“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
Martin Luther King Jr., I Have a Dream, 1963

“Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

“A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

“The function of education, therefore, is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. But education which stops with efficiency may prove the greatest menace to society. The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason, but with no morals.”
Martin Luther King, Jr., The Purpose of Education

It is my hope that your day is filled with family, friends and a great start to 2012.

Looking forward to sharing a special resolve with you on Wednesday.

“Break all of your bad habits”…

“Lose weight even faster!”…

“Get Organized: Once and for all!”…

 Any remaining trees…

are beginning to look rather bedraggled…

and headlines on magazines everywhere…

scream for demand resolve.

The problem is…

(at least for me)…

so much of what is highlighted…

not only seems rather unrealistic…

but driven, obsessive…

and a sure set-up…

for failure.

Lord knows…

none of us need…

more pressure…

failure…

or feelings of inadequacy.

Here are some things I’m focused on…

as the New Year fast approaches.

I hope that they will be of help to others.

1.  Be realistic.

The “Power of Three” resonates with me.

Sure, I could lay out a nearly endless number of resolutions…

but please refer to the above.

I will soon be overwhelmed.

Three of nearly anything…

I think I could handle…

even if it’s still one at a time.

2.  Be holistic. 

I read an opinion the other day…

that really resonated with me.

It was along the lines…

of encouraging people to think more holistically…

where life, personal values, and priorities are concerned.

It went on to state…

that in order to have effectiveness…

that is lasting and a part of legacy and identity…

one needs to evaluate whether or not…

their faith…

their money…

investments of time…

talents…

priorities…

and actions…

are in sync.

When they compete with one another…

one is ultimately left…

to compete with one’s self.

I love this.

There is room for growth…

on the part of most individuals…

in these thoughts.

3.  Be futuristic.

The past is a great resource…

motivator…

and teacher.

Don’t mire in it…

use it as a crutch…

an excuse…

or a reason to be stagnant.

The unknown is scary…

but embracing it…

or at the very least…

realistically facing it…

is more than a step in the right direction!

It can end up being steps…

that form your direction…

and define personal growth.

4.  Be kind.

To yourself…

to your family members…

to others.

Kindness always works to the benefit…

of those who practice it.

It produces a welcome…

non-condemning environment…

where freedom to be one’s self…

and being open to change…

can usher in unlimited possibilities.

The world is short on this virtue.

Resolve to be abundant in it.

And until this season comes around again…

know that I love you…

I’m a work in progress…

and I look forward…

to the growth…

that 2012 brings.

Happy, Happy New Year!

Even before I could clean up the carnage in the living room…

that was a tangle of ribbons, bows and discarded wrapping paper…

people were asking in earnest how we were doing as a family.

It is…

after all…

the elephant in the room…

so to speak.

Fact is…

we’re doing well…

and at the same time…

probably not.

I had the privilege of fellowshipping…

with my dear friend Vernie DeMille today by phone.

Vernie is one of those people that affirms…

while making you think and ponder deeply.

Since September I’m realizing…

that much of life…

is made up of consistent dichotomy.

How you respond…

coupled with choices…

determines so very many things.

For example…

there is a part of me…

that simply can’t wait to bid 2011 adieu.

On the other hand…

stepping into a new year…

presents many opportunities…

for personal growth…

and intentional change…

when viewed in light…

of the tragic death of my brother, Tim…

this past September.

I, along with my parents…

and personal family…

have clung to the tenets of our faith…

with tenacity and resolve…

that is accompanied by determination.

Determination to learn…

embrace…

and move ahead…

albeit at times crawling…

with a resolve to own knowledge.

Knowledge from grief…

from death…

from the example Tim set.

Because in doing so…

there is tremendous opportunity…

for even greater life.

And I want that.

During our conversation…

Vernie observed the following:

“Grief is universal…

and yet we tend to make it personal.

We isolate ourselves within our pain…

when so many others can benefit…

from our experiences, examples, and feelings.”

She’s right.

I promised to tell the story of Tim’s life.

I have already been surprised…

even shocked at times…

by some of the things…

that were seemingly insignificant…

at the time of their occurrence…

that have come flooding back…

from the recesses of my mind.

Other situations…

have been recanted by others…

who were fortunate enough…

to know him intimately…

or to call him “friend.”

One of the most profound discoveries…

that I have personally experienced thus far…

in my admittedly brief grieving period..

is the fact that there is mercy in all things.

Sometimes…

you just have to be really willing…

to listen…

to be quiet…

and to diligently seek it.

But it’s there, friends.

In the most challenging of ways…

daring us to embrace…

face…

and walk through…

the tough things.

In the end…

I’m convinced…

that the effort…

produces greater character…

along with new-found knowledge and understanding…

that is even inclusive of those…

who are no longer present in the day to day.

I’m ready to move ahead.

And it will be my privilege…

to share the story of Tim’s life…

and many,many lessons with you.

I think 2012 beckons…

with tremendous mercies.

Laura Story…

wrote an incredible song entitled “Blessings”…

that brings to light in a beautiful way…

some deeper thought processes.

It is my hope that you will take the time to listen.

It will be my privilege to have you join me…

in this journey…

throughout 2012.

There is, after all…

incredible blessing…

as well as strength, in numbers.

“…As we gather with our family and friends to honor Christ, we can experience the same peace and joy as the shepherds and the Magi did almost two thousand years ago. If we make that peace and joy a part of our lives, our example will serve as a guide and an inspiration for everyone we meet.”

~ Ronald Reagan

December 1985, Message on the Observance of Christmas

hundreds and hundreds…

of seemingly little things…

placed end to end…

layer upon layer…

and line upon line…

that make up the fabric of our lives.

They are what we ultimately remember.”

I stated this in my post December  5th .

Christmas will be here in 4 more sleeps…

and as time gallops in that direction..

regardless of my never-ending “To Do” list…

and the busyness of the season…

I believe this more than ever.

The things I’m missing most…

about day to day fellowship…

with my brother Tim…

are things we did…

joked and laughed about…

and even ate…

this time of year.

Not one thing…

overly significant…

in and of itself.

But rather…

many little…

daily…

weekly…

monthly…

and yearly things…

that make up the fabric of life.

 These punks…

made yet another great memory…

this past Saturday at our favorite tree lot…

while roaming around…

playing pranks on one another…

laughing and joking.

Son #5 was elated…

as you can see…

that “his” tree was finally chosen!

He definitely has youngest child syndrome…

from time to time.

In all of my haste to wish Son #2…

a Happy Birthday Monday…

I totally forgot…

to announce the winner of the scarf!

In the meantime…

this came for me from Jill!

I asked her to whip up a black and fuschia number for me.

I now officially have 2 scarves that vie for my affections!

My new-found friendship with Jill…

is yet another thing for which I am grateful…

this holiday season.

She’s a keeper.

And so are each of you!

To those of you…

that have won prizes…

they’re coming!

Thank you for your patience.

And the winner is…

Tammie Blackmore!

Congratulations, Tammie.

Jill will be making you a scarf of your color choice.

Happy Hanukkah to readers that began celebrating last night!

See you Friday, sweet friends!

The principles of Leadership Education…

are based in the fact…

that people choose…

to educate themselves.

One of the major benefits…

is the encouragement…

that you will strive to understand others…

and where they are coming from…

so that together…

you can change the world.

The following…

is an explanation of Hanukkah..

by Rabbi Yonason Denebeim…

that was presented…

in the Palm Springs area…

for a group of Leadership Education children…

and their families.

Rabbi Denebeim…

and his wife Sussie…

live in Palm Springs.

They are the parents…

of 14 children…

eight daughters…

and six sons.

He is a Rabbi of Chabad…

which is a form…

of Orthodox Judaism.

They have grown children…

on every continent of the world…

with the exception of Antarctica.

They are an exceptional family…

and I have had the distinct privilege…

of being a guest in their home…

when their grown children…

and their families…

have been present.

Their children and grandchildren…

are fluent in several languages.

In fact…

some of their grandchildren…

don’t speak English.

I consider myself blessed…

to call them my friends.

One of my greatest…

Face to Face With Greatness memories…

was when I was a part…

of a book colloquium…

that Sussie Denebeim…

also attended…

on “The Chosen.”

Having her perspective…

was life changing…

and very illuminating…

where that particular book…

and the history of the Jews…

is concerned.

Gaylene Hatch…

our Face to Face moderator…

and I…

thought her insights…

were worth the entire seminar!

This explanation…

is lengthy.

It is also rich…

in information…

insight…

and knowledge.

Because of this…

I will use…

a traditional format….

for the remainder…

of this post.

It is well worth reading.

At the end…

I will share with you…

a simple way…

to help your family…

understand Hanukkah better.

May Hanukkah…

be a wonderful…

festival of light…

for all of my…

Jewish readers…

and friends!

My sincerest thanks…

to Rabbi Denebeim…

for being…

a bridge building…

human being.

May God richly bless you.

“The purpose of  Hanukkah, is to remind us that we are to drive the darkness that is in the world away, with light.  My explanation is based in the history of the Jewish people and the traditional and historical significance of Hanukkah to us as a nation.  You see, it really isn’t about the American version of Hanukkah, which involves giving gifts for eight nights.

Judaism believes that the most important reason for being on this earth isn’t to get to heaven.  We believe in heaven….after all, where do you think everyone gets this idea and belief from…if it isn’t the Jews?  But what we believe is that it is our responsibility to bring heaven down to earth.  It’s about making your soul control the world around you, making the world a beautiful and Godly place.

Life and culture, at the time that the miracle we call Hanukkah took place; involved ideas and thoughts that life is all about making yourself as beautiful as possible.  This is a great thought indeed, except that the people thinking these thoughts were doing this without any acknowledgment of God; so they became beautiful specimens on the outside only.

The most important structure in Jewish history to illustrate these ideas, is the temple in Jerusalem.  It was destroyed 2,000 years ago by the Romans, but there was a temple before that called a tabernacle.  It was a special house with special furniture inside.  One of those pieces of furniture was a menorah, that had seven branches.  These branches represented the seven days of the week and the seven emotional attributes that every human possesses.  This house and furniture represented the bringing together of Godliness and the physical world.  This was not about two separate worlds, but rather to show the fact that the Creator and His physical world are one.

At this juncture of history, this obviously was a belief and thought process that were counter to the culture of the time.  At first, the fight became an intellectual one, and the Jews refused to back down.  The struggle continued, becoming more and more powerful.  Antiochus was the king at the time, and people went to him regarding the refusal on the part of the Jews to acknowledge the cultural norms.  The Jews wouldn’t bow down to the idols of the day, nor would they forsake the thought processes of their faith.  Because of this, Antiochus became very angry and sent armies and non-kosher animals into the temple and dirtied the entire place.

A high priest named Matisyahu ( yes, the kids wanted to know if it was the same name as the singer…and it is!) had seven sons.  Each of these sons had been raised with the values and principles of their father.  They were strong, and they were not afraid.  They decided that they were going to fight this king and his armies in order to protect the values which are so important to us, the Jews.  They united, along with many others against these armies and they won!

They went back into the temple and wanted to light the menorah in order to drive out the darkness.  However, they had a challenge.  Any oil used in the temple must be kosher.  What should they do?  Should they light the menorah and have it burn for a very short time, or should they wait until they could consecrate more oil and had enough to keep it burning?  The Rabbis at the time, decided it is better to do what you can now with what you have to drive the darkness away, rather than to wait.

The first miracle then, was the defeat of the powerful armies.

The second miracle was, once they lit the oil, it burned for eight days.

Perhaps you wonder why we use olive oil.

Olives are a fruit and they are totally sealed.  They aren’t like olives in the store that have been pitted.

This oil not only burns well, but it represents the potential that is in each and every human being.

Olives must be crushed in order to get the oil out; and only the first drop was ever used in the menorah in the temple.  The rest was used for other purposes.

The true wisdom and potential that you possess, must be pressed out and ignited in order to illuminate the world around you.  Another great thing, is that when you use your light to light another candle;  you don’t lose anything from your own soul.

Just like fire has the potential to bring light to weld and mend, it can also destroy.  Our responsibility is to use that energy to illuminate the world and to make the world a brighter place.

Our custom to this very day, is that we do not use candles for our menorah.  We use olive oil.

As evening falls, and darkness comes, you have the greatest ability to see light. In the temple, the menorah was lit in the morning, and it burned all day and all night.

We light one light on the first night and one each evening thereafter for eight nights.  We add another light each night.

We start from the right and move towards the left because the book of Isaiah says that God created the world with His right hand first, so we give deference to the right.  It actually means the stronger hand.  If you are left handed, that is your “right” hand.

In order for a menorah to be kosher, all eight lights have to be in a straight line on the same level.  This comes from The Torah in the book of Exodus.

There also must be enough space within the well, so that the light will burn for 45 minutes following nightfall.

We do not use wicks.  Instead, we roll pure cotton into a wick that we then place into the olive oil well.

We believe that light can also be used for the wrong reasons, and that the menorah is holy.  This is why we must not benefit from the light of the menorah itself.

In order to respect this, we have a Shamash, or helper candle.  It is pure beeswax with no paraffin.

If we were to accidentally benefit from the light, we believe that it is the Shamash or helper that we are indeed benefitting from.

As we add to the light each evening, we contemplate that whatever you do today, should be added to tomorrow; bringing more and more light and goodness into the world around you.  We are to remember to do this until we can be recharged next year.

Right inside the door of a Jewish home, on the right hand side is a box for a mezuzah.  It is a scroll that is on the doorpost at an angle, that faces into the house.

The concept here, is that I am to control what comes into and goes out of my own house.  I can dedicate my house to make sure that everything inside of it is holy, moral and ethical.  I can’t control what goes on in the street.

However, I am not to forget the street, and have a responsibility to share the light.  With this idea in mind, and obeying Talmudic Law, we place the menorah opposite the mezuzah in the doorway, so that its light can be shared.

Jews don’t try to convert others to our faith.  We believe that every person was created with a holy purpose.  This is why we also have public lightings of the menorah.  We want to share good thoughts and ideas with others.

When we light the menorah, the whole family assembles together.    We then recite three blessings while lighting the candle.

The first blessing is to thank God for making us realize our responsibility in lighting the lights of Hanukkah.  In the second blessing, we thank God for creating miracles for our forefathers both in the past and today.  We believe that time is concurrent, and in reciting this blessing, we are connecting with the energy that was present over 2,000 years ago. Our third blessing thanks God for keeping us alive and sustaining us.

It is customary for each male to light their own menorah.  Nowadays, we Skype our children and do this on each continent together.  Those physically present in each place, join hands sing and dance.

In the Old City of Jerusalem and in the alleyways, there are niches cut out in the stone with glass plates over them.  These protect the lights from the wind.  It is the most amazing sight to see thousands and thousands of menorahs all lit together throughout the city.

We also observe the giving of Hanukkah gelt.  We give money to our children, so that they may practice Sadaka; or spiritual offering.

Charity says that I will bestow goodness and kindness to others through what I have that is extra.  Sadaka practices justice and doesn’t involve extra; but is rather something that you take from yourself in order to share a part of you.  It is an obligation of Jewish law, and is a box that is attached in our synagogues, and on the walls of our home.  You give to these every day in order to practice justice towards others.

We can all practice driving the darkness away with light.”

This is so much information!

Younger children can equally benefit from it by perhaps receiving it in small increments.  What better way to do that, than to observe the nights of Hanukkah.

For those of you with Core and LOL children, the idea of fire  in this case, really MAY be dangerous!

Here is an idea for a flameless menorah.

Cover a small box, leaving one end capable of being opened.

Paint nine old-fashioned clothespins, and cut gold pipe cleaners into equal lengths, one for each clothes pin.

On each night of Hanukkah, add a “candle” to your “menorah”, lighting it with a gold pipe cleaner.

Each evening, a portion of Rabbi Denebeim’s presentation could be presented.

I know in my house it certainly will be!

I would love to know what you think…

so leave a comment, will you?

on the pursuit of greater sensibility in this life.

Oh yes…

it is definitely not only something…

I have pursued off and on quite frequently…

but also, appears to still elude me…

on a fairly consistent basis.

I am hoping that turning the big 5-0…

two days ago brings with it…

epiphanous (is that even a word?)…

thought processes…

because when I share last Friday’s adventure…

you will see that perhaps I need them!

I strive to be a hip, cool mom…

from the standpoint of “getting it”…

within my children’s social culture…

which often sends Sons #1-#5…

into hysterical, doubled-over-from-the waist…

peals of laughter.

I don’t blame them.

This seemed like a grand idea…

at the time of its inception.

Clearly, many others felt the same way.

Four thousand…

okay 3,999 counting myself, to be exact.

I do love Sara’s music…

and listen to her frequently.

Again, evidence of my children’s influence.

Perhaps another factor in my decision…

to attend this event…

was my quest for meaningful…

holiday experiences…

that don’t contribute to clutter.

In any regard…

there I was, along with Hero Hubby…

and my offspring…

minus #5 who came down with the flu…

in the heart of Los Angeles…

Hollywood to be exact…

at The Palladium on Sunset Blvd.

It appeared to be random seating…

so one needed to be prepared for lines.

Nevertheless…

the sight upon arrival was still shocking.

Said line stretched for 3 HUGE city blocks.

Oh yes.

And wimpy as I have become…

for Southern California…

it was still freezing.

Due to this small-but-significant factoid…

we had decided to take the higher road…

and sit wherever there were seats left.

Parking in Los Angeles…

can be likened at times to winning the lottery.

The odds are pretty much the same, for sure.

As we turned to enter the $20-for-parking-lot…

I commented on the busy boulevard ahead…

being all blocked off…

with nary a soul in sight.

“They must be shooting a movie tonight.”

Who knew that was a prophetic comment…

if one deleted the “a movie tonight”…

portion of the above sentence?!

Mental adjustment needed quickly…

as I don’t frequent L.A. like I used to…

when I was younger.

Roughly 200-at-a-time lucky individuals…

incrementally moved towards the warmth.

My first clue…

should’ve been not only the size of the bouncers…

but the wrist-bands-for-alcohol callers…

strategically stationed just inside the doors.

And then…

the venue stretched in front of me…

in all of its glory!

There.were.no.seats.

Perhaps that statement…

isn’t entirely accurate.

The section deemed “VIP”…

as far as I could tell…

( because I attempted to hoof it that direction PRONTO)…

constituted 20 or so high backed stools…

randomly strewn in a balcony section.

Don’t look too closely…

as this photo merely represents…

“cool lighting”…

located on the other side…

upstairs…

across from…

the NON-VIP section.

Yes, that would be…

the location of Hero Hubby…

Son #4 and myself.

The other 3 sons and “one lucky friend” using #5′s ticket?

They’re down there.

I tried not to think about it…

for too much of the 3 hour time period…

that we were STANDING.

They are, after all trained martial artists.

Granted lifting and moving one’s limbs…

could be a challenge, but, hey.

A woman next to me…

commented during the opening act…

that if the guy sang one more slow song…

we could easily be asleep…

before Sara even took to the stage!

I think she was fairly close…

to my newly found “age of maturity”…

but it was honestly too dark to clearly tell.

And I wasn’t comfortable enough…

to take the liberty of groping her face…

even though we were STANDING…

close enough to be best friends.

Son #4, keep looking my direction…

and said “look” was one of disbelief…

at my apparent lapse in judgment.

“This will be FUN!”, I kept rallying.

Perhaps he was the mind of reason.

The music was fantastic…

the energy extremely profuse…

the musicianship stellar.

All in all…

it was a lovely evening.

I did text Son #1 during the warm up.

“I’m evaluating whether or not I am officially too old for this stuff any more.”

His response?

“You’re not!”

I’m touched…

but clearly…

he was caught up in the moment.

I’m trying to figure a couple of things out.

Palladium derives its root meaning…

from the Greek goddess Palla…

who was THE GODDESS OF WISDOM.

Perhaps its oxymorons…

I need to be studying more closely…

in the coming year.

Son #3 and his “lucky friend”…

were thrilled to have been there.

“Mom, this place is epic!

The history unreal!

Aerosmith played this venue!”

Help me, Jesus.

I can’t even imagine.

I do know however…

that Steven Tyler…

has made a comeback…

FROM A CHAIR on American Idol!

When I shared this with my exuberant child…

it was a definite energy suck.

For my birthday…

my mom purchased me a sensible pair of shoes.

Cute, really cute…

but nevertheless sensible.

I’m hoping they inspire me to be grounded…

in my search…

for the ever-illusive sensibility I am seeking…

in the coming year.

While, of course…

I listen to Sara Bareilles…

on obnoxious CDs…

that perhaps could be viewed…

as archaic clutter.

Especially on the part…

of tech savvy teens…

and young adults.

It’s a vicious, vicious cycle.

Hopefully…

some of you relate…

young as you all may be!
P.S. Beautiful scarves detract from “sensible shoes.”  Don’t forget to comment so you can win one!

Click here on the words Hip Homeschool Moms, where I have the privilege of guest posting today, to finish this article.