

Andy Stanley stated that if you “resolve” tensions…

that should be leveraged…

you create a barrier to progress.

I think  that it would be helpful…

to realize that the family unit…

is the foundational “organization” in any society.

One of the most significant steps, then…

would be to distinguish between the problems that need to be solved…

and the tensions that need to be managed.

Here are some questions that you can ask…

in order to determine these two categories successfully.

1.  Does this problem or tension keep resurfacing?

2.  Are there mature advocates for both sides?

3.  Are the two sides really interdependent?

You can see where defining these two environments successfully…

could lead to lots of progress!

Here are some tensions…

that present themselves to all of us…

Family Culture vs. Education

School vs. Education

Young, Inexperienced Adulthood vs. Mature, Experienced Adults

Micro-Managing vs. Effective Mentoring That Helps To Structure Time

Discipline vs. Punishment

Expected “Norm” vs. Quality Time

Your thoughts on these tensions…

or input of others?

Here is the picture of our current fabulous giveaway…

which will be announced next week sometime!…

So keep those comments coming!

This has been one of the most emotionally taxing months that I can remember…

and I’m not referring to a “day one of one month”…

to “day one of the next” scenario.

In fact…

it seems like all too recently…

I shared with you that I was emotionally spent…

and wanted to be candid and up front.

That the last thing that I ever want to convey…

is that I have somehow…

“arrived”…

Circumstantially or otherwise.

I have shared with you more than once…

that the “Hero Hubby” and I…

have worked with youth of all ages…

for over 20 years.

It has been both a privilege and an honor.

We have helped to develop some pretty amazing ones…

that will most definitely lead, move and shake their generation.

In fact…

the punks stellar young people pictured here…

were given a national honor…

thanks to the mentoring of their coach/mom!

She’s also pictured.

Last evening…

near Bishop California…

there was a tragic accident involving three vehicles.

One of the vehicles…

one of three vans full of athletes from California Baptist University…

suffered a fatality…

and serious injuries.

One of “our kids” was in that van.

She is in serious condition in a hospital in Mammoth…

to which she and others were air lifted.

She is currently stable.

I opened a discussion about tension Monday.

There have been some great contributions.

I hope that there will be more.

One of the tensions that wasn’t even on my radar…

but is currently in the forefront…

is this…

(and if you have young children…

listen up anyway…

because you WILL “get there!”)

That’s a promise.

Not a possibility.

There is the tension between young adults and parents.

It’s a healthy tension…

but often a delicate one.

You raise your kids…

Leadership Education model especially included…

to be independent…

self-sufficient…

responsible adults.

And yet…

what about the tension of naivete’…

on their part…

versus the “life experience”…

and exposure to “impossibilities”…

on yours?

Without the experience that you have…

they can’t be as mature and objective…

as they often need to be.

Because “society at large”…

sees and acknowledges them as adults.

Life is…

for the most part…

all that is delightful and good in their world.

They’re on a perpetual upswing…

for now.

You…

on the other hand…

have experienced the bittersweet balance…

that exists between what-if-I-don’t-get-that-position…

(or whatever you’d use to fill in the blank)…

and can’t provide what is needed?

Tension between idealism and reality…

and knowing how to leverage…

the relationship that you worked so tirelessly…

to cultivate with your “child-that-is-now-an-adult”…

for the ultimate good and benefit of all…

is a significant tension, for sure!

Their infallibility would normally be included somewhere in there as well.

But not today.

Or even this week.

Possibly not this month, either.

Because “our girl”, Alicia…

is lying in a hospital…

fighting a lot of things.

Both physically and mentally.

Won’t you please remember her and her family…

in your thoughts and prayers?

And Alicia…

for all the times that you went at me or Mr. Helms…

with full gusto…

and your toes-on-the-line…

the times you laugh hysterically…

even when you should have chosen silence…

the joy…

the now seemingly benign “defiance”…

that is often misplaced by zealous..

well-meaning..

up-and-coming young leaders…

could you use all of that robust energy…

and get well?

And while your at it…

know with all your heart, mind and soul…

that there is a God that loves you…

cares for you…

and miraculously spared you?

Thanks.

Oh…

and one last thing…

I don’t think I’ve told you since January…

how much I love you…

and how proud I am of you!

Now get busy, okay?

Moms, Dads, Mentors, Friends…

Brothers, Sisters…

and everyone in between…

a hug and a soft answer…

go a long way in easing negative tension…

while validating and enforcing the necessity of its presence.

By all means…

go practice!

A special thanks to my brother, Tim Driver…

who is not a biological parent…

but yet a parent-figure, friend, and extraordinary mentor to many…

including his big sister.

Thanks for leveraging tension so beautifully this afternoon…

like you always do…

and for giving me the inspiration for this blog post…

when I was grieving too deeply to do it alone.

I love you bunches.

Until Friday,

It’s not exactly a word that conjures up positive connotations!

This past Thursday and Friday…

I had the privilege of attending an incredible Global Leadership Summit.

It was telecast from Chicago.

The speaker line-up was simply amazing!

Jim Collins, Terri Kelly, Tony  Dungy, Daniel H. Pink, Blake Mycoskie…

and THE Jack Welch…

to name a few.

That’s right.

I’ve attended a lot of conferences in my day…

and this one is hands down…

THE best investment of my time and money EVER.

Another speaker was a gentleman of less renown in the secular world…

by the name of Andy Stanley.

Andy is the senior pastor of a church in Alpharetta, Georgia…

that has a weekly attendance of  more than 28,000 people.

He just turned 51.

The talk that he shared was not without huge epiphanies…

impact…

effectiveness.

It’s title?

The Upside of Tension.

This week…

all week…

we are going to talk about several of the things that he shared.

They are thought provoking…

conversation stimulating…

paradigm shifting…

principles.

And they couldn’t apply more…

to leaders…

and a Leadership Education environment.

I have thought so very much…

about what he had to say…

as it applies to my life as a wife…

mother…

mentor…

friend…

community leader.

Tension is defined in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary as…

1. The act of stretching or straining;…2. The state of being stretched or strained to stiffness; or the state of being bent or strained…3. Distension.

The premise is this…

Every “organization” has problems that shouldn’t be solved…

and tensions that shouldn’t be resolved.

Why?

Because in the resolve…

you simply create new tensions!

Real progress depends not on the resolution of those tensions…

but on the successful management of those tensions.

Here are an example of two tensions…

that we all  need to manage regularly.

Schooling…

which according to the 1828 is…

instructing; teaching; reproving.

And Educating…

which is…

instructing; enlightening the understanding, and forming the manners.

He went on to explain…

that “problems to solve”…

are often mistaken for the tensions in life…

that need to be leveraged and managed!

Talk about thought provoking!

This week…

it is my hope…

that we will engage in interesting..

thought provoking dialogue together…

about all of the ways that we could make progress…

as leaders and mentors…

if we will learn to distinguish between problems and tension!

So…

put on your thinking cap…

even start taking the time to write down examples of “tensions”…

and we’ll meet up on Wednesday to begin discussing!

Don’t hesitate to share these in the comments section!

It will most likely broaden our options!

See you Wednesday!

And no…

I didn’t forget!

This week’s giveaway is also courtesy of Christy Gandara…

at OneCreativeBug.

It is a set of two plexi-glass-like boards.

One is a “To Do” list…

the other is a “What’s Cookin’?” week day schedule- at- a-glance.

They’re convenient…

in that you use a wipe off Vis-a-Vis marker on each of them…

and start fresh both daily and weekly respectively.

They are decorated, of course…

and I will post a picture on Wednesday!

My brain has been going non-stop since Thursday…

and admittedly…

it is a refreshing change from my mouth…

is it not?!

I’m tired…

and I’ll see you Wednesday!

XO,