“There really is humor in everything.” ~ Tim Driver
Have you ever noticed…
that there are huge paradoxes…
in so many situations…
that we are afforded in this life?
For example…
what we fear most…
can often…
in the end…
not only afford us tremendous peace…
but also give us greater strength…
deeper understanding…
and a higher resolve.
There can also be…
great opportunities….
hidden as rewards…
when you choose to power through…
as opposed to practicing avoidance.
These observations were reality…
where cleaning my brother’s things…
from his house…
were concerned.
While I had 3 of my boys along…
I knew I needed more help.
Spencer Ruf…
was an individual…
my brother, Tim…
mentioned often.
Yet, until Tim’s passing…
we had never personally met.
Spencer played football for Tim…
and was on the Newport team…
that won the state championship.
Now with a young family of his own…
he sought me out…
after Tim’s memorial…
and asked if there was anything at all…
he could do to help.
While I felt that this was…
an incredibly kind gesture…
I was overwhelmed with similar offers.
Spencer didn’t let it drop.
He contacted me regularly…
asking how I was…
what he could do…
and reiterated…
that it would be a privilege…
to be included…
through some task…
or menial act.
An act that for him…
demonstrated…
respect, love and gratitude…
for the things…
he feels my brother has done for him.
In fact…
he sent me an incredible e-mail…
detailing those things…
that perhaps…
at some point…
he will allow me to share.
It is powerful and beautiful.
I trusted my brother implicitly.
If anything were to happen…
to Hero Hubby and myself…
he was to receive full guardianship…
of our children.
I have always known…
since the onset…
of these horrific events…
that if my brother trusted someone…
then I could, too.
As I was mulling this seemingly arduous task…
over in my head yet again…
Spencer was there…
reinforcing…
that it would be both an honor…
and privilege.
I took him up on it.
While this was…
only Snowmaggedon, Day #2…
as we got started…
it most definitely…
began coming down…
with purpose and intent.
As I crept toward the house…
both physically and emotionally…
I received a text.
“Out in front of the house.
(In case you are inside.)”
I wasn’t.
When I called in response…
he asked if I would like him…
to go ahead and get started.
It struck me…
that he was ready, willing…
and clearly able…
to walk through…
whatever we were going to find…
and he was going to do…
whatever it took…
to be strong and helpful…
while doing it.
When I arrived…
he was already sorting boxes…
and laying things out.
My brother didn’t disappoint.
Always a minimalist…
he had very little…
for us to go through.
In fact…
most Americans…
would’ve looked at what was there…
and never guessed…
that it was supposed…
to represent 46 years…
of someone’s life.
Tim, from boyhood…
had earnestly been…
about others.
He had this almost inborn…
sense of obligation towards…
his fellow man…
from the time I could remember.
It definitely showed now.
In retrospect…
I can tell you…
that a definite measure…
of how well…
an individual knew or knows another…
is clearly observed…
by working alongside them…
in a situation such as this!
I chose well.
Spencer knew Tim intimately.
But more importantly…
he prioritized…
categorized…
and even anticipated…
what we would find next…
with an accuracy…
that made me more than comfortable.
Isn’t it funny…
in a sad sort of way…
how we measure accomplishment…
whether unintentionally or not…
through tangible means?
Behold but a tiny smattering…
of football videos.
There. were. MANY!
And yet…
I was struck by how inadequately…
they represented…
my brother’s coaching legacy…
the hours invested…
the faith exhibited…
the care, concern and love given.
That…
simply can’t be measured.
Just the day before…
I stood in a vast pavilion…
honoring that legacy…
in a different sport.
And yet…
how often do each of us despair…
when tangible results…
aren’t evident…
where seemingly endless efforts…
are concerned?
Son #3: “Check this out, Mom!
Two incredible classics in literature…
with a DVD entitled ‘The Best of the 3 Stooges’…
sandwiched in between!”
Once the initial ice was broken…
Spencer and I chimed in with him…
laughing hysterically at treasures we would find…
that so clearly represented his mantra of humor in all things.
Notes from students that made you laugh, cry…
and contemplate the obvious influence.
Copious football and basketball plays…
diagrammed on everything from notepads to napkins.
Precious pictures…
of children belonging to both family and friends.
Shoes.
Lots of athletic shoes.
When we took breaks…
we would set one another up…
with jokes…
using things we found…
all in the spirit of even more laughter.
I came across his “Teacher of the Year” medal…
which I never until that moment…
knew he had received.
One of his Masters diplomas…
was in a box…
still in the postal service mailer!
Meanwhile…
it was really starting to snow!
“Spencer, you should probably go.”
“I’m great…
and we’re not finished yet.”
Seemingly small things…
that were developed on the 50…
the 20…
the 10…
in practice…
drills…
and adversity…
showed clearly…
in Spencer…
the individual my brother…
had poured himself into.
Dedication…
devotion…
resolve…
relationship…
and teamwork.
And just as quickly…
it was nearly over.
Two hours…
and 45 minutes…
start to finish that day.
“Oh.my.WORD!
This is hideous.
No, scary!”
Spencer had come across this:
The first ever “Angry Bird”…
posing as my grandmother’s antique pitcher.
We agreed everyone’s grandma had owned one…
while the boys roared.
My mother is most relieved…
to have it back…
and we’re left wondering how Tim got it.
In the end…
this was the sum total…
of what I shipped home.
What I left…
was a new personal lifelong friend.
There’s a situation in the Bible…
where the disciples of Jesus…
are having a very heated discussion.
They finally broke down…
and asked Him flat out…
who would be the greatest in His kingdom.
Over 2,000 years later…
I respectfully submit…
that mankind still struggles with Jesus’s answer.
“If you would be great…
than learn to be the servant of all.”
Now there’s a paradox…
by anyone’s standard…
in today’s world.
My brother both mastered…
and owned it.
Imagine what the world would be like…
if we all did.
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