paradox [ˈpærəˌdɒks] n.

A person or thing exhibiting apparently contradictory characteristics.

So…

Seattle…

the week of January 16th.

“Clean Out My Brother’s Belongings Week”…

more aptly titled…

“Snowmaggedon.”

I can’t remember when…

I’ve both dreaded and subconsciously feared…

anything more.

Armed with Sons #3-#5…

the four of us left at an insanely early hour…

in order to make our 2:00 p.m. commitment.

We landed to see this.

It’s a good thing the words were spelled out clearly here!

While the surroundings were quite familiar…

(comforting, even…)

for a moment…

I thought we took a wrong turn!

Huge, white flakes were voraciously descending…

from a dense and totally-socked-in-sky.

It.was.freezing!

When we got to the rental car building…

Son #3 came through in the clutch.

“Please, for the love…

of everything moral and decent…

do not tell me…

that the guy driving up…

is in our rig.”

Two words: Mini-Van.

I digress in order to say…

that I simply love, love…

love it when my children exhibit trust!

We weren’t even to the counter yet.

The atmosphere in line…

was somewhere just below…

full blown panic…

and I marveled at how well…

I could relate…

given the emotional build up…

to the events I was facing.

Sons #4-#5…

were practically wearing…

“Yes, we’ve grown up…

in the Sunshine State” badges…

as they frolicked out front…

throwing snowballs at one another…

while possibly inadvertently pegging…

a few innocent bystanders.

If you were one and reading…

I truly am sorry.

Truth be known…

I had been mulling over…

the possibilities of being stuck.

I just piled this…

on top of the rest of my totally…

unsubstantiated worries!

I settled on a steed…

(Suburban)

that was now clipping along…

at a rather brisk pace…

in order to meet the deadline…

of arriving at the University of Washington…

Hec Edmundson Pavilion…

for a presentation…

honoring my brother, Tim.

There are very few things…

that I can think back upon…

in the life of my brother…

that were easily executed.

Therefore, the present circumstances…

should’ve come as no surprise.

Oh, he made it look that way…

over and over again…

but my,my…

can’t looks be deceiving?

If the shoe were on the other foot…

he would most definitely chime in here…

and state that my attendance…

at his sporting events…

was the part…

that was anything but easy.

Ron Bollinger and Tim…

coached basketball together for years.

Lots of them.

Inclement weather…

snow, sleet, nor hail…

would keep us…

and our dear friends, the Browns…

from this auspicious occasion.

Ron is a part of Friends of Hoop…

and every year they host a huge…

tournament over the weekend in America…

that honors Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Some of the games are even televised.

While I grew up in Seattle…

I left there many years ago…

for Southern California…

where we were going to live for one year.

That was 28 years ago.

Hec Ed was where I graduated.

I love this landmark.

That day…

it took on even more significant meaning.

We were ushered inside…

to the VIP section…

where we watched a game.

Loved it.

A beautiful honor and privilege.

The building is immense…

the game was exciting…

the crowd enthusiastic.

Mostly because there were…

even more games to come!

Except for the part…

where I know…

beyond the shadow of a doubt…

my brother was rolling his eyes…

and heaving a huge sigh.

Yes…

there was a rather large box of M & Ms…

that perhaps in an exciting moment…

got jostled from my purse…

and bounced…

VERY LOUDLY…

down every.single.step…

into each and every section…

below me.

It got very quiet.

Mostly…

because the sound resembled…

gun fire, I think.

Son #3…

“You couldn’t have gotten DOTS?!”

Between games…

they honored my brother…

by bringing Ron and myself…

center court…

while they showed this…

and read some humbling…

yet incredible things.

Interesting that my brother was also both.

And surrounded himself daily…

with equally great individuals.

In Western Civilization…

we laud this type of recognition.

It certainly is both a privilege and an honor.

But we can tend to take it way too far…

by attributing it to success.

My brother was insanely successful…

but the paradox will hopefully…

not only surprise you…

but also make you think.

I know I certainly have…

and will continue to do so.

That, my friends…

becomes significant legacy.

So very grateful that my kids got to live it.

Can’t wait to share more,

This inquiry comes my way…

nearly each and every day right now.

While I adore being American…

I can safely say…

that our primary area of weakness…

and dysfunction as a culture…

is undoubtedly death.

It’s not dinner table…

or social gathering…

discussion material.

Ever.

Sadly, I think few…

will embrace it enough…

to realize what an incredible teacher…

sculptor…

and molder of character it really is.

Friday’s post…

will highlight…

some great things…

about my brother Tim…

from my recent trip to Seattle.

For today…

I’d like to share…

in as non-threatening terminology as possible…

answers and personal observations…

to the above question.

Because it’s good to clear the air from time to time…

as it makes for greater growth…

when honesty moves to the forefront…

forcing you to face some things.

Not always pleasant…

or even gentle…

but necessary.

At least it’s necessary…

if you’re an individual…

that desires to continue to grow…

change…

and develop for the better.

Son #4…

recently purchased this.

You may…

(or may not)…

recognize her…

as a beefed up version…

of this Ninjago.

I introduced her here in July…

and currently…

personally relate to her newfound look.

She remains the only female…

in this particular LEGO craze.

When he arrived home with her…

I executed an extremely mature…

level-headed and calculated act as his mother.

I took her…

and promised a replacement!

I mean after all…

I’m dominated by male influence…

throughout my life!

“Give me a break, kid.”

(I actually uttered that.)

With a gracious smile…

he turned her over…

and reminded me…

that I owed him a new spinner.

Yesterday afternoon and evening…

I got around to checking out my cards.

I’m confident that you would all agree…

from time to time…

this is a productive life activity.

I’m personally coming from a worldview…

that doesn’t involve fate…

but rather evaluation of how…

I’m choosing to respond…

to present circumstances…

in light of my faith.

Again…

it can be a productive…

yet painful activity.

Here are the first two cards…

that depict my current life.

Yep, Whirlwind…

along with the constant temptation to Smoke Screen.

Regardless of whether or not my brother had died…

how many folks…

are playing these puppies out…

right alongside me…

in culture today?!

The whirlwind I’m currently experiencing…

has very little to do with my own making.

I’m finding my brother was a legend…

in more than one arena.

At times…

I feel a personal assistant would be in line…

in order to keep up with who he was…

and all he accomplished in a given day!

But then…

true honesty prompts me to realize…

many things…

about this particular topic/category of life.

Regardless of whether the source…

is internal or external…

how I respond…

makes or breaks both velocity…

as well as G-Forces!

I’m finding…

that success…

in all things whirlwind related…

simply involves…

faithfully doing the next right thing.

It’s most definitely the calm…

in the eye of any storm.

There isn’t a lot of fanfare…

hooplah…

or applause….

but at the end of the day…

as well as this life…

it all adds up…

to the sum total of your impact.

Some final clues:

Whirlwinds are caused by both positive…

and negative factors.

Examples of each?

Investing in others…

aiming for effectiveness vs. attractiveness…

realizing no positive investment or random act…

pays negative dividends in the end.

Negatives?

Thinking that activity equals productivity…

that “keeping up with the Joneses”….

in any and all areas of life…

is a genuine, honest template of reality…

just to name a few.

And then there’s the Smoke Screen card.

What I was initially struck by here…

was the obvious conflict this destructive act brings.

I mean…

look at the guy, would you?

Smiling on the outside…

can produce true angst on the inside…

where grief is concerned.

And make no mistake.

Death is not the only initiator of genuine grief.

Know your limits…

and practice productive self-care…

which is not to be confused with self-focus.

Have you noticed that wallowing…

is one of the most unproductive…

personally destructive activities…

to vibrant leadership there is?

I don’t care where the venue…

of said leadership is located…

be it home or stadium.

Concentrate on the care piece…

and the focus piece moves to the background…

where it belongs!

I love the next card.

Stand Tough.

Life involves lots of battles….

regardless of your calling…

vocation…

and mission.

Standing Tough…

and constantly honing this life skill…

eventually produces even greater strength…

coupled with vulnerable, healthy weakness…

that becomes a give and take…

amongst those traveling this life journey alongside you.

Practice Standing Tough…

because it is a continuous practice.

More and more…

I’m convinced zero arrive.

(That would be a Smoke Screen…

in which case…

please refer to the above!)

The gold card here…

is the Boomerang.

Leadership Education…

has very few tangible measures…

but this would be one.

What you throw out…

give away…

practice…

hurl…

and (gulp) model through example…

is beyond-the-shadow-of-a-doubt…

without exception…

guaranteed-with-money-in-the-bank…

going to come back to you.

End of discussion…

because talk is cheap…

but results are priceless.

So…

how are you these days?

I hope with some honest introspection…

you can say that you’re doing okay…

answering from the ideology…

that we’re all works in progress.

I’ll tell you that I’m hurting…

I’m learning to embrace a new normal…

attempting to evaluate many things…

from a more enlightened perspective…

as to the true brevity and changing nature…

of this life and its circumstances…

prioritizing things differently…

and realizing more and more…

that life…

this precious life…

is one of the paramount teachers…

of all things.

That…

and the incredible grace of God…

in this Ninjago Chick’s life…

will insure…

that everything turns out fine!

Grateful for this spin,

I watched my boys and three of their close-enough-to-be-cousins friends, picking at a bowl full of conversation hearts last week.

Shrieks of laughter, along with commentary on the message each piece of candy bore, filled the air for several minutes, as they attempted to piece together things that made sense.

I couldn’t help but think that from time to time, this is certainly me where the choice to educate my children “at home” is concerned.

I’m guest posting over at Hip Homeschool Moms today.  Come on over to finish this article!

It is beneficial for each and every one of us…

regardless of what calling in life we practice…

to rest, rejuvenate, recharge.

For those of us practicing Leadership Education…

the opportunity to do these things is fast approaching!

The Fifth Annual Thomas Jefferson Education Forum (FATJEF)…

in Southern California is scheduled for Saturday, March 3, 2012…

at the Goldy S. Lewis Community Center…

11200 Baseline Road, Rancho Cucamonga, CA 91739.

Dr. Shanon Brooks will be speaking as keynote to the youth…

and Dan Ralphs will be running that youth session for the day.

Dr. Brooks will then be presenting a “Classic” track of Thomas Jefferson Principles.

I could listen to him teach organic TJEd all day long.

Oh, that’s right…

he will be!

Catherine Down will present Latin…

C. Darren Butler is going to get “down and dirty”…

teaching principles of gardening…

Dr. Erik Lundquist will speak on mind development…

and Andrew Pudewa, of Institute in Excellence for Writing…

will be our keynote speaker…

to name a few!

There will also be a Q & A panel discussion led by Shawn Crane.

Speakers will have products for sale…

and other vendors will be in attendance.

The cost is $55 per adult or $90 for a couple (same family) and includes lunch.

The cost for the youth conference is $35 and includes lunch.
You can mail your completed registration form and a check to:

Deena Ortiz
13727 Smokestone Street
Rancho Cucamonga, CA 91739

Feel free to call her with any questions at 909-899-9869…

or to email her at deena.ortiz@gmail.com .

I invite you to go to FATJEF.com…

for further information…

and regular updates.

Deena Ortiz…

founder…

organizer…

and TJEd visionary…

is generously offering…

to give away one seat to this conference…

here on TommyMom!

To enter…

simply leave me a comment…

as to why you would like to attend…

why you are attending…

what you hope to get from this conference…

or just to say “hi!”

Winner will be announced next Friday, February 3rd!

I not only hope you win…

but look forward to seeing you there!

Know that as you are reading this today, I, along with a portion of my family am preparing to return home from Seattle, where we have been, tying up loose ends regarding my brother’s home and other things.  I intend to keep my word to you this year and profile him intermittently here on the blog, in a series that looks at the journey involved in one person’s life on the path to becoming an incredible leader.  My brother was a tremendous man, and a phenomenal educator, teacher, coach and friend.  Even in his death, he continues to educate me about life…which is just as he would have wanted it.  I thought it fitting to take you back to the first time he was here on TommyMom, which was January 15, 2010. Enjoy.  As I reread this interview I had several laughs and many smiles.  I look forward to celebrating Tim even more with you this year.

Tim Driver has been in education for 23 years. During this time, he has been both a teacher and an administrator.He’s taught a spectrum that includes everything from junior high to graduate school. Some of his most effective work has been with at-risk youth; designing and implementing a program specifically for them and running it successfully for 12 years in the Lake Washington School District.

He has also coached at the high school level in four different sports for 24 years, with numerous trips to state tournaments and a state championship in 1992.

He will be speaking at the upcoming FATJEF in Rancho Cucamonga on Saturday, April 24, 2010.

The reason for the slightly casual, somewhat irreverent approach to this interview?

He also happens to be my kid brother. As awesome as he is, in the eyes of his older sister…

he’s still a “punk!”

Favorite book:

The Bible, No Other Alternative (when it gets published)a book that he has written, chronicling his journey with the founding and administering of his at-risk youth program.  Update: I have this manuscript and am considering an E-book to be made available here.  More on that later! ~Teri

Favorite sibling: Never mind… ;0)

I have no favorite sibling…………..I’m an only twin.

Favorite board game:

I’d have to say chess at this point in my life. That may change to checkers as I age.

Anything else along these lines you’d like to cough up?

Love to write lyrics and thought provoking comedy. I also speak all over the place to many groups as well. I enjoy that very much.

Why did you go into teaching?

All through school, people would ask me to help them in one class or another. I got to the place where I gained a little bit of confidence there. But it wasn’t until I worked with high school at-risk kids that I decided that was what I wanted to do. I also had many GREAT teachers such as Bruce Brown, Thad McManus and Don Harney who were great role models for me; along with Mary Ousley, Jim Murphy, and too many others to name.

Favorite subject:

History, Political Science, as it relates to teaching people how to study it.

While I happen to know that teaching is a passion; for you coaching happens to be right up there with it. Why do you love to mentor in this way?

Coaching IS teaching. John Wooden never called himself a coach, but a teacher.

Just as in the classroom, you’re teaching so much more than your subject or sport. You are teaching life lessons.

The reason I enjoy coaching so much is because you can see growth in kids’ lives so dramatically over a 3-4 year stretch.

The title of one of your presentations for the upcoming FATJEF in April is “Helicopter Parenting: It Isn’t a Good Idea. Do you care to expound and explain?

Parents have an INCREDIBLY important role in the lives of their children. But some parents don’t understand that ONE of those roles is to teach them independence. Parents who never let their kids have a problem, a conflict, or a struggle without their intervention are doing their kids a huge disservice. I will be discussing some strategies that parents can use to create boundaries for themselves, that allow them to still be actively involved but in appropriate ways.

What, in your perspective, is a healthy balance between a “Helicopter Parent” household and the public school situation described in John Taylor Gatto’s article “The Seven Lesson Schoolteacher?”( keeping in mind that most parents really do want what is best for their children.)

Not to oversimplify, but if people are relying on school to fully educate their children, they are in trouble. Likewise, if people are counting on home to fully educate their children, they are in equal trouble.

I think that even when people do a good job of home educating their kids, there is still a tremendous fear that they aren’t measuring up. One of the greatest things you helped me to realize, is that there is a very fine line between an at-risk youth and a driven honor student. It really makes you think about motive. Care to explain this one?

I have not met a competent teacher yet that doesn’t question their own effectiveness. We ALL do.

Having taught both ends of the spectrum, from junior high, up through the graduate college level; I can say confidently that people are people. Labels that are attached to them can have incredible impact. I’ve found that honors kids are really quite deficient in some areas, scared to death that people will discover it. Likewise, at-risk kids are incredibly PROficient in some areas, equally as scared that someone will find out. Grad students are no different.

What is one of the greatest life skills or character traits in your opinion that you believe a parent or mentor can model for kids?

Integrity

What is the greatest thing that a student ever taught you?

That I need to have a teachable spirit every day and learn every bit as much from others as I am expecting others to learn.

Anything else you want to say at this time? ( Bear in mind that I can censor you at the click of a button) But go ahead…really.

Is the witness excused?

Thanks for doing this for me….

Not a problem. I actually cheated off of someone else’s paper.

I will attempt at some point in 2010 to do at least 3 kind things for you in return…

maybe.

I shant hold my breath.

This week, schools observed Monday as a holiday in tribute to Civil Rights Movement leader, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  I had the honor and privilege of attending a basketball tournament at the University of Washington, Hec Edmundson Pavilion where the memory of my brother, Tim was being honored.  He worked this annual tournament on behalf of youth.  I thought it fitting to finish out the week with his thoughts that also honor a tremendous woman who served to spark the beginnings of this movement.

Take a stand!

That is what most people think of when confronted with injustice and prejudice.

Rosa Parks took a seat.

By doing so, she ignited what proved to be the momentum to propel the civil rights movement to the front of American consciousness and to secure it’s rightful place in history.

By refusing to follow a bus company rule that she give her seat to a white rider, Ms. Parks defied over 100 years of racism in the south without lifting so much as a finger.

The beauty of the defiance was its peaceful nature.

In this day and age where ecoterrorists destroy buildings or protesters resort to violent tactics, Rosa Parks personified peace.

This caught the attention of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. ,who himself preached protest through non-violence, and made Montgomery, Alabama the stage for the performance of demanding equality.

What few were expecting was the fortitude of the people of color to inconvenience themselves by walking everywhere, leaving the bus company with huge losses.

This forced them to change their policy regarding people of color.

Never to this point had any attempt at equality been given a nod of approval by any white government, business, or social organization.

It wasn’t until a non-threatening woman of color delivered what proved to be a knock out blow to Alabama racism.

Granted, change did not happen overnight, but then again, lasting change rarely does.

She propelled the movement which later demanded integrated schools, businesses, and marched on Washington D.C. to demand legislation for equality.

Had this woman pushed and shoved her way to get what she wanted, or succumbed to what must have been terrifying threats of violence and ridicule, perhaps change would have been much longer in its arrival.

Yet she showed the courage that few had to this point- simply by taking a seat.

I had the honor of hearing Ms. Parks speaks in my home town, a few years before her death.

She was as humble and unassuming then is she was in the 1950′s.

Make no mistake however- she was still every bit as resolute about her purpose.

For that, people of all color owe her an incredible debt of gratitude and respect.

A bestowing of a coin or stamp should be an automatic for such a fine American and civil rights champion.

Best,

Tim

Why Monticello College?

“Monticello College promotes the vital principles of leadership that are needed to help restore a culture of freedom and prosperity in the 21st Century. We need a revolution of truly excellent Jefferson-style education in America, and Monticello College is greatly helping blaze this trail.”   – Oliver DeMille

Josiah Bunting, in his book, An Education for Our Time, states, “The things our country requires are simply not the things our colleges are prepared to deliver.”

Why Monticello College? Because we are prepared to deliver the things our country requires.

Monticello College Information Webinar
Join us for a Webinar on January 19, 7:25pm MT

Space is limited.
Reserve your Webinar seat now

We understand that this type of education and environment are not for everyone, but if this intrigues you, join us and after 30 minutes you will know all you need to pursue Monticello College or not.

Title:    Monticello College Information Webinar  
Date:    Thursday, January 19, 2012
Time:    7:25 PM – 8:30 PM MST

After registering you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Webinar.

System Requirements
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Required: Windows® 7, Vista, XP or 2003 Server
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Required: Mac OS® X 10.5 or newer

“Probably the biggest challenge of Leadership Education, is the fact that it really is immeasurable.”

This sentiment was stated by a brilliant mom who has chosen to home educate.

But the reality of the statement…

rings true for all of Leadership Education and its pursuits…

regardless of whether you’ve ever home,private, or publicly educated…

or whether you’ve even parented!

Through the ages…

the stark reality that smacks of truth…

over and over again…

is what was stated above.

Leadership Education is immeasurable.

For example…

Thomas Merton…

is considered…

one of the great thinkers and writers…

of the 20th century.

And yet, his life…

was one of cloistered existence…

in rural Kentucky.

Consideration that he led…

a remarkably rich life…

has prompted millions…

to read his thoughts…

and characterize him…

as part Emerson and part Ghandi.

And what of Ghandi?

Mother Theresa?

John Wooden?

Vince Lombardi?

Dr. King?

You get the idea.

How does one accurately measure…

the effects of great leadership?

I humbly submit…

that until eternity…

it simply can’t be done.

Oh, we are privileged…

to see glimpses into results…

that are gifts and isolated moments.

But the ripple effect?

Impossible.

Every life impacted…

reached…

or transformed?

It can’t be done.

Why then…

do we doubt…

the process…

when we are faced…

with a lack of ability to see?

I hope that a lack of seeing…

isn’t exchanged for lack of vision…

because there is a tremendous difference.

A need to see…

has an absence of faith…

and produces results.

Vision…

realizes…

that there is a good chance…

I may not be around…

to even experience…

or grasp a measure…

of accurate influence.

If I focus on the circumstances…

that surround my life…

I would definitely despair…

for an apparent lack of immediate results.

But if…

in faith..

I focus on the process…

that is being forged day after day..

precept upon precept…

line upon line…

then I can be changed…

by the work itself.

And there is always…

value..

truth…

and rightness..

in the process.

Thomas was right.

In the end…

perspective…

and the immediate sacrifice…

of results in the here and now…

will in the end…

produce immeasurable results…

in leaders that were forged…

by and through the process.

I hope you’re counting on that…

as much as I am.

In a day and age…

when motherhood is often characterized…

by the world at large…

as a makeshift career…

a lack-lustre profession…

a “waste of your real time”…

I simply love…

that there are mothers…

(with fathers strongly behind them)…

who will trade personal status…

career accolades…

and personal validation…

for daily trenches….

endless messes…

and often immeasurable progress.

Instead…

they will arm themselves with courage…

faith…

a huge measure of tenacity…

in the face of well-meaning…

eyebrow-raising individuals…

some of whom are both family and friends…

in order to build precept upon precept…

and line upon line…

trusting that the processes…

keys and phases…

of Leadership Education work.

Because in the end…

while they come to book group…

possibly sleep and sustenance deprived…

they humble themselves to do the work…

believing all the while…

that this process works.

The reality being…

that future George Washingtons…

Lincolns…

Einsteins…

and the like…

are being cultivated…

nourished…

inspired and mentored…

by the individuals…

who in reality rule the world…

because they rock the cradle.

Mothers…

(and supportive, helpful, faithful fathers)…

I simply LOVE you!

]]> http://www.tommymom.com/simply-love-12460/feed 3 http://www.tommymom.com/the-merits-of-love-12421 http://www.tommymom.com/the-merits-of-love-12421#comments Mon, 09 Jan 2012 11:00:49 +0000 Teri http://www.tommymom.com/?p=12421

“Love hurts.” ~ Boudleaux Bryant

The lyrics to this song…

which really says it all in its title…

were recorded by many an artist.

First the Everly Brothers…

the rock band Nazareth…

and eventually Cher.

Being a product of the 1970′s…

in many ways…

she is quite possibly where I heard it.

Regardless of who is crooning out the lyrics…

the lyrics state it all.

And boy-howdy…

are they ever true.

I have been asked hundreds of times…

(yes, that would be literal)

why we chose to home educate…

“The Fab 5.”

While there are many reasons…

that have been sited over the years…

(and the list of them is miles long)

the one I’m sharing today…

doesn’t come to the forefront…

as a solid expression that often.

It is, rather…

implied lots of the time.

But now is a very appropriate time…

for it to be shared.

Shortly…

I, along with Sons #3-5…

will be boarding a plane…

for Seattle…

in order to tie up…

the remaining loose ends…

where my brother’s passing are concerned.

I will go to his house…

clear out the last of his personal possessions…

file paperwork at the DMV…

make decisions…

attend meetings…

and meet with friends.

Some of them are new…

still others are nearly lifelong.

It’s not something…

that I’m particularly looking forward to…

and yet, it simply must be done.

There is a tremendous amount of life…

that is compartmentalized in our country.

Birth…

death…

education…

and specific and “relevant” age groupings…

depending on activities.

One of the things I genuinely cherish…

about our home educating experience…

is the cohesiveness to life that it has afforded.

My kids don’t have a normal peer group.

They can have a conversation with a 4-year-old…

and just as effortlessly…

engage someone who’s 84!

Yes, I know people from all educational backgrounds…

that can do the same.

My point is…

we have had the privilege of viewing…

both our triumphs as well as our trials…

together in this family…

minus compartments!

I’m a church-going individual…

lover of Jesus…

retired Pastor’s kid.

Most of you know that.

Today in church…

I was privileged with great encouragement…

via Shawn Manley.

He reminded us…

that in Hellenistic Greek…

there are 4 kinds of love.

Two pertain to this post.

Philia…

which includes loyalty to friends..

family and community…

who have similar values to your own.

And  Agape…

which is complete…

unconditional love.

It exhibits the highest form of resolve.

Regardless…

every kind of love involves a choice.

I want my kids to witness first hand…

the value that their uncle placed on people…

over accumulating personal things.

I want them to know…

that quite often…

personal choice…

as well as genuine love for others…

involves…

persevering through really tough things.

But that even really difficult…

painful circumstances and situations…

afford opportunities…

for tremendous life lessons…

as well as personal growth.

My dear friend, Cyndi Hake-Castro…

stated my situation well.

“The only way out…is through. Any time we are running or hiding from something, it has power and authority over us.  If we are afraid of something then we will always be afraid of it. I’m in the process of confronting and walking through!  Not giving up!”

When looking at the less-than-desirable circumstances…

that will soon be in my present…

it would be easy to compartmentalize…

my children…

the situations…

and stuff.

But life is often messy.

And the best teacher by far…

is personal example.

My brother, Tim…

was a tremendous example…

both in the Philia…

and Agape Love departments.

I desire for my children to see…

that pain is no respecter of persons…

that it needs to be dealt with…

that crying and grieving…

go hand-in-hand…

with living and celebrating…

every life well-lived…

and that ideally…

these examples…

are learned and observed first…

within a family.

Because when inevitabilities…

within the journey of life strike…

in the end…

the lessons modeled and learned…

are powerful…

when they involve…

the merits of love.