The “Pastor’s Kid” meets the “Perky Paradox”, part 3: Core: It’s a Lifelong Phase

February 3rd, 2010

continued from the post January 29, 2010

The “family in question” who had birthed the girl I “hated”, lived roughly one mile from the church.

It seemed like an hour’s drive that fateful day.

When we arrived, I noticed that there was a duck pond to the right of the driveway.

As was to be expected, there were lots of ducks.

And a huge goose.

Graylag ( Jane's) goose

That, in the annals of waterfowl history…

goes down as the meanest goose to have ever graced this planet.

Despite what DeDe’s mom, Jane, may try to interject here…

by way of a comment.

He was the exact breed of the picture shown, and was a “Graylag” goose.

Trust me when I say that there was nothing pertaining to the word “lag” in this fowl-fellow’s vocabulary.

As we got older and I could drive…

whenever we needed to drop something off at the house,

my brother could time making it to the door just ahead of this beast…

impeccably.

Because if you didn’t?…

Let’s just say that in merely looking at this “Googled” water fowl…

my Achillie’s tendons are tingling!

As we continue to discuss core issues…

I’m hoping to rustle up some more visuals of the events and people being described here.

Just know that I’m working on it, and that it’s complicated right now.

When we arrived at the door, the happy parents of the above-stated offspring, were there to greet us…

along with the three other sisters in this brood.

Admittedly, this did soften the blow.

Somewhat.

Stepping through the dining room, to the kitchen…

there she was.

Standing at the KitchenAid mixer…

whipping up dessert.

May I pause to interject here,

that not much has changed over the long haul of years?

DeDe has been standing, off and on, at a KitchenAid mixer…

whipping up something…

for the last 40!

“HI”!…

She came over to greet us.

This move was not only waaayy too exuberant…

it was highly suspect.

I knew right then and there that she, too, was being coerced into polite conversation with “the enemy.”

I had no choice…

I had to act quickly.

“Hello”, I replied.

Brilliant.

We’re glad you’re here.”

“We’re going to have a great afternoon.”

It became painfully apparent that this individual addressing me…

had suffered some form of severe blow to the head.

Or there was an Oscar waiting somewhere nearby.

Dinner was amazing!

Always has been at the Ohlund estate.

You’ll never go hungry, rarely eat so well,

and could rustle up a hearty one-of-a-kind meal at 2:30 a.m. if necessary.

Once the table was cleared…

and the dishes were on their way to being done…

we were sent outside to play.

Once again, the brilliance of the “Dad CORE and Love of Learning” gene strikes.  No “helicopter parenting” techniques for him.

i.e.  “Honey-I-know-you-hate-her-but-could-you-be-nice-just-this-once?” or “I-hope-she’s-nice-to-you-darling-because-I-know-

you-would-never-paint-an-inaccurate-picture-with-all-of-your-10-year-old-maturity-while-I-wring-my-hands-tactics.”

Nosiree.

It was pretty much beyond implication that we had better BOTH do one thing.

Work. It. Out.

In Core Phase, it is very wise to allow situations to manifest themselves fully, in which a child will either chose to succeed or fail.

Without your intervention.

But definitely under your watchful eye and loving guidance.

How are you doing in this area of your life?

Never letting children fail and suffer natural consequences of actions and decisions,

however immature they may be, is to ultimately set them up for huge failure later in life.

Our parents definitely knew this.

Darn it.

Once we were outside, Ms. “Head-Injury” experienced an amazing comeback.

There was absolutely no doubt about it.

She was a pig.

Didn’t have any at the time, but definitely was one.

I mentioned earlier that my brother was in kindergarten…

when we were relegated to this new-found farm life.

He was cute.

And nice.

And totally unsuspecting.

Tim on Swanson tin

in keeping with my promise to resurrect photos pertaining to the “era” being covered, I scanned this beauty in the garage. It hangs above my dad’s workbench. It was made in a Swanson pot pie tin…with plaster of Paris.   He created it in Sunday School.  I love the gold metallic paint job.  My brother is known for his artistic talents.  I also really admire the photographer’s ability to center the subject.  Moving on…

In all actuality, he was in a whopping first grade, I believe…

by the time the “lucky lotto” came up for the Ohlunds to entertain us.

We were pretty much eating our way through the weekends at a brisk clip by then.

DeDe sauntered by the duck pond.

It was an unusually warm day.

“Would you like to swim?”

I would not.

My little brother, possessing numerous fish-like qualities…

was always game for this particular invitation.

Even if it was just a bathtub.

In he went.

I stood on the side.

Because I was waayyy smarter than these two.

And so much more “highly refined.”

I’m quite certain at this point, the adults were yucking it up over coffee and dessert…

while the “perky paradox” was about to make her move.

“You know, I think we’ve all had enough of you being such snooty, city-slickers.”

This was definitely aimed at me.

I stood there, attempting to act nonchalant.

DeDe looked at me and smirked.

“I think that it’s time we baptized you into the country life.”

She proceeded to dip a 5 gallon bucket deep, deep into the pond…

Where those ducks swam.

Multiple times each day.

And she dumped it over the head..

of my sweet little, unsuspecting brother!

He was in white pants to boot.

I was shocked and horrified.

This was definitely a new development…

and she was goin’ down!

to be continued…








Oh Brother!

January 15th, 2010

Profile Photo 2

Tim Driver has been in education for 23 years. During this time, he has been both a teacher and an administrator.He’s taught a spectrum that includes everything from junior high to graduate school. Some of his most effective work has been with at-risk youth; designing and implementing a program specifically for them and running it successfully for 12 years in the Lake Washington School District.

He has also coached at the high school level in four different sports for 24 years, with numerous trips to state tournaments and a state championship in 1992.

He will be speaking at the upcoming FATJEF in Rancho Cucamonga on Saturday, April 24, 2010.

The reason for the slightly casual, somewhat irreverent approach to this interview?

He also happens to be my kid brother. As awesome as he is, in the eyes of his older sister…

he’s still a “punk!”


Favorite book:

The Bible, No Other Alternative (when it gets published) a book that he has written, chronicling his journey with the founding and administering of his at-risk youth program.

Favorite sibling: Never mind… ;0)

I have no favorite sibling…………..I’m an only twin.

Favorite board game:

I’d have to say chess at this point in my life. That may change to checkers as I age.

Anything else along these lines you’d like to cough up?

Love to write lyrics and thought provoking comedy. I also speak all over the place to many groups as well. I enjoy that very much.

Why did you go into teaching?

All through school, people would ask me to help them in one class or another.  I got to the place where I gained a little bit of confidence there. But it wasn’t until I worked with high school at-risk kids that I decided that was what I wanted to do. I also had many GREAT teachers such as Bruce Brown, Thad McManus and Don Harney who were great role models for me; along with Mary Ousley, Jim Murphy, and too many others to name.

Favorite subject:

History, Political Science, as it relates to teaching people how to study it.

While I happen to know that teaching is a passion; for you coaching happens to be right up there with it. Why do you love to mentor in this way?

Coaching IS teaching. John Wooden never called himself a coach, but a teacher.

Just as in the classroom, you’re teaching so much more than your subject or sport. You are teaching life lessons.

The reason I enjoy coaching so much is because you can see growth in kids’ lives so dramatically over a 3-4 year stretch.

The title of one of your presentations for the upcoming FATJEF in April is “Helicopter Parenting: It Isn’t a Good Idea. Do you care to expound and explain?

Parents have an INCREDIBLY important role in the lives of their children. But some parents don’t understand that ONE of those roles is to teach them independence. Parents who never let their kids have a problem, a conflict, or a struggle without their intervention are doing their kids a huge disservice. I will be discussing some strategies that parents can use to create boundaries for themselves, that allow them to still be actively involved but in appropriate ways.

What, in your perspective, is a healthy balance between a “Helicopter Parent” household and the public school situation described in John Taylor Gatto’s article “The Seven Lesson Schoolteacher?”( keeping in mind that most parents really do want what is best for their children.)

Not to oversimplify, but if people are relying on school to fully educate their children, they are in trouble. Likewise, if people are counting on home to fully educate their children, they are in equal trouble.

I think that even when people do a good job of home educating their kids, there is still a tremendous fear that they aren’t measuring up. One of the greatest things you helped me to realize, is that there is a very fine line between an at-risk youth and a driven honor student. It really makes you think about motive. Care to explain this one?

I have not met a competent teacher yet that doesn’t question their own effectiveness. We ALL do.

Having taught both ends of the spectrum, from junior high, up through the graduate college level; I can say confidently that people are people. Labels that are attached to them can have incredible impact. I’ve found that honors kids are really quite deficient in some areas, scared to death that people will discover it. Likewise, at-risk kids are incredibly PROficient in some areas, equally as scared that someone will find out. Grad students are no different.

What is one of the greatest life skills or character traits in your opinion that you believe a parent or mentor can model for kids?

Integrity

What is the greatest thing that a student ever taught you?

That I need to have a teachable spirit every day and learn every bit as much from others as I am expecting others to learn.

Anything else you want to say at this time? ( Bear in mind that I can censor you at the click of a button) But go ahead…really.

Is the witness excused?

Thanks for doing this for me….

Not a problem. I actually cheated off of someone else’s paper.

I will attempt at some point in 2010 to do at least 3 kind things for you in return…

maybe.

I shant hold my breath.

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