Tommy Mom | Teri Helms | Mom of 5 Sons | Home Educator
Lover of Leadership Education-The Thomas Jefferson Way
For Mother’s Day, I requested that my family watch this with me.
While that glorious annual day of leisure, pampering and motherly appreciation has passed, this video is awesome!
I have wondered: How would I respond to a “prank” such as this?
The couple involved exude joy and know how to laugh. Both of these traits are definitely needed in order to remain healthy in this life.
I hope you will take the time to watch it.
And by all means, enjoy!
“Social media gives us opportunity to connect instantaneously over any number of subjects, for many reasons, and in powerful ways.”
I wrote this two weeks ago, and am honestly looking forward to being back.
Yesterday, my Facebook account was hacked; offering everyone in the known free world an iPad.
Let’s just say, that I experienced that instantaneous connection in a powerful way. People I haven’t heard from in at least a year, were happy to inform me that I was jacking their page.
Sigh.
I’m back, happy to be here, looking forward to “connecting over any number of subjects”…I think.
Happy Monday!
“A busy schedule is the enemy of reading. Agreeing in principle with all the benefits of books, you may at this point simply sigh and say, ‘I wish we had more time for reading.’ But the fact remains that we arrange time for what we think is truly important.” ~ Gladys M. Hunt, Honey for a Child’s Heart
I was directed to a wonderful article yesterday by The Mom Creative. It really, really caught my eye. Crystal Paine, who blogs with tremendous success at MoneySavingMom, home educates her children, and has as busy a life as the rest of us; read 130 books last year! Yes. Truth, right there. She offers an explanation regarding how she makes time for reading in this post. Excellent advice for sure; and some I am personally taking this morning as you read. I actually always take books with me wherever I go, in case of a wait. I’m generally not disappointed. There were other tips, however, that I plan on implementing pronto!
Many of you wonderful people have asked for an update on Son #4 and the ongoing hand saga.
Yesterday, we were privileged to see a tremendous hand surgeon, Dr. Barth Riedel, who this morning, is placing three pins and a new cast. Alas, the valiant ER efforts didn’t work. Hands, are indeed, tricky things. And again, we are so very grateful for an incredible specialist, dedicated to excellence in a time of tremendous medical turmoil and crisis in our country. He assured us everything will be good as new!
I’m also grateful for the ability to read, to learn through the pages of an author’s work, and to be transported to places beyond an OR where there isn’t a doggone thing I can do!
Happy Friday!
photo courtesy of Son #5
Grateful for super power inspiration…
as this week…
I continue the Room ReCon entitled “Pitch and Ditch”…
Our family honors yet another birthday boy…
We relish the last “Dead Dog Days of Summer”…
While beginning to roll on the “Schedule for Fall.”
Oh, and there promises to be a giveaway here on TommyMom as well!
And you?
“Give more than is expected, love more than seems wise, serve more than seems necessary,
and help more than is asked.” ~ Cory Booker
Today, we are revisiting a post from August 17, 2011. Why, you ask? Well, for one thing, there has been glowing success posted here for quite some time. Not that this post implies a lack of it. My Leadership Education book group is reading Jane Eyre. It will be discussed next week. Son #3 was invited. I met him in the hall last week looking ragged. “I’m done with Jane Eyre.” Me: “You ARE?!” #3: “NO. I’m D-O-N-E. The crazy chick ripping through the halls is creeping me out. I was literally up every time the wind blew last night. I can’t take her or this plot.” Son #2: “I’ll go to the book group with you Mom.” Praise Jesus. Just a few days later #3 to me while watching the Hatfields and McCoys History series: “You know that tobacco increases saliva in the glands, right?” He’s sooo joining us for the Jane Eyre discussion. Trust me on this one. Whilst he is reading the Hunger Games and The Virginian, Jane will rise from the ashes. I’m so relieved that my book group is a strong, hearty bunch! Over and out.
1. Great mentors believe in freedom- in the world and in one’s personal education.
2. Great mentors believe in individualizing the process and content of each student’s learning.
3. Great mentors believe that each student has a unique and vital mission in life.
4. Great mentors believe that students learn more and better when they are inspired and intrinsically motivated than when they are compelled by requirements. – From The Student Whisperer’s Creed, “The Student Whisperer”, DeMille and Earl
I have received…
some lovely, affirming communication…
from TommyMom readers of late.
TommyMom readers…
are incredible people.
I don’t state that often enough.
The timing of this…
could not be more appropriate.
Nearly every piece of correspondence…
has thanked me for being real.
I must admit…
that the affirmation of reality…
is a huge indicator…
on my compass.
I am really leary…
of portrayals…
of near-perfect/perfect…
family life.
You know…
where the children…
are in perfect sync…
while mom is…
baking whole grain bread…
from wheat she ground fresh…
that morning?
Um…
we’re not that family.
Let it be clearly stated…
yet again…
that there’s plenty of reality…
over here…
and at times…
it’s rather biting.
Why yes…
this was the preface…
to an update…
about the progress…
that Son #3…
has made in Jane Eyre!
Why do you ask?
I broached said subject…
while driving with him…
last week.
Me: “So…how’s Jane Eyre coming along?”
Out of the corner of my eye…
I witnessed the distinct change of countenance.
#3: in a tone resembling nails on a chalkboard…
“She’s left the home/orphanage/school.”
His voice fell flat. I knew he was gearing up.
“Might I be brutally candid here?”
And before I could respond…
“There are many things wrong so far…
and I’m not that far.”
Referring of course…
to his location within the book.
“Seriously. There is something…
very very wrong…
with you people…
for liking this book…
and something even far more serious…
about recommending it to others!
What’s up with the friend…
that dies in the bed next to her?!”
A reference to “you people”….
tends to be a common default…
I’ve noticed…
when he is passionate about a topic.
Or… disgusted.
Me: “Are you kidding me?
I was deeply moved.
Can you imagine?
Historians believe…
that this book…
could very well be…
an account…
of her personal life!”
He’s throwing me no bones.
His countenance is placid.
#3: “You could need help…
and possibly not know it.”
Me: “Are you sticking with it?”
#3: “Yes! I’m making progress…
while looking for the point.
Do not panic, Madre!”
Fast forward to today…
and its finding.
Allow me to give you a better view.
Jane Eyre…
is indeed there…
under the latest…
um “classic.”
She’s coverless.
I didn’t even have to ask.
#3: “I took the liberty…
of removing the cover…
on Jane Eyre because…
that chick on the front…
gave me the creeps.
Besides…
she looks absolutely nothing…
like the Jane Eyre I’m envisioning.”
Me: doing the best I can to remain emotionless…
“Exactly where is the Jane that you’re envisioning?
Please, please tell me…
she’s beyond the home/orphanage/school.”
#3: “She is.
In fact, she’s making her way…
towards the home of Mr. Rochester.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
And might I add…
she’s taking her own sweet time?
She manages to do this quite well.
I hope this is going to pick up.”
Me: “Are you honestly reading…
this book about cigars?”
#3: “Absolutely.
while this may very well be interpreted…
as a shallow, insecure act…
I would very much like to clarify here…
that no one in our family smokes.
We never have.
Thank you for listening…
and understanding.
#3: “In fact…
here are some things I’ve learned so far:
1. Cigarettes have gun powder and/or chemicals…
that help them stay lit.
A cigar will go out…
if you do not provide the air to keep it going.
2. Even though there are more online purchase options…
you are better off to shop with a tobacconist in person…
because there, you can properly screen your cigars.
3. The tobacco beetle can live in cigars…
so if you see trails or holes, the tobacco beetle is present.”
It is my sincere hope…
that armed with this incredibly pertinent information…
both you and I will sleep better tonight.
Me: “Is this information relevant?”
with zero hesitation…
Son #3: “I’ll have you know…
that pivotal people in the history of the world…
utilized finer tobaccos.
Winston Churchill, a famous cigar smoker…
Son #5 innocently interrupts:
“Don’t you need to make your mouth…
into an “O” so that you can make rings?”
#3 continues:
“C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien…
both preferred pipes.
There is a lot of information here.
May I go now?”
Me, as he is leaving…
“What happened to the Bad Ass book?
#3: exuberantly…
“Oh, I’m still reading that too!
And when I’m finished…
and put all 3 of these together…
you and I are going to have…
the most incredible colloquium…
you’ve ever experienced!”
Help me, Jesus.
The picture above…
was taken in Santa Monica last summer…
where he met…
this flavorful individual on the beach.
He was enamored.
I had visions of him living…
in a retro VW bus…
while earning a living…
in a similar fashion…
singing…
while encouraging people…
to revisit the art of hoola-hooping.
Last week…
we attended a Leadership Summit together.
It was simply incredible.
Son #3 loved it…
took interesting notes…
while also doodling non-stop.
“Mom”, he said at the end…
“I absolutely love Seth Godin.
I so relate to him!”
Whew!
Slowly at times…
but surely…
we’re making progress.
It really is…
far less beneficial…
to shout…
rather than whisper.
You hear a lot about heros …
and superheroes these days.
There’s even a tremendous box office hit right now.
I, along with millions of Americans, loved it!
But this past weekend…
I saw a hero in action.
Most of you know…
my obsession with interest in…
MAC makeup.
I’ve been known to stalk a counter or two.
I have a friend…
who needed some assistance in this vein last Saturday.
We were already in Orange County…
so we wound up in Nordstrom…
at the counter.
Both are heaven on earth for me personally.
When we walked in…
there he stood.
Erect…
regal…
quietly waiting.
He was even in his gloves…
holding his hat…
and her bracelet…
while she finished up…
having her makeup done…
for the prom!
My friend, Lu Ann…
who was awaiting consultation…
zoomed in with her camera…
so she could text her Marine corp husband…
and get the scoop on his rank.
She’s nosey like that…
in the best sort of way.
Turns out our hero in question…
is a PFC Expert Rifleman.
The job took awhile…
but she was beautiful.
I went and sat by him.
Yeah, I’m a creeper like that.
Especially for the Marine Corp dress uniform.
Good thing I was, indeed, seated…
as I think I could’ve easily swooned.
I caught myself wondering if he vacuumed, too.
When’s the last time you thanked someone…
for serving our country…
so we could be free?
Free to vote…
educate…
start a business…
life a life…
choose a lipstick?
I can explain…
so bear with me.
Lately…
I have had cause to answer this question…
in some form or another…
multiple times.
“How do you do it all?”
Here is the consistent response:
“I don’t.”
Social media…
has done tremendous things…
for connecting people…
fostering opportunities…
for global relationships…
as well as presenting…
vast amounts of information.
It has also created a zippy way…
to cast and perpetuate…
images of perfection…
and “having it all together”…
and “doing it all”…
that many times…
really can’t be monitored…
through real life interactions.
I’m here to once again…
dispel that myth…
should it exist regarding The Helms.
It has been my personal experience…
when that question is asked…
it is being weighed against…
the inquirer’s own reality.
For example…
people have always wondered…
how we participate…
in “all of the activities we do” with our kids.
Again, we don’t.
Early on…
we sat our boys down…
and explained the following:
“It was our decision to have a large family.
Some day you will be faced with your own choices…
in this regard.
Because we have a large family…
we can’t possibly allow everyone…
to pursue their own interests…
with only mom as the driver!
Therefore…
we shall all choose one thing…
that we can pursue together…
and evaluate that annually…
because we don’t quit midstream.”
Here is what that looks like…
nearly 14 years later.
Everyone goes to karate together.
Three black belts…
and two high ranking belts later…
it’s working out.
Did I sit for hours between classes…
at one point in time?
Absolutely.
Many times…
with an infant…
crawling towards the mat…
or a lower ranking belt…
sitting next to me during an irrelevant class.
I still drove one place.
Exponentially speaking…
had every child pursued every interest…
I would’ve lived in my car!
The “add up” of 5 kids…
with 4-5 activities each…
well, you’re bright individuals here.
I watched more than one child…
in our dojo…
who was being driven…
from one thing to the next…
literally fall asleep standing…
on the karate mat between executions.
Again…
our children are far from “deprived!”
They have pursued the art of karate together…
for almost 14 years.
Since the younger two are 12 and 10…
they have pursued karate their entire lives.
Interestingly…
I never “asked” them to commit!
They simply watched their older siblings…
and asked when they could begin.
All of our children have taken music lessons.
We found a teacher that plays 12 different instruments.
He has taught all of the boys…
minus the two years of mandatory piano…
also with the same teacher.
Seeing the pattern here?
We have done things…
that have involved our family…
working and being together as a whole.
And it has worked.
What it has produced…
isn’t a group of perfect people.
Rather…
it has afforded our boys…
the opportunity to be able…
to discern what is good vs. better vs. best!
This is something we all need help with…
living in Western Civilization…
where doing, going, and producing…
are valued at all costs a lot of the time.
I have been insanely bombarded…
with the need…
to choose good, better and best…
in light of my brother’s death.
I have had lots of responsibilities…
that I didn’t ask for…
and wasn’t anticipating.
There is a need to both pursue strong work ethic…
while recognizing this season of my life…
and the need for appropriate rest.
This weekend…
I’m doing the rest part.
This takes planning…
juggling…
and “rigamarole”…
in a large family!
In the meantime…
I’ve had to say no…
to several other things…
that also look good.
In fact…
because they all involve dear friends…
they look great!
Reassessing…
evaluating honestly…
and communicating clearly…
are all necessary to achieving…
both balance and clear cut direction.
So where does the underwear fit in?
Well…
yesterday it simply didn’t!
It was uncomfortable…
riding up unnecessarily…
no matter what I did!
And then it all became crystal clear.
Many times…
when my youngest boys…
are folding laundry…
they do just that.
Fold.
This can result at times…
in the underwear being inside out!
It definitely pays to look before you leap!
Plan before you commit…
evaluate before you speak.
Even if it’s something…
that appears great!
Because if you don’t…
the decision may ride you relentlessly…
causing great discomfort…
thus robbing you of your ultimate potential…
because it’s simply a horrible fit!
All the way around…
it ends up being…
a huge disappointment.
You were made for greatness!
It takes practice…
intent…
lots of hard work…
and counting the cost…
to bring it about.
And along the way…
it’s never going to hurt…
to check your underwear!
We have so appreciated…
the outpouring since Friday’s post…
of good wishes…
sincere sentiments…
and tremendous accolades.
Thank you.
Fact is…
success can overwhelm, too.
Success and failure…
albeit at opposite ends of the spectrum…
can both bring about…
“deer-in-the-headlight” reactions.
In December…
several of us in our area…
received an invitation…
to set aside President’s Day…
and come together…
to eat…
and play this game.
(Pardon the glare.)
It can be seen in detail here.
The criteria was…
to dress in red, white, and blue…
and bring a dish to share.
Again, this was planned in December.
The overachievers in this group…
are being considered as fodder…
for a later date and time.
We arrived to flags in the planter out front…
and children “nestled all snug in their beds”…
even though the hostess’s husband…
was out of town.
All joking aside…
as I looked around the room…
I really got choked up!
Doing this job well…
flat out requires sacrifice…
on everyone’s part.
All of these moms…
had made arrangements for kids…
in many cases multiples…
and dads were at the helm…
in several homes!
The spread was divine…
and we were on a schedule.
Nerves were high…
and there was definitely apprehension.
I repeat:
No one loves failure.
Perceived or otherwise.
We played in teams.
Team one missed their question.
Perhaps in response…
a mild expletive was spoken spelled…
providing levity, reality, and hilarity to the group!
Now we could really relax!
Graciously…
I was running the camera…
so my team isn’t pictured as a group.
Sorry ladies.
The discussion was lively…
at times intense…
and always enlightening.
You know how there is always “that team?”
The one…
that thinks they are on Jeopardy…
and that this is “for real?”
Yeah…
we had one of those.
And they won.
But in reality we all did.
“This wasn’t so bad!”
“I knew more than I thought!”
“I just need to refresh my memory…
for what I already know…
applying it…
along with newfound knowledge more effectively!”
“I’m so glad I read the books with my kids…
that I did in honor of the day!
What a reminder!”
“I need to get this game!”
“When can we play again?”
Confidence was bolstered.
“Will you rent yours out?”
“NO.”
Here’s the reality.
Community matters.
Immensely.
And the sacrifice…
while continual…
involves dedication.
Dedication…
honestly boils down…
to doing the next thing…
and repeating this process consistently.
Read the book…
discuss the thoughts…
dialogue for greater epiphany…
“play the game.”
And build a community that’s got your back.
Just.Do.It.
In the spirit of statesmanship…
and an entrepreneurial edge…
I am considering a package deal…
where you buy the game…
and get Dr. Shanon Brooks…
for an evening to play and mentor.
He, of course…
would be that “Alex Trebeck” figurehead…
possessing the inside knowledge.
Because he’s done…
and continues to do…
the real work.
He has no clue….yet.
(Talk about the potential for saucy dialogue!)
Just a friendly FYI…
The creators of the game…
will be present this weekend…
at the FATJEF.
photo courtesy of Expert Image Group
Admit it.
Even after all of these years…
there’s a little glitch in your breath…
a sweaty pallor to your brow…
tingling and/or itching…
in your feet.
The big red letter “F”…
accompanied by the message…
to “See Me After Class”…
somehow misses the mark…
of making the hospitality wagon.
So many times in my life…
regardless of whether my team lost…
I missed a goal set…
my leadership was less than motivating…
I have had to face the fact…
that I failed.
When failure involves a specific passion…
which could include any number…
of life skills, vocations, or even hobbies…
it just flat out hurts.
Yet, it is inevitable.
When we throw kids…
education…
and the molding and shaping…
of these two things combined…
one, at times, wishes…
for an “Opt Out” button.
Add the passion…
genuine concern…
and emotion that exudes…
from well-meaning…
family and friends…
and life as we know it…
can simply be grand!
Years ago…
I read “Failing Forward”…
by John Maxwell.
While it is very motivational in style…
he points out quite effectively…
what separates certain individuals from others.
It’s simple…
but most definitely not easy.
Ready?
Those who embrace failure…
are effective.
I guess the stars aligned for me…
regarding this particular subject…
because I was struggling…
with measurable results…
where my kids were concerned…
that would somehow prove to others…
I wasn’t a failure…
as a mentor…
and a mother.
But that’s elusive…
because it’s a lie!
I have failed thousands of times.
And I will fail thousands more.
I’ve failed to provide a perfect atmosphere…
and environment at all times…
in which to be both inspired…
and to expand in knowledge and wisdom.
Shoot, there were days…
where I felt like Queen of the World…
if I cleaned the PB & J remnants up…
from the lunch table before starting dinner!
In fact a bulldozer…
a priest…
a canoe and three camels…
would’ve helped…
in excavating my way…
from one end of my house…
to the other!
Right about that time…
of course…
at my local co-op…
or on aisle 13 of the grocery store…
I would run into Frank or Fran Fail less.
You know them, too.
Their team has “never lost”…
(at least not in a visible or traceable form)…
their house practically cleans itself…
and their kids/students ace the SATS…
with 1700s each and every time…
they undertake them.
It’s enough to keep those of us…
that follow and teach…
principles of leadership…
with very little immediate gratification…
up several nights a year.
Yes, that too…
has been a personal experience.
May I encourage you today…
to make it a goal…
to embrace failure?
Because when you do…
and do so wholeheartedly…
it has so very many things…
to teach.
It’s not something to fear.
( This too takes practice to overcome…
and I’m still working on it daily.)
Rather…
the idea that we shall remain the same…
should be what terrifies.
Life is the lesson.
And many of the best ones…
are riddled with failure.
Still trying…
to wrap your mind around it?
Let’s ask Abe.
1831 – Lost his job
1832 – Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
1833 – Failed in business
1834 – Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
1835 – Sweetheart died
1836 – Had nervous breakdown
1838 – Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
1843 – Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
1846 – Elected to Congress (success)
1848 – Lost re-nomination
1849 – Rejected for land officer position
1854 – Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
1856 – Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
1858 – Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
1860 – Elected President (success)
Amidst the failure.
Success is present.
And I’m inclined to think…
that in this particular case…
they’re rather large ones!
Friday…
I have a personal one to share.
It is so fresh…
that the lessons…
are still making themselves evident.
I’m looking forward to it!
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